my useless funny shit thread!!!

[hawthamzi]

My mama and your mama was talking little shit
My mama called your mama a bull dagging ass bitch
I know your sister, and the bitch ain't shit
She slayed me and all the boys
And even sucked our dicks


Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun
Jack got mad, kicked Jill in the ass
Cause she couldn't make him cum


Mama Bear and Papa Bear went for a walk through the forest
Mama Bear asked Papa Bear could he eat her porridge
Papa Bear said 'shit bitch, you must think I'm sick
Just get down here, on your knees
And suck this badass dick'


Abraham Lincoln was a good old man
He hopped out the window with his dick in his hand
Said 'excuse me lady, I'm doing my duty
So pull down your pants and give me some booty'


There's an old lady who lives in a shoe
Got a house full of kids don't know what to do
She sucked and fucked all the nigguhs around
When it's time to pay rent couldn't none be found


Little miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
With her legs gapped open wide
Up came a spider, looked up inside her
And said 'that pussy's wide'


Little Jack Horner sat in a corner
Fucking this cutie pie
Stuck in his thumb, made the bitch cum
Said 'hell of a ***** am I'


Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall
Cause a hoe on the ave. was sucking his balls
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put that fat motherfucker back together again


Little Red Riding Hood was on her way
To grandmother's house
But before she got there she met this man
That turned her hot ass out


Rupunzle, Rupunzle let down your hair
The dog's on my ass and getting near
The hair came loose and fell in a lake
Bitch check the weave that's in that lake



feel free to add ur own funny shit!!

[Spiky]

I don't have that shit, but I want to add this gif.

[hawthamzi]

Originally Posted by Spiky

I don't have that shit, but I want to add this gif.

bukake?

[Spork]

Lhasa, the capital city of Tibet, means “Holy City” or “Place of the Gods” in Tibetan. It is also the ancestral home of the Dalai Lama.

[hawthamzi]

What Can Sporks be Used For?

Wouldn't you like to know? I thought so. So here goes. Many people still truly believe that sporks can be used for eating. Some people think it is the perfect utensil for potato salad, others believe it is ideal for Chinese food. Apparently it is a good utensil for small children (what, to confuse them more?) and some even say that the best use for a spork is to retrieve all of that extra goo that is left over on the paper after consuming foodstuffs from Taco Bell.

For those of us who are fully aware that the utensil is as our spork experts say "a poor excuse for an eating utensil," here is what most would find to be the ideal use for this sorry piece of cutlery. It is called "fooning". This is the process of turning your spork inside out and popping it back into shape causing a loud cracking sound known as spacking.

The process of fooning is as follows:



1.Place your thumb on the bottom curve of the spork

2.Gently push in with the thumb until the spork is inverted

3.If done properly, you may let go and the spork will retain its foon shape

As you can see, this could result in hours of entertainment, so beware the swirling vortex of fooning; it could pull you in!

[Spork]

Originally Posted by hawthamzi

What Can Sporks be Used For?

Wouldn't you like to know? I thought so. So here goes. Many people still truly believe that sporks can be used for eating. Some people think it is the perfect utensil for potato salad, others believe it is ideal for Chinese food. Apparently it is a good utensil for small children (what, to confuse them more?) and some even say that the best use for a spork is to retrieve all of that extra goo that is left over on the paper after consuming foodstuffs from Taco Bell.

For those of us who are fully aware that the utensil is as our spork experts say "a poor excuse for an eating utensil," here is what most would find to be the ideal use for this sorry piece of cutlery. It is called "fooning". This is the process of turning your spork inside out and popping it back into shape causing a loud cracking sound known as spacking.

The process of fooning is as follows:



1.Place your thumb on the bottom curve of the spork

2.Gently push in with the thumb until the spork is inverted

3.If done properly, you may let go and the spork will retain its foon shape

As you can see, this could result in hours of entertainment, so beware the swirling vortex of fooning; it could pull you in!

Fcuk the foon, however.

[hawthamzi]

Yes, you've heard correctly. Sporks have managed to rack up their own point of controversy. People all over the country are upset at the treatment of sporks over the past few decades. This is how one counterrevolutionary would describe the controversy: "They are NOT Sporks!! They never were Sporks!!…The utensil is a cross between a Spoon and a Fork. It is predominantly a Spoon, with tiny little Fork points. I mean the name should reflect its features. Since it's more spoon than fork, it should sound more like 'spoon', not 'fork'. Phonetically, Foon sounds like Spoon, and Spork sounds like pork. But I don't recommend eating pork with plastic utensils, which is another reason it doesn't make sense to call it a Spork." As you can see this has become a heated issue in our society. However, I must say that although the freak does have a point (not to mention an entire website dedicated to the cause), Spork just sounds better. Besides, what would we call fooning if our sorry excuse for a utensil were already called a foon? Therefore, it must be named a spork, which I will undoubtedly support.

