Honestly, What IS The Value Of Marriage...?

[FlyDesiGrl]

I had a conversation with a good friend today...so it inspired this thread...

You know, it's like when you're dating a person things seem easier, and life is easier. If you have a fight with your bf/gf, whether it be something serious or minor...it'll eventually blow over. But you can do without talking to each other for a few days, or a week maybe. But when you're married and going through things as such, it seems like all principals and values just sometimes get tossed out of the window. Conflicting views, etc. What the man of the house might think makes the woman happy, it actually doesn't. And what the woman does to please her man, can be sometimes overlooked. Obviously there is a lot more to what i'm saying here...but these are just some examples.

Questions to ponder:

If you found out during your marriage that your spouse was previously married...would that be grounds for seperation/divorce?

How would you feel if your spouse had a very good friend of the opposite sex, and they talked on the phone reguarly, or met out for lunch and such?

Do you think a couple should be very open about stuff when they're married, including their past?

Ladies: If your husband was out late nights with his "friends", would you suspect him, especially if these outings were occuring so frequently?

Guys: Women want a lot of love and affection, they want to be held, cuddled, watch a movie on the couch, etc etc...can you provide that when she asks for it? Do you think there is a limit for affection?

Could you live with someone your whole life, have children and not get married to them?


Do you think marriage is losing its meaning? Do you want to get married? What is YOUR reason for wanting to get married?

DISCUSS...

(yes i know that's a lot of questions, but i'm interested in what y'all think...)

[.AK.]

i might sound like a broken record
but just like everything else, marriage too has become comercilized
it has gone from something being spritiual to something finiancial and just another status

[.AK.]

twelve dollars and change.
u forgot to add taxes

[0101]

When I'm with my love
I find complete love
Without her sweet love
What would life be? :(

We must ask ourselves :think:

[shadyzgal08]

i lost all faith in marriage thanks to my dad

he's a great example :neutral:

[khanvict]

i lost all faith in marriage thanks to my dad

he's a great example :neutral:

...now you know what not to do in a marriage at least.
so work on setting a new example.
:bhapi:

[.paradoxX.x.]

I had a conversation with a good friend today...so it inspired this thread...

You know, it's like when you're dating a person things seem easier, and life is easier. If you have a fight with your bf/gf, whether it be something serious or minor...it'll eventually blow over. But you can do without talking to each other for a few days, or a week maybe. But when you're married and going through things as such, it seems like all principals and values just sometimes get tossed out of the window. Conflicting views, etc. What the man of the house might think makes the woman happy, it actually doesn't. And what the woman does to please her man, can be sometimes overlooked. Obviously there is a lot more to what i'm saying here...but these are just some examples.

i disagree. personally when i fight with my bf i find it very hard to just "do without talking" for a few days/week. While i feel the need to talk it out, a lot of the time my bf won't and i think marriage MAKES you work it out right then and there - you're in eachother's faces 24/7 and it means u have to confront whatever issues come up. being in a relationship without marriage just makes it easier for people (guys especially) to run away from problems.

that said i don't think marriage is something you jump into a day after meeting someone. marriage is a promise of commitment, which is why i think it's relevant to today's increasingly impersonal world. marriage is one tradition which makes us actually face up to responsibility and reality.

[shadyzgal08]

...now you know what not to do in a marriage at least.
so work on setting a new example.
:bhapi:
hmm never thought of it like that :think:
but that means i dont know what to do in a marriage as well. meh.

[FlyDesiGrl]

i disagree. personally when i fight with my bf i find it very hard to just "do without talking" for a few days/week. While i feel the need to talk it out, a lot of the time my bf won't and i think marriage MAKES you work it out right then and there - you're in eachother's faces 24/7 and it means u have to confront whatever issues come up. being in a relationship without marriage just makes it easier for people (guys especially) to run away from problems.

that said i don't think marriage is something you jump into a day after meeting someone. marriage is a promise of commitment, which is why i think it's relevant to today's increasingly impersonal world. marriage is one tradition which makes us actually face up to responsibility and reality.
Great points. Your first paragraph makes a lot of sense. You're right. But being in each others faces can make it worse no?

