CRAZY SHAYERI(poetry)/lyrics/jokes/fun stuff!

[fattygirl]

this should be da section where we can submit anythin crazy ...jokes, funny experiences...funny quotes! u get da idea...funny stuff! how bout i start wid a quote:
ahem ahem...
Loug kehtay hain tumharay hount quran hain, hamay bhi choomnay dou, hum bhi musalman hain!"
lol! not ma original so dun boo me now!
also there is some mest up lyrics...
JUNOON SAY AUR ISHQ SAY BARHTI HAI AABADI!
lol
hav fun
PeaXe

[Gunslinger]

The second one is funny but come on now even if it's not yours don't make or mention shairs with Quran or Musalman in them. It's lame.

[fattygirl]

sorry sir! wont happen again!
it jus sounded funny when i first heard it!
:oops:

[fattygirl]

ahh people...did i tell u i write too, for ma skool newspaper...well here is one article on da BRITNEY MADONNA CHRISTINA KISS....from ma viewpoint...chek it out and if u got any comments, pass em on, i m not quiet dun wid it though...
The VERY shocking KISS
By Anam
Just when you thought walls were being torn down and women have an equal voice then pops up this show that promotes women can only sing, try to be smart and jiggle and shake. The women on leashes and their stereotypical behavior are horrific.
I'm a Feminist and the VMA Awards on MTV to me were sick. The Britney-Madonna-Christina kiss to me was NOT to show any openness between women or gays but it was used to shock and make teenage boys and males in their 20's elect to buy Britney-Madonna-Christina music maybe.
If you think about it, many males love to see that happen. There is a multimillion dollar industry that has women kissing each other on video tapes and DVD's. Most of this product is sold to men. The kiss was eye candy to most men. It was designed to please the majority of men. The gay stereotype humor was disgusting and it looked like people being open but really brought back the notion that gay men only like fashion.
The women with Snoop Dogg allow themselves to be paraded around on leashes, how are we supposed to be liberated when even many women now set us back? This whole society is a total mess. Yes I am encouraging all the girls of this society not to let guys ever take control of you. Don't be afraid to reason with them or do whatever necessary in self defense if you're being harassed. They don't expect it, and it shows you are not a weak. Most women are afraid to stand up to men. Of course a lot of people don't use bad language or violence and that's fine, I don't recommend it unless it’s absolutely necessary but the point is, you shouldn't be ashamed to defend yourself in front of a guy.
I'm straight but I don't know why people could have a problem with being gay. What does it matter if someone likes someone of the opposite sex? I don't think that people choose those feelings; they are simply born with them. Judge not, or be judged. So I don't know why people feel the need to judge others for their desires that are harmless.
It is sad that the business is set up to where women have to exploit themselves to sell music to a certain extent, and, in most cases, to even be on a simple magazine cover! Who are the most successful female singers of all time? Britney and Madonna are up there. And look what people talk about. Their music? Hmmm……Men are able to promote themselves and be heard as musicians without wearing sexy clothes, or getting labels for how they dress in the first place. Not so with female singers.

[Gunslinger]

And she says she is not done with it yet. lol I still think it's putting your point across pretty well. Nice article madam. Keep it up.

[fattygirl]

lol...i m not dun wid it cuz i still need to edit it kinda and add a CONCLUSION!!! dude! i m a gud writer 8) so gotta work hard....currently doin this otha article on Newlyweds nick and jessica and how much i hate dat blonde! lol......

[cHiTwNdeSigRL]

hey..thats a really nice article...well written...and very consise... very true as well. awesome job..keep it up ~!!!

[MiSta InDia]

I'm a Feminist and the VMA Awards on MTV to me were sick. The Britney-Madonna-Christina kiss to me was NOT to show any openness between women or gays but it was used to shock and make teenage boys and males in their 20's elect to buy Britney-Madonna-Christina music maybe.

heh i doubt any guy went to go buy their albums..
id say the boys have something to download and its not their album.. its the kiss

[fattygirl]

you know wat i mean! i mean i didnt feel like putting it's da kis they are gonna download since this is comin out in da SKOOL papaer......pshh..i had to cut out a lotsa shit! ahh...one day i will write big time den no one can stopppppppp me :twisted:

[fattygirl]

here is some lame shit.....i jus feel like puttin it here!

one and one is two, add one for three
but numbers dun make a family
you can smile your smile and grin your grin
but showing teeth dun get u bak in
cuz while you are makin up your mind
you are throwin away wats left behind
fire burns and it sure aint nice
but it takes a lame to get buried twice

[gt_sweetness]

hey gr8 article...i wish my school had a newpaper:( DAMN ERNIE EVES AND SCHOOL CUT BACKS :evil: ..... :x .....ouff!!!...u seem to write about celebrities only........maybe its just me......

[gt_sweetness]

this should be da section where we can submit anythin crazy ...jokes, funny experiences...funny quotes! u get da idea...funny stuff! how bout i start wid a quote:
ahem ahem...
Loug kehtay hain tumharay hount quran hain, hamay bhi choomnay dou, hum bhi musalman hain!"
lol! not ma original so dun boo me now!
also there is some mest up lyrics...
JUNOON SAY AUR ISHQ SAY BARHTI HAI AABADI!
lol
hav fun
PeaXe
can some translate for this poor guyanese gurl :cry: this sucks, i really gotta learn how to speak hindi....

[Gunslinger]

Zindagi ka Safar Hai Ik Ghusal Khaanaaa Kal yahan Kya Ho Kis Nay Janaaaa lolsssss Jokes*

[fattygirl]

FAMOUS FUNNY QUOTES

“Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.” Adrienne Gusoff


“An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” Agatha Christie


“If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either."

[ilikecheese]

intering irc chat log:

[12:42] <jack212> hey can u help my install this program? it wont install because it says i have some programs running
[12:45] <cheeseman> ooh okay well yea a lot of shit wont install if u have programs running in the background
[12:45] <cheeseman> u dont know why X_X
[12:45] <cheeseman> but anyway... first make sure u close all the windows u have open
[12:47] *** jack212 (javalite@xxxxx.xxxxx.xxxxx.xxxxx) Quit (Quit: Leaving)
[12:48] <cheeseman> hello?
[12:49] <darkgen> hahahah
[12:48] <cheeseman> maybe i should have said not to close the the chat window X_X

[fattygirl]

lol...daz stupid! well here is more quotes i found , cheesy kinda...:
The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ...I'd have nothing to play with. (EWWW)...

When on the ladder of success, don't let boys look up your dress! ....;)

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." - Tiger Woods

[ilikecheese]

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." - Tiger Woods
black pimps wear light color polo t-shirts and vests? and regular fitting pants?

