True emergency room visits -G.R.O.S.S

[chutney whore]

umm e-mail dont care if its a re-post.....

True emergency room visits


INNER SKELETON---
A 63 year old widow was admitted to the hospital in Recife , Brazil,
suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20- inch long skeleton of a foetus, which she conceived a decade
earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never
expelled from her body.

FEMALE SOFA---
A 500lb. (35.5 stone!!!) woman from Illinois was examined in a
hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under
her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote
control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.

PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH!
In Michigan , a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis.
He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." and
it bit him during sex (not the first conclusion I would have drawn I don't
think). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she
had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANYONE? ---
A 20-year-old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum.
He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete
mix, then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his
anus using a funnel (as you do)?!!. The concrete then hardened (no
shit!), causing constipation and pain. Under general anaesthesia, a
perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a
ping-pong ball. (Boy we live sheltered lives - thank goodness!!)

BLIND DRUNK---
A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain
while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would
come out halfway, but they always popped back in. a nurse tried to
help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor
examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses
in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his
cornea!

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! ---

A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in
bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen
and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained
to doctors that they had gone out for the evening for a romantic
dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to
administer oral sex on the man (Classy or what??). While in the
act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on
the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and
desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head
until she let go.

SHRIMP ANYONE?? ------

One morning around 5a.m. , 22-year-old Susan DaLucci of Kittery
Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought
she had diarrhoea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realised
that it was urinary pain. It was very similar to the feeling of
having diarrhoea, just out of the wrong hole. She wobbled to the
toilet and upon sitting on it; her vagina erupted into the most
horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralysing
pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and
squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while
she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and
neighbours called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms.
DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of the bathroom wearing
nothing but her bathrobe. Running down her leg, was a stream of
brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a
stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg, which was bent crossing her
other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted
up. When he lifted her leg to straighten her left leg to straighten
her body out, he exposed her vagina, at which point a creature, no
lager than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals
and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound. Shocked, the
medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom
floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat
there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping back and
forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt nausea
setting in. when he put his face down the toilet to puke what he
saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet
without convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby
mud shrimps flipping and splashing at a furious pace. If you think
that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened:

Ms. DeLucci's official death was the result of a combination of
shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain
and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell,
smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor. It is
believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident, she had
purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub,
she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive
pleasure. At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's
face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a
lesbian video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in
front of the tub. The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can
wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on
the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves
between the lobster tail joints. The lobsters face was lightly
burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's digestive
track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings.

Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in
the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to
death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's
vagina when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two
days gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting
her period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual
cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp
which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets
sold throughout the US. Over night the eggs hatched and the mud
shrimp began doubling in size every ten minutes. You can imagine
the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet

[jigga man23]

Damm people are interesting

[chutney whore]

Originally Posted by jigga man23

Damm people are interesting

Note to self: Dont torture live lobsters with lighters, while you're in the tub trying to pleasure yourself

[boomchuck]

The last one is nasty, y0

[chutney whore]

Originally Posted by boomchuck

The last one is nasty, y0

its like when my papa told me you can get worms from too much golden syrup, stayed away from that shit man

[kiran19]

Originally Posted by chutney whore

umm e-mail dont care if its a re-post.....

PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH!
In Michigan , a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis.
He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." and
it bit him during sex (not the first conclusion I would have drawn I don't
think). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she
had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

rat in her privates

[chutney whore]

Originally Posted by kiran19

rat in her privates

[kwitcherbitchin]

lmao wtf...people are weird.

eww @ the last one...

[jigga man23]

Originally Posted by chutney whore

Note to self: Dont torture live lobsters with lighters, while you're in the tub trying to pleasure yourself

Might wanna add yourself to the list as well...

[chutney whore]

Originally Posted by kwitcherbitchin

lmao wtf...people are weird.

eww @ the last one...

i dont think ill look at the toilet the same ever again

[kiran19]

i just read the last one, and ewww that's dirty

[surface2air]

Omfg The Last One Is Sick

[NeRgYz]

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwww @ Ms DeLucci.....

[nygirl]

what's your source?

[xa16ax]

omg. i was planning on watch porn after i read this thread. but not anymore, imma just go to sleep

[random guy]

haha is this realy tru tho

[*1001Nights*]

the last one is some sick ass shit

[LittleAngel]

(I looked it up and this is what came up): On Shrimp Story

Suzy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life
Netlore Archive: The story of Suzy DeLucci, who had sex with a lobster and didn't live to tell the tale


Description: Email hoax
Circulating since: Jan 2000
Status: False
Analysis: See commentary


NOTE: The following story, currently circulating via email, contains graphic, possibly offensive sexual references and should not be read by anyone who is easily offended, faint of heart, or who has close emotional ties to crustaceans.