[khanvict]

hmm never thought of it like that :think:
but that means i dont know what to do in a marriage as well. meh.

don't worry, just marry me. i'll take care of it. :dance3:


...or if you opt not to... :rolleyes: then just use your instincts...you're a good gal...you'll figure it out. :D

[TheLoneAvenger]

If you found out during your marriage that your spouse was previously married...would that be grounds for seperation/divorce?
Wouldn't this be something to square away before one gets married? Seems like some pretty basic background information.


Do you think marriage is losing its meaning?


I guess marriage has lost some of its' meaning. I know the divorce statistics are a bit screwy but cohabitation is fairly prevalent. No fault divorces haven't helped the situation any so generally there's less of a bond in marriage. But on an individual level, I'm pretty sure people are most affected by how their parent's marriages were in shaping their own opinions on marriage.

For example, my parents have a great marriage and celebrated their 28th? anniversary recently. I generally have a positive outlook on marriage because of this as do my siblings. If I can have a marriage as half as good as theirs I'd consider it a success.

My friends who have had less stable family lives are a but more hesitant on the whole marriage thing since they've seen it crash and burn firsthand. When dads beating on mom or moms screwing the mailman, the meaning of marriage is devalued pretty greatly to the next generation.


Do you want to get married? What is YOUR reason for wanting to get married?

Yes. It's the only religiously approved way for a male/female to have a relationship with physical and emotional intimacy. Doesn't seem like the most romantic reason now that I think about it.

[shadyzgal08]

don't worry, just marry me. i'll take care of it. :dance3:


...or if you opt not to... :rolleyes: then just use your instincts...you're a good gal...you'll figure it out. :D
hell yes lets get married :yes:

both of my parents are the type of people who should have never gotten married. watch it be a genetic condition :neutral:

my instincts are broken

[reaz]

too many questions for a single forum post. i could discuss this for hours on end but not here.

[Echelon]

too many questions for a single forum post. i could discuss this for hours on end but not here.The bitch is directionless, fuck!
She asks more questions than a toddler.

[krazii aqqie]

Erm. Previously married? I would be mad on the grounds that he wasn't honest with me. Now Kids? That's a different story. And if he still keeps in touch with his ex-wife. Both are big no-no's.

If I felt like he shared more with his good friend than me, I would be mad. And these are both true for relationships, too.

Yes, a couple SHOULD be honest, even if they're just dating.

I think that there should be a few nights were the husband & wife get to go out with their friends and have 'guys night out' & 'girls night out' or whatever the hell. Though, I would be mad if he were to be like 'oh I can have these guys nights out but you can't go out with your girls. Very mad. And it all depends on the way things are between us. If we're both honest about what goes on during those 'nights out' then I don't think there should be a problem.

I don't think I could be like that. I'm someone who likes to label relationships & whatnot. If we're just bf & gf, I don't think it could work out. Still not the same as being husband & wife. I expect a ring around my finger when I have that kid. Simple as that. Or then we just shouldn't be together.

Indian marriages always didn't have it's meaning. I mean the whole old fashioned arranged marriages didn't. Nowadays, they're more re-gaining their value, if you ask me. A girl & a guy both have to feel the attraction. However, here in the US? I guess they are. So many people get married just to be married. That's not right. Yes, I do want to be married. And my reasons? My ideal would be I'd find some guy possibly in college / work where I would decide that i love him & he loves me. Though sadly, I would at one point in my life (most likely when I'm around 25) approach my parents & be like, "I found no one. I want to be married. Find me a guy." So my reason? Family, security... etc etc.

[Echelon]

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCKxro6s7e8)jfhjf

[reaz]

The bitch is directionless, fuck!
She asks more questions than a toddler.


lol. apt analogy.

[.paradoxX.x.]

Indian marriages always didn't have it's meaning. I mean the whole old fashioned arranged marriages didn't. Nowadays, they're more re-gaining their value, if you ask me. A girl & a guy both have to feel the attraction. However, here in the US? I guess they are. So many people get married just to be married. That's not right. Yes, I do want to be married. And my reasons? My ideal would be I'd find some guy possibly in college / work where I would decide that i love him & he loves me. Though sadly, I would at one point in my life (most likely when I'm around 25) approach my parents & be like, "I found no one. I want to be married. Find me a guy." So my reason? Family, security... etc etc.

good point. the value of marriage lies in its individual meaning (ie arranged agreement v.s. bond/commitment/love) rather than the institution itself.