[fattygirl]

dun ask me...TIger Woods said it!

[ilikecheese]

<whitewolf> 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A
<whitewolf> 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
<whitewolf> 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business Reply Mail Envelope.
<whitewolf> 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold in your hand.
<whitewolf> 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away whistling.
<whitewolf> I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.
<whitewolf> Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.

[fattygirl]

hahahah! prankster! im gonna get new idea from u....keep it up man!

[ilikecheese]

hahah.. thank u thank u ^_^

[fattygirl]

here is dis one mail i got in ma mailbox! so crazy
This is the essay on "Cow" which was (supposedly) written by some
student
in the course of completing the "Indian Civil Services Examination" :-
)

I bet you will enjoy this.

Sachi

PS : There are no typos in this essay. Everything is legal and as it
was
written in the exam.If you develop cramps reading this or find
your
English gone haywire after reading this, please dont blame me :-)
__________________________________________________ ____________________
_

CALCUTTA's Telegraph has got hold of an answer paper of a candidate
at the
recent UPSC examinations. The candidate has written an essay on the
Indian cow:
"The cow is a successful animal. Also he is quadrupud, and because he
is
female, he give milk,but will do so when he is got child.He is same
like
God,sacred to Hindus and useful to man.But he has got four legs
together.
Two are forward and two are afterwards.

"His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. What can
it do?
Various ghee, butter,cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so
forth.
Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.

"His motion is slow only because he is of asitudinious species. Also
his
other motion is much useful to trees, plants as well as making flat
cakes in
hand and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates
his feeding
after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are
situated in
the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the
grass.

"His only attacking and defending organ is the horn, specially so
when he is
got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the
weapons
to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed
with great
velocity forwards.

"He has got tails also, but not like similar animals. It has hairs
on the
other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies
which
alight on his cohoa body whereupon he gives hit with it.

The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head
is not
crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and
he shouts
his eyes like his relatives, the horse does not do so.

"This is the cow."

P.S.: We are informed that the candidate passed the exam.

HAHAHAHHHAAHH wow! da person who was reading it must be stupidER

[ilikecheese]

ewww emails.. kill it noww! diee!

[fattygirl]

fyne fyne...submit somethin yo!

[ilikecheese]

<NES> lol
<NES> I download something from Kazaa
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
<NES> "getting my song back fucker"

[fattygirl]

instead of asking ma ASL or wateva, guy IMs me and say...
vasco da gama says:
vip frenchie
vasco da gama says:
ye aaaram ka mamla hai
vasco da gama says:
vip underwear
vasco da gama says:
ye andar ki baaat hai
Anam says:
wah wah!

[ilikecheese]

i don't get it x_X

[fattygirl]

hehe...talking bout V.I.P underwear , which happens to be a commercial probably on one of those Zee tv or SOny channel...lol...

[ilikecheese]

ooooh haven't seen zee tv since i was in bangladesh

[fattygirl]

Boyfriend-Grilfriend Conversation

10. Girlfriend: Did you miss me while I was away??
Boyfriend: Were you away??

9. Boyfriend: I love you and I could die for you!
Girlfriend: How soon??

8. Boyfriend: May I hold your hand??
Girlfriend: No thanks, it isn´t heavy.

7. Girlfriend: I want to dance like this forever..
Boyfriend: Don´t you ever want to improve??

6. Boyfriend: Hi! Didn´t we go on a date once? or was it twice?
Girlfriend: Must´ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice!!!

5. Girlfriend: Who was that girl I saw you with last night?
Boyfriend: What time was it??

4. Girlfriend: I think the poorest people are the happiest..
Boyfriend: Then marry me and we´ll be the happiest couple.

3. Girlfriend: Do you remember when you proposed to me? I was so overwhelmed, I couldn´t speak for an hour..
Boyfriend: Yes Darling, that was the happiest hour of my life...

2. Girlfriend: Say you love me! Say you love me!
Boyfriend: You love me...


1. Boyfriend: Do you think it was fate which brought us together?
Girlfriend: Nah, it was plain bad luck!

[ilikecheese]

lol.. thats so funny yet sooo wrong

[royalbengal]

yo check out this aim convo i had with my friend.. its mostlyunedited... his girlfriend is bengali so he asked me this...

friend: how would you say i miss you in your language?
me: amar nunu chusho
friend: thanks =)
me: you are saying it to your gf right?
friend: yeah im sayin it to her
me: oh then she will definatley love it man... thats mad special

later on

me(11:04:57 PM): yo did u talk to ur girl?
friend(11:05:17 PM): i didnt say it to her
me(11:05:19 PM): oh
friend (11:05:23 PM): i will
me (11:05:44 PM): dont tell her who taught u it.. tell her you learned to say it on your own so she appreciates it more

because she knows me

me (11:08:50 PM): do you know how to pronounce it?
me (11:09:15 PM): if not.. you can practice it by going to jackson heights and going upto a random guy and trying it...
me (11:09:40 PM): he will be like wtf and u can tell him that ur girl is bengali and ur trying to practice how to say what u wanna say to her.. they will appreciate it too.. u mite get some free food and stuff


jackson heights is a place in nyc thats filled with desis, mostly bengalis and indians...

to find it even a little funny you gotta know what i actually told him to say... :wink:

[ilikecheese]

lmfao
haha so did u guys come to jh? i wanna see!

[fattygirl]

omgiod! wat da hell does that mean!! wat did u saayyyyyyy
i m so so 99% sure it is a bad phrase in bangali or some homo line! lol
c;mon...reveal da dirt !!!

[royalbengal]

nah i didnt go with him.. i told him to go...

lol ...
amar = my
chusho = suck

figure the rest out... 8)

[ilikecheese]

<t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
<BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
<BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
<BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
<BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
<BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
<BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
<BlackAdder> IN FACT
<BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
<BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
<BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
<doulikecheese> lmfao
<t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
<CRCError> right
<heartless> Right.
<r3v> right
<doulikecheese> :cough: right >_<

[fattygirl]

Tom said," Dear Friend Dick,
Why do you appear so sick?"
"Do you have any major stress?,
You seem to be in great distress."
"Has your father excluded you from will?,
Or has your wife again incurred hefty bill?
"Has you son again topped from bottom in class?
Or has your boss again called you an ass?"
Has your daughter courted the trouble same?,
By courting some Casanova again.
Dick replied, "These are trivial things,
That cannot affect even my outer being.
I have lost interest in life,
Because cable operators are again on strike.”

hehe...he is like me! addictedddddddd to TV!!

