worlds best divorce letter

**PrOfFaSeE** · December 10th, 2005, 10:19 PM

Dear Connie,

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride has cost me a lot of things.

I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.

Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation.

She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit.

Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives.

It's all so superficial.

What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'm never really thought of that before.

I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'm tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss.

Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story.

Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry.

And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you. It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is.

Love, Dan

loc_Inve · December 10th, 2005, 10:23 PM

ha ha , pretty funny

**PrOfFaSeE** · December 10th, 2005, 10:24 PM

allyoopz · December 10th, 2005, 10:24 PM

funnie stuff

~GuJu PriNceSs~ · December 10th, 2005, 10:25 PM

o god.

**PrOfFaSeE** · December 10th, 2005, 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~GuJu PriNceSs~

o god.

wat dats crakkk
!

~MoNa~ · December 10th, 2005, 10:38 PM

one word :
malespecie

**PrOfFaSeE** · December 10th, 2005, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~MoNa~

one word :
malespecie

u 4got the S darling

tsx09 · December 10th, 2005, 10:45 PM

~GuJu PriNceSs~ · December 10th, 2005, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrOfFaSeE

wat dats crakkk
!

lol. wat.

~MoNa~ · December 10th, 2005, 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrOfFaSeE

u 4got the S darling

ahha shuddup

thanks for correcting me dearest

**PrOfFaSeE** · December 10th, 2005, 10:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~GuJu PriNceSs~

lol. wat.

its funny

**PrOfFaSeE** · December 10th, 2005, 10:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~MoNa~

ahha shuddup

thanks for correcting me dearest

are u really wat ur name says?

~GuJu PriNceSs~ · December 10th, 2005, 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrOfFaSeE

its funny

lol. ok ok. it is. but very sad too.

**PrOfFaSeE** · December 10th, 2005, 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~GuJu PriNceSs~

lol. ok ok. it is. but very sad too.

its fictional

~GuJu PriNceSs~ · December 10th, 2005, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrOfFaSeE

its fictional

it's still sad. lol. but i do see the humor in it. if someone waz stupid enough to do that in real life.

~MoNa~ · December 10th, 2005, 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrOfFaSeE

are u really wat ur name says?

huh??

wat does my name say?

wats in a remona?..yah its remona..mona for short..
buh im confused

**PrOfFaSeE** · December 10th, 2005, 11:12 PM

nah i just wanted to know if u were a ~MoNa~

my supervisor at works got the same name as u

The Only One · December 10th, 2005, 11:14 PM

hahahaha

**PrOfFaSeE** · December 10th, 2005, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Only One

hahahaha

yeah dats wassup

ilikecheese · December 11th, 2005, 12:10 AM

damn the remote :\

**PrOfFaSeE** · December 11th, 2005, 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ilikecheese

damn the remote :\

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order....

2CoNfUsEd · December 11th, 2005, 01:34 AM

**PrOfFaSeE** · December 11th, 2005, 01:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2CoNfUsEd

its tyte

mcsquare · December 11th, 2005, 01:49 AM

December 10th, 2005, 10:19 PM	#1
PrOfFaSeE Βanned Join Date: Sep 13 2005 Location: Gaia Posts: 47,585 Reputation: 2147483647 --> Rep Power: 214748571 Casino cash: $59931	worlds best divorce letter Dear Connie, I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride has cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'm never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'm tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy." Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you. It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is. Love, Dan __________________

December 10th, 2005, 10:23 PM	#2
loc_Inve Regular Poster Join Date: Oct 23 2005 Posts: 909 Reputation: 10 --> Rep Power: 20 Casino cash: $1000	ha ha , pretty funny __________________

December 10th, 2005, 10:24 PM	#3
PrOfFaSeE Βanned Join Date: Sep 13 2005 Location: Gaia Posts: 47,585 Reputation: 2147483647 --> Rep Power: 214748571 Casino cash: $59931	yep __________________

December 10th, 2005, 10:25 PM	#5
~GuJu PriNceSs~ Should I Consider Retiring??? Join Date: Jun 9 2005 Location: sitting on a lone cloud in the middle of the sky Posts: 6,517 Reputation: 10 --> Rep Power: 45 Casino cash: $1000	o god. __________________

December 10th, 2005, 11:12 PM	#18
PrOfFaSeE Βanned Join Date: Sep 13 2005 Location: Gaia Posts: 47,585 Reputation: 2147483647 --> Rep Power: 214748571 Casino cash: $59931	nah i just wanted to know if u were a ~MoNa~ my supervisor at works got the same name as u __________________

December 10th, 2005, 10:24 PM	#4
allyoopz Regular Poster Join Date: Nov 1 2005 Location: a shikara on Dal Lake Posts: 1,271 Reputation: 32546156 --> Rep Power: 3254636 Casino cash: $9440	funnie stuff

December 10th, 2005, 10:38 PM	#7
~MoNa~ Regular Poster Join Date: Sep 18 2005 Posts: 732 Reputation: 1123605 --> Rep Power: 112379 Casino cash: $6726	one word : malespecie

December 10th, 2005, 10:45 PM	#9
tsx09 Addicted Join Date: Oct 5 2005 Posts: 4,744 Reputation: 10 --> Rep Power: 35 Casino cash: $305	lol

December 10th, 2005, 11:14 PM	#19
The Only One Can't Stay Away Join Date: Nov 6 2005 Posts: 2,126 Reputation: 10 --> Rep Power: 25 Casino cash: $2615	hahahaha

December 11th, 2005, 12:10 AM	#21
ilikecheese Should I Consider Retiring??? Tournaments Won: 40 Join Date: Oct 6 2003 Location: Lala Land, Pop: 0 Posts: 48,931 Reputation: 2042130690 --> Rep Power: 204213288 Casino cash: $89405	damn the remote :\ __________________

December 11th, 2005, 01:34 AM	#23
2CoNfUsEd Should I Consider Retiring??? Join Date: Apr 21 2005 Location: Nigeria Posts: 6,156 Reputation: 10 --> Rep Power: 43 Casino cash: $1871

December 11th, 2005, 01:49 AM	#25
mcsquare Still a Newb Join Date: Sep 27 2005 Location: 1/2 a day in college,1/2 a day in the gym..y r u reading this bych?do u think i hav da time 2 pimp? Posts: 498 Reputation: 10 --> Rep Power: 18 Casino cash: $1000	__________________

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