[ak47kf7]

I had a conversation with a good friend today...so it inspired this thread...

You know, it's like when you're dating a person things seem easier, and life is easier. If you have a fight with your bf/gf, whether it be something serious or minor...it'll eventually blow over. But you can do without talking to each other for a few days, or a week maybe. But when you're married and going through things as such, it seems like all principals and values just sometimes get tossed out of the window. Conflicting views, etc. What the man of the house might think makes the woman happy, it actually doesn't. And what the woman does to please her man, can be sometimes overlooked. Obviously there is a lot more to what i'm saying here...but these are just some examples.

Questions to ponder:

If you found out during your marriage that your spouse was previously married...would that be grounds for seperation/divorce?

How would you feel if your spouse had a very good friend of the opposite sex, and they talked on the phone reguarly, or met out for lunch and such?

Do you think a couple should be very open about stuff when they're married, including their past?

Ladies: If your husband was out late nights with his "friends", would you suspect him, especially if these outings were occuring so frequently?

Guys: Women want a lot of love and affection, they want to be held, cuddled, watch a movie on the couch, etc etc...can you provide that when she asks for it? Do you think there is a limit for affection?

Could you live with someone your whole life, have children and not get married to them?


Do you think marriage is losing its meaning? Do you want to get married? What is YOUR reason for wanting to get married?

DISCUSS...

(yes i know that's a lot of questions, but i'm interested in what y'all think...)

After motherly love, marriage is the greatest bond a human can divulge themselves in. New responsibilities and a duty to help start a life and guide it to the true path (whatever that is you believe). Marriage itself, is not about happiness solely(by happiness i mean, cuddling,kissing going out, b/w a mand and a woman). It brings two household together, two families together, two views together, two destinies together. In my perspective, marriage is party of life, part of faith.
taking part in sexual relationship with a woman is a sin (as matter of fact even nonsexual, yet intimate relationship with someone whom you are not married to is a sin (i don't who disagrees with me, i know all religion started off with this notion). Therefore, for me, having a gf/bf is WRONG without any question. No room of wonderment because for me, it's simply not allowed. Marriage allows us to cope with problems without completely ending relationships. Divorce in my religion is allowed, but not promoted (meaning it's not a very applauding concept). Only in dire circumstances, it is allowed, which can take birth for anyone of us.

Now for your first question: If someone was married previously, then do you mind it? Well I would like my wife to tell me about such things, and i do the same. It's only moral norms that we must abide by. If one fails to this, we must also realize, that past is gone. Everyone is entitled to live a happy, joyful life, and if in the past, their didn't work out, then maybe you are given that honor to make them happy. So what, if they were married in the past, try to over look that. (now this concept is ideally, and i must grow my heart and wisdom to live up to it. i think i can, but i do not know yet).

If my wife had a very good friend of the opposite sex, would i mind that: Yes i will mind that very much. She needs not a very close friend if im there for her. A meaning of a husband/wife is that for the other, they mean the world to them. They become the person who will be by their side always, so why need someone else. and i shall clearly express that to my wife. If she still doesn't to me, then that will definitely create problems in the marriage. (not saying divorce is the outcome, but truly a possibility). This is not hypocritical to what i have said, because i would give unconditional faith to them as well.

Should couples be open about everything including the past: The answer i would like is yes. Tell everything. Have so much faith in your spouse to tell them absolutely everything. But one must talk about this before they actually start unraveling their past, in order to determine if such a feat would create barriers for future.

If a husband is out late at night frequently: To me that is not acceptable. A husband has a duty to fulfill to his wife. Friends become second priority, and one must prioritize their life accordingly. Such behaviors are not acceptable without any question.

If a wife wants affection and care: Well like i said earlier, marriage is not just about loving in that manner. Love can be expressed by infinite terms, and if the wife is being unreasonable, then she must be taught (with words offcourse) Everything must be done in moderation, love in moderation, sex in moderation, work in moderation, fun in moderation. Only after such an equilibrium, one can equate it to absolute happiness and joy in their lives. Any of those elements done in excess, can have reprisals leading up.

thank you very much for your time, if you read this.
Salam

[pnp366]

too many questions for a single forum post. i could discuss this for hours on end but not here.


my thoughts, i cant type so much \

:mad:

[nayeemx33]

Awww. Look at the pretty colors.