[Gunslinger]

lolssss cheese

[ilikecheese]

hmmm i wonder what happened to royals friend

[fattygirl]

hav a feeling mr.royal wont REVEAL anymore of da story..lol
but here is some crazy stuff ...

QUOTES BOUT MARRIAGE

10. She's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband.
Marry her before she finds one.
9. Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with;
only marry someone that you cannot live without.
8. Behind every successful person stands a woman.
And behind her stands his wife.
7. Many a woman owes her success to her first husband;
and her second husband to her success.
6. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can make more money than such a man.
5. Marriage is a three ring circus:
engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
4. I had some words with my wife,
and she had some paragraphs with me.
3. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
2. If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

1. If a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

[ilikecheese]

hahaha
num 1 wasn't so funny but the rest were

[Gangstajatt]

lyrics:

I need a girl who is true to me and pure to me. It wont depress me if she anit the best , i dont even want here to be looking like the rest, those bitches are just a pest. She better not breake my heart it is all i got, so plz fail me not, here i go with my shot. There goes my heart into 22 pieces, first she use to give me sweet sweet kiss's, but that's long the time, that's the gone time, that was the past this is the present, i got the future for my tugh life anf give hughs to bitches under the spot light. That is kind of girl i want , girl with pride.

[ilikecheese]

lyrics:

I need a girl who is true to me and pure to me. It wont depress me if she anit the best , i dont even want here to be looking like the rest, those bitches are just a pest. She better not breake my heart it is all i got, so plz fail me not, here i go with my shot. There goes my heart into 22 pieces, first she use to give me sweet sweet kiss's, but that's long the time, that's the gone time, that was the past this is the present, i got the future for my tugh life anf give hughs to bitches under the spot light. That is kind of girl i want , girl with pride. umm was that suppose to be rap or sometthing? didn't seem like a song to me X_X... and i dont think it can be rap.. no cursing or nothing!

[fattygirl]

here is a line from ma favorite guy!
"Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family." - Homer Simpson

[ilikecheese]

here is a line from ma favorite guy!
"mmmmmm donutsssss." :droooools: http://members.tripod.com/homy/pictures/misc/drool.gif- Homer Simpson

[fattygirl]

stop copying me!!!
------------->here is a line from ma favorite guy!

argh

[ilikecheese]

here is a line from ma favorite guy!
"A hundred bucks for a comic book? Who drew it, Michaelmelangelo?" - Homer Simpson

[ilikecheese]

here is a line from ma favorite guy!
"Ooh, I love your magazine. Especially the 'Enrich Your Wordpower' section. I think it's really...really... really...good." - Homer Simpson (homer to the reader digest lady)

[fattygirl]

aww..homer is adorable!
remember dat episode!
he was wid LIsa n she said GOOD BYE..in dis angry tone
and homer said BAD BYE!
lol....
ma mom lovs marge cuz of her freaky hair and voice!
when she sayz homer, it seems more liek HOE-MUUUUR

[fattygirl]

Interesting Fact !!!!!!

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe


i read it fine....how bout u?

[ilikecheese]

Interesting Fact !!!!!!

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe


i read it fine....how bout u? thats an old fact XD a while back in the forums i was typing like that, its more annoying to type like that :-P yes and the simpons r funny. my mom watches it with me sometimes, and i think she finds marge interesting for the big blue hair X_X

[ilikecheese]

one of my fav

"Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer. " - Homer Simpson

[ftw71486]

prolly the funniest homer line ever waz the episode when apu's mother is coming to get him married and apu is supposed 2 pretend that he's married 2 marge....b4 apu comes homer's lying in his sofa eatin suttin and he's like hm i feel like i forgot something, and then apu comes and homer goes 'HOLY CRAP'....ok maybe that story waz a lil too long for that punchline, but anyone who saw that episode prolly agrees that it has the funniest homer moments ever (i am sheebaa) arrite...more later...simpsons are good, but family guy ownz

[ilikecheese]

if family guys own how come they dont air it on fox five no more? do they still air it on cable? i forget. no but really.. simpsons own! well that part was funny ftw, but there were funnier parts, like when homer is teaching apu about the US so he can stay take the test and stay in amerca, and he wakes up is
apu "ooh no! i forgot everything mister simpson thought me"
lisa "thats great! lets go" (can't remember her exact words)

"Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos!" - Homer Simpson

[fattygirl]

da simpsons ruleeeeeeeee
i did a freakin powerpoint presentation in ma summer skool computer class , one page was dedicated to them, i had da funniest pics of bart wid his butt showing and homer's naked body..lol
n dat pic where they show a crayon stuck in homer's head
awwwwwwww
o yea n i was da only one who ended up wid an A grade!! yeaaaaaaa
welll here is somethin else i think u mite find interesting:


LET'S SEE HOW NORMAL U ARE!! Test
p.s : cheeseman, u definely need to take this;)...haha

Below is a very private way to gauge(measure) your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it." The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you have made your own......OK, relax, clear your mind and.... begin

.




1. What do you put in a toaster?

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The answer is "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do
something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to
Question 2.





2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?

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Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not
attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over
stressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need
to content yourself with reading something more appropriate
such as "Children's World." If you said, "water" then proceed
to Question 3.





3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is
made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from?



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Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said
"green bricks," what the devil are you still doing here reading
these questions ?? If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.





4. Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany... Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany. West Germany
or in "no man's land" ?



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Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors" then proceed to the next question.



5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?

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Answer: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything
other than "one degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this
far, but you are obviously out of your league.Turn your pencil in and
exit the room. Everyone else proceed to the final question.



6. Without using a calculator -- You are driving a bus from
London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on
the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people
get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?

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Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU, you! ...the very first line says that you're driving the bus.

[ilikecheese]

heh.. i got all most em right except for the 3rd 1. i guessed carbon dioxide, was thinking of the greenhouse effect :-\

[fattygirl]

hey i got em all wrong! DUH!! i took it EXACTLY 3 in da morning...yea ova da weekend, i m addicted to da net...

[ilikecheese]

hey i got em all wrong! DUH!! i took it EXACTLY 3 in da morning...yea ova da weekend, i m addicted to da net... the time of day shouldn't effect ur judgement or thinking

[fattygirl]

rite..but i think i m a desi blonde..
lol

[ilikecheese]

ur to thuggy to be a blonde X_X

[fattygirl]

zip it...

[ilikecheese]

whip it, whip it, whip that whip, lickerish whip
haha mr smithers from that time when they were all singing the candy song
lolly lolly ooh lolly lolly pop , and then the teeth fall off for the old guy ^_^

[fattygirl]

i dun remember dat
but remember when those gang members took ova homer's house and took marge wid them and she was like ahh no, u r gonna do "STUFF" wid me and they were like nO, we dont find u attractive..lol
and she kept on askin them! hahah

[ilikecheese]

whend that happen? but didn't merge like feed and take of the gang?