[Spork]

Originally Posted by hawthamzi

Yes, you've heard correctly. Sporks have managed to rack up their own point of controversy. People all over the country are upset at the treatment of sporks over the past few decades. This is how one counterrevolutionary would describe the controversy: "They are NOT Sporks!! They never were Sporks!!…The utensil is a cross between a Spoon and a Fork. It is predominantly a Spoon, with tiny little Fork points. I mean the name should reflect its features. Since it's more spoon than fork, it should sound more like 'spoon', not 'fork'. Phonetically, Foon sounds like Spoon, and Spork sounds like pork. But I don't recommend eating pork with plastic utensils, which is another reason it doesn't make sense to call it a Spork." As you can see this has become a heated issue in our society. However, I must say that although the freak does have a point (not to mention an entire website dedicated to the cause), Spork just sounds better. Besides, what would we call fooning if our sorry excuse for a utensil were already called a foon? Therefore, it must be named a spork, which I will undoubtedly support.

Titanium Spork > ALL

[hawthamzi]

A spork is a perfect metaphor for human existance. It tries to function as both spoon and fork, and because of this dual nature, it fails miserably at both. You cannot have soup with a spork, it is far too shallow; you cannot eat meat with a spork, the prongs are too small.

[Spork]

Originally Posted by hawthamzi

A spork is a perfect metaphor for human existance. It tries to function as both spoon and fork, and because of this dual nature, it fails miserably at both. You cannot have soup with a spork, it is far too shallow; you cannot eat meat with a spork, the prongs are too small.

You, sir, aren't spork aware.

[hawthamzi]

Pull out all but the edge prongs, rip off the handle, and stick it in your mouth. Instant Dracula!

Invert the spork (turn it into a foon) and load stuff into the depression and fire!

Foon your spork and lay it on the table with the arch up, then press on the high arc and release. Flying Foons!

Foon your spork and then spork your foon in rapid sucession, the resulting crack sound is known as a `spack'. This is hours of fun.

Foon your spork and turn the prongs up, you have just created a sporfoontapult, perfect for launchings (see above).

Alternately bend the prongs inward and outward and stand the spork on end. This is a leaning tower of spork. You can then launch foons over it.

Get a bunch of friends together and make a plenty foons. Then start launching them at each other, the objective is to collide foons in mid-air. Note: The more foons in the air the better, try to launch 5-10 at a time for a challenge.

Plant them in your lawn to scare away burglers

Stick them in your backpack to scare away friends

Instead of roses, give your girlfriend sporks in new and interesting ways

[Spork]

Originally Posted by hawthamzi

Pull out all but the edge prongs, rip off the handle, and stick it in your mouth. Instant Dracula!

Invert the spork (turn it into a foon) and load stuff into the depression and fire!

Foon your spork and lay it on the table with the arch up, then press on the high arc and release. Flying Foons!

Foon your spork and then spork your foon in rapid sucession, the resulting crack sound is known as a `spack'. This is hours of fun.

Foon your spork and turn the prongs up, you have just created a sporfoontapult, perfect for launchings (see above).

Alternately bend the prongs inward and outward and stand the spork on end. This is a leaning tower of spork. You can then launch foons over it.

Get a bunch of friends together and make a plenty foons. Then start launching them at each other, the objective is to collide foons in mid-air. Note: The more foons in the air the better, try to launch 5-10 at a time for a challenge.

Plant them in your lawn to scare away burglers

Stick them in your backpack to scare away friends

Instead of roses, give your girlfriend sporks in new and interesting ways

Spork > Foon > Spoon > Fork > Knife

[hawthamzi]

Originally Posted by Spork

Spork > Foon > Spoon > Fork > Knife

knives are the shit man!!! when was the last time u stopped somebody mugging ur ass withj a spork or a foon or a spoon or a fork??

[Spork]

Originally Posted by hawthamzi

knives are the shit man!!! when was the last time u stopped somebody mugging ur ass withj a spork or a foon or a spoon or a fork??

If someone stopped me with a knife, I'd pull out my titanium spork and they'd back off slowly. Oh so slowly.

Spork>>>>Knife.

[hawthamzi]

[Spiky]

[Spork]

Originally Posted by hawthamzi

[hawthamzi]

Originally Posted by Spiky

nice pic, but wtf is that?

[Spiky]

Originally Posted by hawthamzi

nice pic, but wtf is that?

Its a real house apparently.

[Spiky]

I dunno what to make out of this. Pretty deep shiit.

[hawthamzi]

Originally Posted by Spiky

Its a real house apparently.

wheres the front door? or do you jump thru that hole??

[hawthamzi]

Originally Posted by Spiky

I dunno what to make out of this. Pretty deep shiit.

thas a bit fucked init

[hawthamzi]

[Spiky]

What the fuckin gooks!!

[hawthamzi]

so true!!!