ali makes u lauf

[303Alikaz]

One day mom was cleaning juniors room and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine.

This was highly upsetting for her.

She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him.

He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word.

She finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?"

Dad looked at her and said, "Well, I don't think you should spank him."

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There was a black guy, an indian, and a cowboy sittin in a bar drinkin.

The indian took a sip of his moonshine and said, "my people once covered America, now we are few."

The black guy took a swig of his 40oz and said, "my brothas were once few, now we are many."

The cowboy took a drag of his Marlboro and a swig of his Bud and responded, "that's because we haven't played Cowboys and ******s yet.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

A cowboy is riding across the plains of the old west, when he is captured by Indians. The tribe puts him on trial for crimes against the Indian Nation, and he is found guilty.

"You have been sentenced to death," said the Chief, "but, as is our custom, you have three wishes to make as your last requests."

The cowboy thought for a minute and said, "Well, for my first wish, I'll need my horse."

"Give him his horse," said the Chief.

The cowboy whispered something into the horse's ear, and the horse took off like a shot across the prairie. Twenty minutes later, the horse returned with a beautiful blonde woman on its back. The cowboy looked at this, shrugged his shoulders, and helped the young lady off the horse. He then took her into the woods and had his way with her.

"Second wish," said the Chief.

"I'll need my horse again," said the cowboy.

"Give him his horse," said the Chief.

Once again, the cowboy whispered into the horse's ear, and once again the horse rode off over the prairie. Thirty minutes later, the horse returned with a beautiful brunette on its back.

The cowboy looked up and shrugged, helped the young lady off the horse, and went into the woods, same reason as before.

"This is your last wish," said the Chief, "make it a good one."

"I'll need my horse again."

"Give him his horse," said the Chief.

The cowboy grabbed each side of the horse's head, and put his face right up to the horse's.

"I said POSSE!"

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I don't how many of you shop at Wal-Mart, but this may be useful to know.

I am posting this to you to warn you of something that happened to me, as I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.

This happened to me at Wal-Mart and it could happen to you.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk.

They both start wiping your windscreen with a rag and Windolene, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Wal-Mart. You agree and they get in the back seat.

On the way, they start having sex with each other.Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday and probably tonight.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry's house to play cards with some friends.

Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife. Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up.

When he looked across the table he saw that Terry's wife had her legs open and no panties on.

He sat up and was flushed. He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water.To his surprise, Terry's wife had followed him into the kitchen and said "Did you like what you saw?"

Mike said "Yes I did."

She said "Well you can get more than that, but it will cost you $500."

So Mike thought about this financial situation and said "O.K."

She said "Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work then."

Mike said, "I'll see you then."

The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, then he left.

Later, Terry came home and asked, "Has Mike been over here today?"

She said, thinking she had been caught, "As a matter of fact, he did. "

Terry said, "Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with you."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

So I'm on one of those little airplanes the other day, you know the kind that only seats like 30 people, and the stewardess comes by and asks me what my weight is...

I ask her why she needs to know and she tells me that on these little planes, they calculate the combined weight of all the passengers so they only have to bring just enough fuel to get to where they're going.

I WEIGH FOUR THOUSAND FUCKING POUNDS! FILL ER UP!

Because the LAST thing I want to do is end up starving to death in the mountains because a bunch of women lied about their WEIGHT!

----------------------------------------------------------------------


Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, why, thank you, Little Johnny." Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. "Can he see?" asked Little Johnny.

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision "That's great", said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be fucked if he needed glasses."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass, and having the balls to say, "You're next."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

[303Alikaz]

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "Fucking."

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

In the movie “Back to the Future” they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.

Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris puts the m's on M&Ms.

Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on Mortal Kombat 2 on the Sega Genesis.

Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the 8th wonder of the natural world

Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.

Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.

There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.

Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.

Chuck Norris has no concept of time, if you go to his house you won't find a single clock. When you ask to leave because it's getting late he stares at you blankly until you sit back down.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.

Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym

In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight co-host Mary Hart that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in "Total Recall".

Chuck Norris once did a back flip off the Great Wall of China.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

Chuck Norris caught all 386 pokemon in just under 2.7 seconds. He says he won't trade any of them for anything.

In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.

Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the paralympics.

Chuck Norris will never fully be male nor female. Doctors once asked him which he preferred. He gave them an ad for a Total Gym.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

If you look in a mirror and say "Chuck Norris" three times, he will appear and kill your entire family... but at least you get to see Chuck Norris.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

Chuck Norris was the original Danny Tanner on the hit family sitcom, "Full House". He was replaced by Bob Saget after an unfortunate incident with one of the Olsen triplets.

When Chuck Norris was driving he saw a sign that said, "Caution: Small Children Playing." So he slowed down, but then it occurred to him: Chuck Norris isn't afraid of small children.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas

A Chevy truck was totalled in a car accident. It hit black ice, then hit Chuck Norris. You tell me what did the damage.

Everytime Chuck Norris hears the term ‘Virgin’ Mary he laughs out loud…

It used to be called the Tower of Pisa…until Chuck Norris decided to roundhouse kick the shit out of it

Chuck Norris kills 14 white people at the end of every week just to prove he isn’t racist.

[xsilent_watersx]

Chuck Norris kills 14 white people at the end of every week just to prove he isn’t racist.

lol

[SeKcGaL]

[303Alikaz]

Originally Posted by SeKcGaL

[Giddi]

@ the first post


chuck norris part was too long to read

[303Alikaz]

Originally Posted by xsilent_watersx

Chuck Norris kills 14 white people at the end of every week just to prove he isn’t racist.

lol

i love chuck norris jokes

[SeKcGaL]

Originally Posted by 303Alikaz

...

[303Alikaz]

Originally Posted by SeKcGaL

...

kia hua

[SeKcGaL]

Originally Posted by 303Alikaz

kia hua

A-I-M

[303Alikaz]

Originally Posted by SeKcGaL

A-I-M

i dun havee itt how do u not have msn dunt u use hotmail or sumthing

[SeKcGaL]

Originally Posted by 303Alikaz

i dun havee itt how do u not have msn dunt u use hotmail or sumthing

im at college so i cant access msn from here....its blocked....

im using aim express...


common jus join it...it takes jus 5 mins

[*~MuFFiN~*]

hahaaha

[303Alikaz]

Originally Posted by *~MuFFiN~*

hahaaha

dat was soo forced

[303Alikaz]

Originally Posted by SeKcGaL

im at college so i cant access msn from here....its blocked....

im using aim express...


common jus join it...it takes jus 5 mins

achaaa na how do i join gimme the link

[*~MuFFiN~*]

Originally Posted by 303Alikaz

dat was soo forced

i promise i was laughin

hehe

cept i call power rangers to say hi!




(see, i even READ the whole thing)

[303Alikaz]

Originally Posted by *~MuFFiN~*

i promise i was laughin

hehe

cept i call power rangers to say hi!




(see, i even READ the whole thing)

lolll fine i belive u

[*~MuFFiN~*]

Originally Posted by 303Alikaz

lolll fine i belive u

oh ur so fired

[SeKcGaL]

Originally Posted by 303Alikaz

achaaa na how do i join gimme the link

https://reg.my.screenname.aol.com/_c...3szEQRzhUIDa7L

[LaBelleSeynorita]

Ali



lemme guess u were bored???

[303Alikaz]

Originally Posted by LaBelleSeynorita

Ali



lemme guess u were bored???

lol u kno me toooooo well

[303Alikaz]

Originally Posted by SeKcGaL

https://reg.my.screenname.aol.com/_c...3szEQRzhUIDa7L

got it now wut