[fattygirl]

yep she did..
i hate lisa
bart is cool
lol..
and so is APU!!! and his 8 kids awwwwwwwwwwwwwww :twisted:
remember his marriage ceremony?
lol

[ilikecheese]

hahaha "i am ur god! i want all the peanuts!" hahaha ooh silly homer

[fattygirl]

FOOD QUIZ

10. What did the lonely banana say?
"I'm a-kela"
9. What did the green peas say?
Nothing. They just mutter-ed
8. How did the potato answer the phone?
"Aaloo!"
7. Where do cabbages hang out?
In the Gobi desert
6. What did the flower say to his girl-friend?
"Why do phools fall in love?"
5. What is a vegetable's favorite love song?
"Love me Tinda"
4. . What sort of sweater do grapes wear?
"Angoora"

3. What did the confused egg say?
"I don't unda-stand"
2. What do shrimp sing on Christmas?
"Jhinga Bells!"

1. What did the lonely potato snig?
"Aaloo Lonesome Tonight?"

[ilikecheese]

haha.. wait how is that a quiz? seems more like food jokes >_<

[style]

I close my eyes and all is fine..
I have you now and you are mine..
Free to touch and free to share..
Free to think that you would care..

You are so close I can almost touch you..
Yet so far because I'll never have you..
Only in my dreams can all this be true..
Only in my fantasies will you love me too..

I'd open my heart to you, i'd give you all of me..
I'd do anything you ask me to, if only you could see..
See that every time you're near, I always fall apart..
knowing that though you don't care, you'll always hold my heart..

I watch you hold anothers hand youre as happy so it seems..
so here I nurse my wounded heart and piece my shattered dreams..
so desperatley wanting to close my eyes, in silent tears I weep..

so now i face the bitter truth, i was to blind to see..
reality is slowly kicking in, you were never meant for me..
so here I am alone again, this pain I cannot hide..
and even through you see me here, my heart has already died.

[liquiddreamz]

Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he
laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't
expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I
tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and
card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time
about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be
sex here at seven o'clock every night . ..whether you're here or not."

(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)


Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary! . The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)


Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and
storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to
make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What
took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)


Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of
himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her
objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and
wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of
his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?'"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

[fattygirl]

hahahahahha...daz funny !! i neva heard of any of em befoe...crakin up now!!
u bad bad bad shah ji..
lol
here is a somthin somthin from me....

AI CHIHUAHUA!

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. They're speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever." She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said "How well can you do?"

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence." She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in finesse, is the Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says: "Liver alone. Cheese mine."

[q annie]

Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck."
His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." Adam decided to to his friend's advice.

The next day at the bar his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," Adam replied.

"Did she like it?"

"Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"

[q annie]

A rabbit was hopping through the forest when he came upon a giraffe
rolling a joint. The rabbit said, "Giraffe, don't do drugs. Come, run
with me through the forest." The giraffe looked at the rabbit, then at
the joint. He dropped the joint and ran off with the rabbit.

They came upon an elephant snorting cocaine. The rabbit said,
"Elephant, don't do drugs. Come, run with us through the forest." The
elephant looked at his razor blade and mirror, tossed them away and
began running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then came across a lion about to shoot up. The
rabbit said, "Lion, don't do drugs. Come, run with us through the
forest." The lion looked at the rabbit and then at the needle. He put
down the needle and started to beat up the rabbit.

Horrified, the giraffe and elephant asked, "Lion, why are you doing
this? He was trying to help you." The lion answered, "This little
fucker? He makes me run around the forest like a fucking idiot
every time he's on ecstasy."

[fattygirl]

ok we have these slut wives jokes cuz shah ji started it
lol
man they are funny!!

[ilikecheese]

i read this at some site....

okay so a husband is going on a business trip for a while, and he has a horny wife and he thinks that if he leaves her alone for this long, she will probably cheat, so she goes into a sex shop and asks the clerk if theres anything to help him out.

so the clerk pulls out a dusty bow and pulls out a dildo, and tells the guy "this is a magicdildo, and it will fuck anything on command"

the guys like "magic dildo? whats so magical about this" as he holds the dildo in his hand and examins it

"magic dildo, the keyhole" and the dildo flies out of the mans hand and all fucks the keyhole fast and hard, that the door starts shaking off its joints. the husband is impressed. the clerk shouts out "magic dildo, the box" and the dildo flies back into the box. the husband is impressed by this and buys the present and takes it home. just before he is about to leave, he hands his wife the box and tells her about it.

so the man leaves and the wifes in bed naked looking at the box with the dildo. she didn't really get what her husband meant, but she thought it wouldn't hurt to try, so she said the magic words "magic dildo my pussy!" and the magic dildo flew up and started to fuck her pussy, and it was the best she had. after cumming for the 5th time, she was getting pretty sore. she starts to pull it off but it wont budge. she can't take it anymore and decides to drive to the shop where her husband got it.

she can't really drive well with a dildo fucking her, so shes driving all over the road, and a cop pulls her over and asks whats wrong. shes in her seating moaning now and then trying to tell her story, and after she finished her story the cops like "magic dildo? my ass!" ...

[fattygirl]

ok daz a sick joke n i think u should keep it off of this forum!!
here, is a link to a page, for those of you who can read urdu, it is bout a woman who got beaten up by her husband and all da horrible things that guy'z family did to her
they made her BALD!!
horrible..
http://jang.com.pk/jang/oct2003-weekly/midweek-15-10-2003/page8.htm

n those who are BIG ole fans of salman khan, here is a link to MOST of his sites...jus go here n it will lead u;)
http://www.eforu.com/Celebrity/S/Salman_Khan.html

[ilikecheese]

okay so a guys at the beach, he looks around and its empty so he jumps in the water naked. swimming around, and then he noticed a girl coming his way, he quickly gets out of the water and gets back to his spot, unable to put on his cloths he sits back and covers his privates with a newspaper.

the girl comes over and starts to talk and asks thats under the paper. the says its alittle birdy. and then the girls like "can i see it?" and the guy says no and tells the girl to go away. so the girl goes and the guy falls asleep.

the next thing the guy notices is when he wakes up, he's at the hospital. the cops question him about what happened, and the guy doesn't know and tells them about what happened on the beach earlier. so the cops go find the girl according to the guys decription, and asks her what happened. the girl responds "well i saw the mister, but he was being mean, he wouldn't even let me see the little birdy he had. so when i came back later he was sleeping, i started to play with it, and then the bird threw up on me, so i got mad and broke its neck and set its nest on fire."

