What should this husband do? how can he get what his heart wants+peace with his wife?

[jassika]

[Z4K5T4R]

Learn to stand up for himself. It's his identity. If she cannot accept that then she is incapable of being a responsible and understanding wife. If he gives in to what he believes then she will think she has the right to every aspect of his life - and controlling him as she wishes (Women are like that).

The Husband should talk to his wife and try to resolve this the longer he tries to avoid the subject the harder it will get and Wife will think she has a right to make his decisions.

A man that has no believes, is a man that won't hold much respect for his wife and family. It can bring bitter and distant relationship if the wife gets her own way.

[nayeemx33]

Isn't his wife Sikh?

[jassika]

Originally Posted by nayeemx33

Isn't his wife Sikh?

yes. i'm not sure why she has a problem with it

[jassika]

Originally Posted by Z4K5T4R

Learn to stand up for himself. It's his identity. If she cannot accept that then she is incapable of being a responsible and understanding wife. If he gives in to what he believes then she will think she has the right to every aspect of his life - and controlling him as she wishes (Women are like that).

The Husband should talk to his wife and try to resolve this the longer he tries to avoid the subject the harder it will get and Wife will think she has a right to make his decisions.

A man that has no believes, is a man that won't hold much respect for his wife and family. It can bring bitter and distant relationship if the wife gets her own way.

well before they got married he did accept how she said no turban so its not her fault

[Punjabi_Link]

I think the guy should decide for himself if he wants to keep his hair or not. If he wants to keep his hair, then I guess he should leave his wife.

[jassika]

Originally Posted by Punjabi_Link

I think the guy should decide for himself if he wants to keep his hair or not. If he wants to keep his hair, then I guess he should leave his wife.

leaving his wife is not an option. he would shave for her if it gets to that point

[Punjabi_Link]

Originally Posted by jassika

leaving his wife is not an option. he would shave for her if it gets to that point

How come leaving his wife is not an option?

[Existentialist]

I don't know how either party can be happy if their thoughts on the matter differ so much. To me as an outsider it seems so petty to fight over such a matter.

If the woman respects him she should let him hold true to his sikh customs.
Surely there is more to that relationship than his hair, especially since they have a son.

Maybe he can grow his hair during winter and cut it over during summer? Half half. I don't know just sounds trivial in the sancity of marriage and committment, let alone love.

[alphaPAKI]

that marriage is a write off, he's best syphoning off his assets to places where she cant find them and then giving her the boot

[counter strike]

Originally Posted by jassika

When my friend was 24 he shaved his beard because his uncles in canada pushed him to do so in order to get a job etc. A few months later he got married to a girl who told him her conditions for marriage were that she wants a guy that doesnt drink and doesnt have a turban.

Now in his heart he wants beard & turban he feels incomplete without it as a sikh and feels the time is right now. he's been growing his beard for 8 months and his wife's been complaining saying she's uncomfortable travelling with him etc.

The rest of his family including his in-laws has turbans but she is totally against it. They have a kid about 3 yrs old and he wants to set a good example.

How can he get peace in his house and also keep his hair????

Depends what rehat he follows ie the Sikh code of conduct. If he following Khalsa Sikhism then he has to keep 5k's. Their are different sects within sikhism that follow their own rehat (The sikh code of conduct), which was not made offical until the 1950s when the scholars agreed that this was the best defination of a Sikh. However the Guru's never made a rehat to say who is a sikh and who isnt, instead they gave guidelines how one becomes a better person physically and spiritually in order to achieve salvation. The tenth Guru created the Khalsa for those Sikhs wishing to be saint soldiers and defend the faith from persecution, he did not insist all Sikhs become Khalsa in order to be Sikhs.

So coming back to the point about the guy who wants to keep his hair, tell him its upto him, he has every right to do so but in Sikhism...... because the guru's didnt insist on Sikhs having uncut hair to be a Sikh you can say to him he doesnt either. As for his wife not wanting him to keep the beard, well that shows he has married a superficial woman.

[TechPhunk]

There's no compromise in love. Once someone comprises, the relationship starts to falter. Everyone is their own individual self. It doesn't matter if he agreed before the marriage, it's not her hair and it's not her identity, and if she's really that uncomfortable with him trying to identify with himself, then she needs to leave or get the boot.

[chakdephute]

Originally Posted by TechPhunk

There's no compromise in love. Once someone comprises, the relationship starts to falter. Everyone is their own individual self. It doesn't matter if he agreed before the marriage, it's not her hair and it's not her identity, and if she's really that uncomfortable with him trying to identify with himself, then she needs to leave or get the boot.

You may be right about love, but when it comes to marriage, I think it's all about compromise. You have to compromise your own satisfaction and happiness to make your wife happy by working 9 to 5 and taking out the trash despite how badly you want to watch the upcoming Bears game and vice versa to make your husband happy by giving him sex despite how badly you want your beauty rest.

I think love is about compromise, but only to an extent...all the little things. But when it comes to serious issues like faith and values, you're 100% correct.

This guy should sit and talk to her, tell her how important this is to him. If she cannot accept that fact, he obviously made a mistake in marrying her. Divorce may be the correct method here. Who knows, she may end up cheating on a "more attractive" guy who's clean shaven.

[fragiledoll]

Originally Posted by chakdephute

You may be right about love, but when it comes to marriage, I think it's all about compromise. You have to compromise your own satisfaction and happiness to make your wife happy by working 9 to 5 and taking out the trash despite how badly you want to watch the upcoming Bears game and vice versa to make your husband happy by giving him sex despite how badly you want your beauty rest.

I think love is about compromise, but only to an extent...all the little things. But when it comes to serious issues like faith and values, you're 100% correct.

This guy should sit and talk to her, tell her how important this is to him. If she cannot accept that fact, he obviously made a mistake in marrying her. Divorce may be the correct method here. Who knows, she may end up cheating on a "more attractive" guy who's clean shaven.

yeah. talking is the only solution. otherwise divorce her.

[jassika]

Originally Posted by counter strike

Depends what rehat he follows ie the Sikh code of conduct. If he following Khalsa Sikhism then he has to keep 5k's. Their are different sects within sikhism that follow their own rehat (The sikh code of conduct), which was not made offical until the 1950s when the scholars agreed that this was the best defination of a Sikh. However the Guru's never made a rehat to say who is a sikh and who isnt, instead they gave guidelines how one becomes a better person physically and spiritually in order to achieve salvation. The tenth Guru created the Khalsa for those Sikhs wishing to be saint soldiers and defend the faith from persecution, he did not insist all Sikhs become Khalsa in order to be Sikhs.

So coming back to the point about the guy who wants to keep his hair, tell him its upto him, he has every right to do so but in Sikhism...... because the guru's didnt insist on Sikhs having uncut hair to be a Sikh you can say to him he doesnt either. As for his wife not wanting him to keep the beard, well that shows he has married a superficial woman.

ooh thats so interesting i'm gonna email that to him