Email example contributed by A. Marmion, 24 Jan 2000

Source: http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bllobster.htm


As for the others I am not sure because no names were provided except for that grotesque story about Susan Delucci.

[htownzdevil]

a friend of mine from high school whose mom was a nurse told us this one crazy ass story... about gay men.. that they would get a like a coke bottle and put a hamster/gerbil in it and stick the one end in their rectum and then cut open the other end and light a match so that the animal would get scared and run into the butt hole.. and that the guys would get so much pleasure from it because the animal would "hit the right spot" but eventually would be in pain because the animal would be clawing at the organs of the guy..

gay men

[BKnight]

LOL! Thats why I always wear condom when I have sex with lobster.

[PrOfFaSeE]

that last one was fuckin wreched
you cant be serious

[chutney whore]

Originally Posted by LittleAngel

(I looked it up and this is what came up): On Shrimp Story

Suzy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life
Netlore Archive: The story of Suzy DeLucci, who had sex with a lobster and didn't live to tell the tale


Description: Email hoax
Circulating since: Jan 2000
Status: False
Analysis: See commentary


NOTE: The following story, currently circulating via email, contains graphic, possibly offensive sexual references and should not be read by anyone who is easily offended, faint of heart, or who has close emotional ties to crustaceans.

Email example contributed by A. Marmion, 24 Jan 2000

Source: http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bllobster.htm


As for the others I am not sure because no names were provided except for that grotesque story about Susan Delucci.

it was still a good piece of fiction tho. and whoever came up with it

[chutney whore]

Originally Posted by nygirl

what's your source?

my cousin sent me an e-mail

[BKnight]

Kittery is a small town in Maine's picturesque York county. Home to 9,000 hardy New Englanders, Kittery also boasts 120 designer outlet stores. Tourist info I found about Kittery encourages visitors to "experience the fun of shopping with everyday savings of 20 to 70 percent off retail prices on first-quality merchandise!" There was nothing in Kittery's tourist information about mud shrimp, XXX lesbian porn outlets, sexually mutilated lobsters, or a recently deceased Ms. DeLucci.

So I called the police. According to the no-nonsense New Englander who answered the phone at the Kittery Police Department HQ, the lobster-in-the-cooter story is a hoax -- and it's a hoax that's getting on her nerves. "We don't know where that story came from," she said. "We've been getting calls for about three or four weeks now. It's amazing what people will believe." The KPD has only one phone line, so Kittery's sole emergency police dispatcher told me she had to get off the line. When I tried to ask a couple of quick follow-up questions -- Is there a large lesbian community in Kittery? Where does Kittery's lesbian community shop for XXX porn? -- KPD's dispatcher lost her hardy New England patience with me. "I'm not going to tie up this line over a fictitious story," she snapped. "Your questioning is totally out of line. Goodbye."

At The York County Coast Star, receptionist Charlotte Simpson hadn't heard anything about a DeLucci being found dead with mud shrimp crawling out of her cooter. "But that story is hysterical!" Simpson said, before passing me to The York County Coast Star's news editor, Jeff Libby. He hadn't heard anything about a local woman being found dead on her bathroom floor, XXX lesbian porn videos, or sexually mutilated lobsters. If such an event had taken place, Mr. Libby assured me he would know about it.

News that a local woman had been killed by a lobster might harm Kittery's tourist-and-outlet-shopper-dependent economy, so it's conceivable that the police and media would conspire to hush the crime up. But locals would doubtless find out, and just as Ms. DeLucci's tale put you off lobster, Jolie, it would likewise put the locals off lobster. But according to Dave Mickee, proprietor of Warren's Lobster House in Kittery, business is booming. "Not much really affects sales," said Dave. Apparently not even dead lesbians.

Having exhausted my leads in Kittery, I logged on to a website that investigates urban myths, www.snopes.com, where I found a point-by-point debunking of the tortured lobster/killer mud shrimp story. First, snopes.com points out that whoever made the story up claims knowledge of details only Ms. DeLucci would have had -- knowledge that would have died with Ms. DeLucci. For instance, the author states Ms. DeLucci made the "most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard," and, "at first she thought she had diarrhea." Ms. DeLucci was alone in the house when she farted, unconscious when paramedics arrived, and dead before the "medical police" could question her. How does the author know how loudly she farted? Or what Ms. DeLucci thought?

Then www.snopes.com zeroes in on the mud shrimp: According to snopes.com's researchers, mud shrimp live only in Canada's Bay of Fundy, and are primarily food for sandpipers; lobsters don't eat mud shrimp. And mud shrimp won't hatch in anything but extremely salty water, need to be exposed to light throughout incubation, and need constant aeration -- a 10-dollar word for bubbles -- to provide sufficient oxygen for their eggs to hatch. Salt water, light, bubbles -- does that sound like any vaginas you know?

http://urbanlegends.about.com/gi/dyn...ove%3Foid=3465
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Moral of the story? It is safe to have sex with lobsters and is not deadly!