(its not funny anymore :( )

[fattygirl]

French teacher was explaining to her College class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
House is feminine "la maison." Pencil is masculine "le crayon." A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups-male and female-and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computer) because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find
yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers
should be masculine (le computer) because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

[ilikecheese]

thats stupid cuz "3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem." a lot of chicks know how to use computers X_X

[ilikecheese]

<some1> I am considering changing all the voice files in Half Life to wavs of women orgasming
<some1else> hehe
<Doc|KillinReds> HAHAHAHA
<some1> I'd never stop using the scientists
<TheMaestro> hahahah
<Doc|KillinReds> Hell the first 15 minute of the game would be crazy
<TheMaestro> ALRIGHT, I GOT THE SHOTGUN! DIE HEADCRAB! OHH, UHH, OHHH OH OH OHHHHHHHHHH
<sone1> "We might stand a better chance if we OHHH! OOHH GOD! OOHH GOD YES!"
<Spankz> It'd be pretty damn hilarous, considering the lip synching software would cause moments when the scientits would just open up like goatse.

[fattygirl]

Horoscopes by Adam Sandler

Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a
great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you do not pay
attention to anyone or anything. Everyone thinks you smoke a lot of
dope.

Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22)
You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are
quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but
piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 23 - April 22)
You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by
the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people
resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a
general dipshit.

Taurus (April 23 - May 22)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and
work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You
are nothing but a goddamned communist.

Gemini (May 23 - June 22)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are
bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means
your are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 23 - July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which
makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you
will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison
is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most
leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your
arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy
masturbation more than sex.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude
is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and
unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus
drivers and pimps.....(hahah! he iz so true bout ma personality..well most of it!)

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with
reality. If you are a male you are probably queer. Chances for
employment and monetary gain are nill. Most Libra women are whores. All
Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be
trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total
lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are
murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to
rely on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians
are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically
chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You
should kill yourself.

[ilikecheese]

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be
trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total
lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are
murdered.

total bulllll crap :(

[fattygirl]

duh! waterboy, aka adam sandler made this up!
so wat da hell u are expecting cheeseman!

[himynamesmo]

Yo mama is so fat when she skips a meal, the stock-market drops.

Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the ocean the ocean jumped out.

[fattygirl]

Yo mama so fat when she get on da weighing machine, it sayz one at a time homey!
lol

[ilikecheese]

Yo mama so fat when she get on da weighing machine, it sayz one at a time homey!
lol thats so old and stupid its not even funny

[fattygirl]

oh well but i still use it...
you got MORE problems wid me cheeseman?
:?

[ilikecheese]

oh well but i still use it...
you got MORE problems wid me cheeseman?
:? and thats why we dont get along :-X

[fattygirl]

and did i say da words do i give a damn
well if i didnt, here i m sayin it ! read and ...read carefuly=)
DO I GIVE A DAMN BOUT US GETTIN ALONG? :shock:

[ilikecheese]

see just knowing u take the time to make the font big shows how much u caree <3

[orchunter]

*warning: long post*

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear
us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse
to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea
what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the offside rule, or motor bikes.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. No, you really do have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that,
it's like camping.

[orchunter]

Btw cheese.. that halflife convo was pimp! Have u seen the Fosters halflife spoof (wazaaaaahhhhh) Its freakin hilarious.

[ilikecheese]

ah thats so true, good shit gooood shit

and heres a little thing that makes typos nice:

<alpha0> dude i shoot smack every day
<alpha0> i am so far from being a drug wuss
<mEta> shooting smakc is for gays
<alpha0> well
<alpha0> considering im now gay
<alpha0> i guess it isnt
<alpha0> not
<alpha0> *
<alpha0> fuck
<alpha0> :(

yupp a simple T instead of a W changes everything

[fattygirl]

here is some dirt ....
A man walked up to a farmer's house, and knocked on the door. When the
farmer's wife opened the door, the man asked if she knew how to have
sex. Not amused, she slammed the door. Again, the man knocked, and
again, he asked the same question. Again, she slammed the door and
screamed, "Get the hell away!"

Later, she told her husband of the incident. He said he would stay home
the following day just in case. Sure enough, the next day the same man
returned. The husband hid with his gun while his wife answered the
door.

When she was asked again if she knew how to have sex she said, "Yes!"

The man replied, "Great! Give some to your husband the next time you
see him, and tell him to keep the hell away from *my* wife!"

[ilikecheese]

haha thats wrongg

[fattygirl]

here is somthin i found dat is a MUST read i guess....The Three Worst Men


There were three men competing to see who was the worst one in the world.


The first one attacked a woman, beat her until her teeth fell out and she bled from her nose and ears. He beat her so savagely that she fainted. He turned to the others and said, "I am the worst one of all."


The second man stepped up to rape her and beat her further until she was almost dead. He turned to the others and said, "No one can be worse than me."


The third one stepped up and said, "No, I am the worst one even though I just stood by and watched. This woman is my sister."





The woman is Iraq.

The first man is Saddam.

The second is the West.

The third is the Muslim World that stood by and did absolutely nothing!

[orchunter]

Thats a pretty messed up joke (if u can call it that) and it advertises the whole anti-american view. I cant believe it makes the US look even worse than Saddam. This isnt the thread to post that sort of stuff. Maybe you should start a thread in "serious discussions" if you want to flame national policy.

[ilikecheese]

Thats a pretty messed up joke (if u can call it that) and it advertises the whole anti-american view. I cant believe it makes the US look even worse than Saddam. This isnt the thread to post that sort of stuff. Maybe you should start a thread in "serious discussions" if you want to flame national policy. that was funny
learn to take a joke

[fattygirl]

this is da place to submit CRAZY stuff dat anyone finds!
i found this joke pretty crazy but not too serious...
so plz read da forum title befoe u say somethin

[fattygirl]

here is a lil somthin somthin
DzaT111 (11:29:43 PM): a chipkulee jus crept up on my monitor!!!!!! :-)
DzaT111 (11:29:43 PM): :-(**************
DzaT111 (11:29:43 PM): :-(:-(:-(:-(:-(
vIrGoFoReVa (11:30:08 PM): are u serious!!!
vIrGoFoReVa (11:30:28 PM): omgiod! what color!
vIrGoFoReVa (11:30:29 PM): lol
vIrGoFoReVa (11:30:59 PM): can u not type? is it still there?
vIrGoFoReVa (11:31:01 PM): hahahah
DzaT111 (11:31:22 PM): LOL
DzaT111 (11:31:22 PM): yeaah
DzaT111 (11:31:23 PM): its creeping
DzaT111 (11:31:42 PM): around
DzaT111 (11:31:42 PM): shit man
vIrGoFoReVa (11:32:02 PM): is dat lizard gone?
vIrGoFoReVa (11:32:06 PM): haha
DzaT111 (11:32:31 PM): nooo
DzaT111 (11:32:31 PM): i see it
DzaT111 (11:32:31 PM): its like
DzaT111 (11:32:34 PM): moving
DzaT111 (11:32:36 PM): on the wall now
vIrGoFoReVa (11:32:56 PM): awww...go give it a kiss...

[fattygirl]

CONVERSATION ONE WID ONE AND ONLY AZEEM!
SOMONE was VERY desperate to chat !!!

anam = me
vital signs = azeem!;)

anam says:
no one is online though...jus u and 2 other people
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
hmmm...who else!
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
tell me!!!
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
lol
anam says:
this GIRL
anam says:
lol
anam says:
is she cute
anam says:
yep...
anam says:
met her at a desi party
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
lemme talk to her
anam says:
she is on AIM though
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
i got that too
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
ill tell her i know u
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
lol'
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
hey who is that in ur display pic
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
is that the murderer
(ok i dun want him talkin STUFF about salu so lets not go there=)
...moving on...
anam says:
hold up..lemme ask da chick if she wanna talk to you
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
cool
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
yay
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
haha
anam says:
she isnt replying
anam says:
haha
anam says:
wait now
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
hmmm....
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
damn!
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
.... Later on....
anam says:
now..now..
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
so then
anam says:
dude she is askin your age...
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
19...DUDE!
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
lol
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
tell her i am a gentelman
...then....
anam says:
wat did u ask her?
anam says:
damn
!VITAL SIGNS! says:
if she is dirty

hahaha
daz enough embarrasment for today;)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CONVERSATION 2 WID CHEESEMAN'S FAN!
da person: i got ur sn off ratedesi
da person: wats the cheeseman's sn
vIrGoFoReVa: haha
vIrGoFoReVa: why do u wanna kno?
da person: cause he goes to my skool!
da person: a little
da person: i just started with the forums
da person: got loads of catchin up to do
vIrGoFoReVa: aww
vIrGoFoReVa: well i cant jus give his id to you ...
da person: hm
da person: its just an ID O:-)
vIrGoFoReVa: no i m fighting wid him so i m not gonna give u his id...=)
da person: ooo ..ok

[ilikecheese]

ur fighting with me? ur on block O_o hahah but yea funny convo with azeem poor guy seems really bored

[Azeem]

No i wasn't bored i really had a good convo with her....now if she would have showed you the whole thing then it would really have revealed stuff :wink: .......j/k Well anyways hope to talk to u soon FATTY! and you all are right she is EVIL!

[ilikecheese]

No i wasn't bored i really had a good convo with her....now if she would have showed you the whole thing then it would really have revealed stuff :wink: .......j/k Well anyways hope to talk to u soon FATTY! and you all are right she is EVIL! I TOLD U! no 1 believes me! god bloody hell!

[Azeem]

Yea man she did really ruin a nice convo we had! Oh well what can u do!

[fattygirl]

kno wat i hate!
now i had another conv. wid azeem after this DISASTER
lol
and all he would say to me was ahan..ok...yea...lol..
damn!
i was like why arent u normal and he said oh cuz u mite jus paste wateva i say to da forum....
no one trusts me no more!
haha
liquiddreamz read it too and now he iz acting da same way as azeem...or otherwise he would tell me his dark dark secrets...nawwwwwwww j/k
even i get it, i been too evil..but it's funny u kno!

[Azeem]

ill still talk to u just have to watch what i say!

[fattygirl]

a joke i read on an american site....looks like stolen from some indian site, they have them in categories..lol


Late Halloween Joke
[Thanks, Tuck]

A guy is having a big Halloween party and invites lots of people, telling them to bring their friends. On the invitation he puts "Halloween Party - Please come as a human emotion."

On the night of the party the first guest arrives and he opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He says to this guy "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" and the guy says, "I'm green with envy." The host replies, "Brilliant, come on in and have a drink."

A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa wrapped round her most intimate parts. He says to this woman, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" And she replies, "I'm tickled pink." The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party."

A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time and the host opens the door to see two Pakistani guys, stark naked, one with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard and the other with his penis stuck in a pear.

The host is really shocked and says "Christ, guys, what the hell do you think you look like? You could get arrested for standing like that out here in the street. What emotion is this supposed to be?"

The first guy replies, "Well, I'm fucking disgusted and my friend has come in despair."
[ Now I know why they say booooo on Halloween!]

---------------
yea ...wateva

[ilikecheese]

hhahhaha
[ Now I know why they say booooo on Halloween!] was the only funny part X_X

[fattygirl]

xactly..retarted joke....

[ilikecheese]

Words women use and what they mean

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. ''Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine'

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing"and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a nonverbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow.

GO AHEAD.
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

[fattygirl]

i got better stuff cheese :twisted:
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD???
=======================================
*
George Bush's Answer:
---------------------
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want
to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The
chicken is either with or against us. There is no middle ground
here.
*
Al Gore's Answer:
-----------------
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore the chicken
crossing the road represented the application of these two
different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed
to bring greater services to the American people.
*
Bill Gate's Answer:
-------------------
I have just released the eChicken 2003, which will not only cross
roads, but will eggs, file your important documents, and balance
your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of
eChicken 2003.
*
Ernest Hemingway’s Answer:
--------------------------
To die; in the rain; Alone.
*
Martin Luther's Answer:
-----------------------
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross rods
without having their motives called into question.
*
Aristotle's Answer:
-------------------
It is the nature of the chickens to cross road.
*
Pat Buchanan's Answer:
----------------------
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
*
Captain Kirk's Answer:
----------------------
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
*
Bill Clinton's Answer:
----------------------
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by
chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
*
Albert Einstein’s Answer:
-------------------------
Did the chicken crossed the road or did the road moved beneath the
chicken???
*
Grandpa's Answer:
-----------------
In our times, we didn't ask why chicken crossed the road. Someone
told us that the chicken crossed the road, and was good enough for
us.
*
Pakistani Prime minister's Answer:
----------------------------------
Yeh chicken ka road cross karna eak kush ian ed qadam hay aur is
say pata chalta hay keh mulk traqi ke rah per gamzan hay. Hum
mustuqbil main be assay iqtadamat ke khair maqdam karain gay.
*
Indian Prime minister's Answer:
-------------------------------
Yeah Pakistan ke taraf say amman kay khalaf ik sungeean qadam hay
aur iss say Pakistan ki border par dushmani saaf zahhir hay.
*




See the advantages or disadvantages of technological evelopments. The multipurpose credit card is the latest version of our perpetually metamorphosing IC. With an embedded smart chip, it can also store our medical history, driver's license, act as an ATM card, serve as an
electronic purse and even be used at the National Library.

A likely scenario when ordering pizzas in the near future...

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Hello, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold on...... 6102049998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 40942366, your office 7645 2302 and your mobile is 014 266 2566. Right now you are calling from your home Sir?" Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?" Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"

Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How
long is it gonna take anyway?" Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system , you own a Scooter, ...registration number E1123..."

Customer: " *'!^ *%^**%^I7*"

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were onvicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"

Customer: [Speechless]

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic......"








*
*
*

[ilikecheese]

well the first 1s stupid with the chickens
and the 2nd 1.. probably a ha..

[fattygirl]

http://www.janubaba.com/wallpapers/images/wp15267.jpg

[fattygirl]

http://www.janubaba.com/wallpapers/images/wp15163.jpg

[fattygirl]

http://www.janubaba.com/wallpapers/images/wp15190.jpg

[liquiddreamz]

Question :

What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer :

Princess Diana's death.

Question :

How come?

Answer :



An English princess with an Arab boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines! And this is sent to you by a Mauritian , using an americain's (Bill Gates)
technology, and you're probably reading this on one of the IBM clones, that use
Taiwanese-made chips, and a Korean-made monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, trucked by Mexican illegals, and finally sold to you by Jews.
That, my friend, is Globalization!

[ilikecheese]

wrong sucker!! actually using a IBM!

[fattygirl]

he is hot...
http://www.janubaba.com/wallpapers/images/wp15223.jpg

ok..da hair SO dun go on her !
http://www.janubaba.com/wallpapers/images/wp15311.jpg

[ilikecheese]

my god her arms look boney X_X

[fattygirl]

eww..it duz! i barely noticeddd
i think someone did some editiing to this pic ...it has to be dun! dat hand looks abnormal

[fattygirl]

>>Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together
>>discussing how important their children are.
>>
>>The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest.
>>When he walks into a room, everyone calls him
>>'Father'."
>>
>>The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a
>>bishop.
>>Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your
>>Grace."
>>
>>The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to
>>put you down, but my son is a cardinal.
>>Whenever he walks into a room people say 'Your
>>Eminence'."
>>
>>The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
>>The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"
>>
>>She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hard
>>bodied, well-hung, male stripper.
>>Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "My God...."


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.


A lady went to a restaurant and ordered a bowl of soup.
Lady : Waiter, what is this soup called?
Waiter : It is called special chicken soup.
Lady : But I see no chicken in it!
Waiter : That's why it's so special!

and here is a retarted one
Question : Why did you throw the butter out of the window ?
Answer : I wanted to see a butterfly

[piya]

Can anyone tell me how this works....

http://www.indianchild.com/card_trick1.htm

[ilikecheese]

Can anyone tell me how this works....

http://www.indianchild.com/card_trick1.htm yea i told u how that works. they dont show any of the original cards that they showed at first. they are completly different

these r the first 6 cards
http://www.indianchild.com/images/cardst1.gif

and now the next amount of cards
http://www.indianchild.com/images/cardst2.gif

[ilikecheese]

^ the flash version of that looked a lot better..

anything i was looking for some pictures to for my sig cuz a lot of people r confising them for "pumpkins" :cough: and i found this..

http://www.rich.durge.org/pics1/cheesy.html

[PreciousPari]

~Joke~

Apple Katta hoon Knife se , Pani peeta hoon pipe se ,Kya zamana agayaa hai, jhoot bolta hoon wife se! lolz :lol:

[PreciousPari]

Zakhamon ko hawa dogaye, meri yaad aayegi, kisey ko bhi daga dogaye, meri yad aayegi khenchogaye rait pe meri tasvir barbar, phir usko mita dogaye meri yaad aayegi, dariya ke behtey paani mein parchaen dekh kar zulfon ko sanwarogaye meri yaad aayegi, bechain hokay yaadoon say meri kabhi kabhi chahogaye naa bholo gaye, meri Yaad aayegi :cry:

[fattygirl]

awwwwwwwwwww i dun like sad stuff!
make me laugh!
but yea it waz good;)

[PreciousPari]

lolz fatso! ;p hmmm i wrote the joke b4 the nazm! wasnt it funny? ;p eik seedha saadha sa joke! hehe

[ilikecheese]

~Joke~

Apple Katta hoon Knife se , Pani peeta hoon pipe se ,Kya zamana agayaa hai, jhoot bolta hoon wife se! lolz :lol: english!!

[fattygirl]

^we dun really care if u get da joke or not cheeseman!
lol
and if we transfer our desi jokes in english, dat would be so gay! :twisted:

[ilikecheese]

^we dun really care if u get da joke or not cheeseman!
lol
and if we transfer our desi jokes in english, dat would be so gay! :twisted: agian.. wasn't talking to u

[aspaan]

pigeon kabootar ... udan fly
look dekho ..... asmaan sky

say this in punjabi accent and it makes sense

[piya]

wah wah :D

[Dutty Dutty LuV]

Sup sup.... oi piya ... guy ma parents lived up in brisbane for a year, two years bak... just thought i'd mention that yeh :?

k so this is for jokes rite....

dunno if u lot have heard this or not but aight...

so one day this woman took her daughter to the park rite
thers this couple shagging on the bench
lil gurl goes
"mommy mommy, wut they doin?"
so mommy panics yeh n goes "oh oh uhmm dahling they bakn cakes"
rite so mommy freaks n takes her gurl home
ok so next morning yeh
lil gurl goes....
"mommy mommy were u n daddy bakn cakes on the sofa last nite?"
mommy absolutely speachless found words to say "omg sweety why u askn??"
lil gurl goes " cuz mommy this morning i licked the icing" :shock: :shock: :shock:


lol.... if i've offended n e one... im sooooooo sorry but that shits funny, sick but funny

-----------------------------------------------------------
NUMBER 2

Aight this is personal shame man...
u guys know how desi parents (mine particularly) say Pants and Shirt
in their lingo its PENT SHART ok
keep that in mind

so this guy calls me and we talk
he goes,
"so wut u wearn to school tomorrow baby"
and i'm fukn in lala land rite
so i fuckn go
"oh yeh babe, nuffn special just PENT SHART"
rofl
then two seconds later im like WTF did i just say that...
PURE JOKES

later

[ilikecheese]

the second 1 isn't so funny.. haha lala land

<-- in there

[PreciousPari]

mah fav quote! :)

Dost Tu Meri Zindagi Mey Ek Anmol Moti Ki Tarah Hai
Jisey Paa Kar Main Khona Nahin Chahti :)

[fattygirl]

when cheese calls me a bitch, he really means it i kno, according to this, i m happy to be a bitch
lov ya cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese

BITCHOLOGY

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.

When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way,
they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I
live
my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined
as a bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being
everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I
truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I
"should" be.

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined.

I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!

So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every
ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed.

And if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud
to bear it.

B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything

[PreciousPari]

:lol:

[fattygirl]

pari! jahil , apni dosri tasveer lagaooooooooooo
u look like a freakin real pari in dat one!
nahi lagai tou mein bouray comments baijhoon gi :twisted: :twisted:
lov ya

[PreciousPari]

awwwwwww abey jahil ki bachi! ;p hmmm actually a few ppl requested that I put back up mah 'pari' pic :? okies ill do that b4 i go to sleep! :)

[Pardesi_bhai]

~Joke~

Apple Katta hoon Knife se , Pani peeta hoon pipe se ,Kya zamana agayaa hai, jhoot bolta hoon wife se! lolz :lol:
ha ha ha, lagta hain kisi nay (husband), nay kuch ghoot bola hai

[PreciousPari]

:shock: taubaaaaaaa kabhi nahi oye! hmph! woh tau sirf ek joke tha! btw yeh 'ghoot' kya hota hai? ;p :lol: :P

[Pardesi_bhai]

i mean jhoot as in a lie

[PreciousPari]

buddhu! yeh tau bhi mujhay maloom hai! uffffff i was being sarcastic! :roll: cuz u said ghoot instead of jhoot! pagaal i know it was a typo u made but i juss wanted to say sumthin to u! ;p :P :roll:

[Pardesi_bhai]

yeh tum bolti kaisi ho, like a lil child or somethind, for ex buddhu he he, i just think its funny

[ilikecheese]

when cheese calls me a bitch, he really means it i kno, according to this, i m happy to be a bitch
lov ya cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese
awww i luv u too bitchhhhh

[fattygirl]

hey! dun kill my thread! pari ji and other person ji, app loug kahin aaur ja kar apni chat shaat karain! idhar kari i will tell gunz!
here is ma lil joke addition
i m thinkin of adding da NASTIEST jokes but u guyz might judge me by dem=(
oh welllllllll

mustve heard this
A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she
yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kinds could only
count to four, but I counted to 10. See... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,
10!"

"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy."
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy,"
she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids
could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? "A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy,"
she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered all the
other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank
top to reveal a pair of size 36 Cs.

"Very Good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"No, it's because you're 25."

[PreciousPari]

sowieeee fatso sis! :cry: aagaye nahi hoga lekhen ek baat kehdoon pardesi se? ;p
oyeee pardesi bachi tau hoon hi! ;p ab main kaha se javaan hoon ;p :P mujhay badi nahi hona! hmph! :x

[Azeem]

Chaahat ki hain manzlian,
Aao bun jao meri manzil,
Chaahoon ga thumhey dil aur jaan say,
Bana loon ga apni manzil!!!

[dawgz]

ok first a funni day with mah homie viral (rate desi : Cookie)
IIght so we on top this rooftop and i have a rocketlauncher..
Vik: Yo Viral if i shoot this in the sky u think itll come down eventually?
Viral: Nah yo i dont think so, but try it
Vik:Iite, *BAMM* shit flies into the sky
(a min later)
Vik: (points to the sky) Yo Holy shit yo its a ufo wat is that...
Viral: i dono omg its bright as fck
Vik: yo i think its....the....r..o..c..k..e..t...
Vik & Viral: FUCK RUN RUN RUN RUN

hahha i forgot the physics theory...fck haha

iight heres a nice hindi line for all ya'll

itni haseein raat thi
ke sab chein se so rahe the
bus ek hum badnaseev the
jo unki yaad mein ro rahe thehum dil ke maare hai

Va va va.....thats deep

[ilikecheese]

<No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<Amish> why the clown
<No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<Amish> lmao

[fattygirl]

haha...cheeze's buddy is funny

aite here is some stuff that u mite NOT like afterall but wat da heck!


SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
One US leader.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
Because Janet Reno is her real father.

What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room
together?
100 people who don't do dick.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the
biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?* Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the
Sex Ed class uses it.

What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?*
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*.

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?*
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale*
begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

My, my, how times have changed. Not long ago....when 100 white men
chased one black man, we called it the Ku Klux Klan; today they call it
the PGA TOUR.

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

[ilikecheese]

fatty has the best jokes

[fattygirl]

hellz ya;).....

[fattygirl]

"My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden."

"I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards."

[fattygirl]

*Coca-Cola was originally green.

*The most common name in the world is Mohammed [PBUH].

*The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

*The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

*TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row ! of the keyboard.

*Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!

*You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

*It is impossible to lick your elbow.

*People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

*It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

*The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the

toughest tongue twister in the English language.

*If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

*Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history.

Spades - King David

Clubs - Alexander the Great,

Hearts - Charlemagne

Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

*If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.

*If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle

*If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

*What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?

Ans. - All invented by women.
*A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

*A snail can sleep for three years.

*All polar bears are left handed.

*American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

*Butterflies taste with their feet.

*Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

*In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

*On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

*Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

*Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

*The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

*The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

*The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

*Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

*Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

*The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

*Most lipstick contains fish scales.

*Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different

******And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!!!!

[gujuboy]

dammit i'm one of those 99% =/

it's impossible to fold a piece of paper in half 7 times.

[ilikecheese]

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/peanutbutter.shtml
this kept me entertained for a while

[ilikecheese]

WOMAN WANTED

A tall, well-built woman with good
sense of humor, who can cook frog
legs and who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.

But please only read lines 1,3 and 5.

[fattygirl]

hahaaahhahahah

[ilikecheese]

hahaaahhahahah <3

[pakiprincess04]

here is a quote.. i think it's been overused but it's cute still...


Chand se piyari Chandni
Chandni se piyari raat
raat se piyari zindagi
zindagi se piyari aap

a lot of guys would use that to pick up girls.. too bad it didn't work LOL

[iceiceBABY]

i got some desi jokes..

what did one pizza say to the other?










pizza HUT

[ChikNi]

ah the good ole days when i used to be fattygirl. that was my first thread that i made ever=) aww