[olive]

i do believe in marriage and its promises..... but stuff like marriages are made in heaven n love is all u need, are all crap.

it takes 2 individuals who besides just being in love with one other, have it in them to make it work.

what i do believe is essential is a live in realationship for at least 6 months before you marry. things a lot different when you have to wake up with your partner everyday.... you learn more about them this way than you ever will in 6 years of dating...

[TheLoneAvenger]

i do believe in marriage and its promises..... but stuff like marriages are made in heaven n love is all u need, are all crap.

it takes 2 individuals who besides just being in love with one other, have it in them to make it work.

what i do believe is essential is a live in realationship for at least 6 months before you marry. things a lot different when you have to wake up with your partner everyday.... you learn more about them this way than you ever will in 6 years of dating...

You mean cohabitation?

[fireangel2007]

Erm. Previously married? I would be mad on the grounds that he wasn't honest with me. Now Kids? That's a different story. And if he still keeps in touch with his ex-wife. Both are big no-no's.

If I felt like he shared more with his good friend than me, I would be mad. And these are both true for relationships, too.

Yes, a couple SHOULD be honest, even if they're just dating.

I think that there should be a few nights were the husband & wife get to go out with their friends and have 'guys night out' & 'girls night out' or whatever the hell. Though, I would be mad if he were to be like 'oh I can have these guys nights out but you can't go out with your girls. Very mad. And it all depends on the way things are between us. If we're both honest about what goes on during those 'nights out' then I don't think there should be a problem.

I don't think I could be like that. I'm someone who likes to label relationships & whatnot. If we're just bf & gf, I don't think it could work out. Still not the same as being husband & wife. I expect a ring around my finger when I have that kid. Simple as that. Or then we just shouldn't be together.

Indian marriages always didn't have it's meaning. I mean the whole old fashioned arranged marriages didn't. Nowadays, they're more re-gaining their value, if you ask me. A girl & a guy both have to feel the attraction. However, here in the US? I guess they are. So many people get married just to be married. That's not right. Yes, I do want to be married. And my reasons? My ideal would be I'd find some guy possibly in college / work where I would decide that i love him & he loves me. Though sadly, I would at one point in my life (most likely when I'm around 25) approach my parents & be like, "I found no one. I want to be married. Find me a guy." So my reason? Family, security... etc etc.

we think alike!! :D

no but seriuosly marriage to me is nothing but a status...if you love each other...fine...honestly thats ideal....i don't believe in love anymore and i don't like alot of things in a relationship i.e. excessive hugging and all that....if it was up to me...i wouldn't get married...its not me...it never will be....personally and maybe there are people out there like me...that my whole life i have put up a wall around me...i don't let anyone too close to me that they can hurt me...hell not even my friends...only my family...thats it...i have serious commitment issues.........as a girl if i told my mom this...id get bitchslapped but its true....im frikin 21 years old and i have never been in a serious relationship with anyone ever.......im over it....i think marriage is a wonderful thing for people who love each other before or after....but heres my view:

you do your thing professionally and financially...its important to be independent before getting married especially at this time in society....you find someone or your parents find you someone and they are also financially/professionally sound....you get married and let each other do their own thing...you love each other....awesome! you're lucky.....if not...oh well...kids should NOT be conceived out of just sheer accident...thats just WRONG....they should be conceived out of love....so if you have a kid or kids...you raise them you care for them.....thats what makes a family complete.....

im totally blabbering....but ya know...its about compromise....you can say its not but its true.....think about it.....

[olive]

You mean cohabitation?

yup. moving in and living together.

i understand its frowned upon in our culture but hey for me marriage is for a lifetime.

[dopekhor]

are you like trying to be the desi oprah winfree?

[olive]

are you like trying to be the desi oprah winfree?

nope just a desi nightmare

:spank:

[jattniz_chuttni]

Some people like to look at the money aspect of things and I don't blame them. With today's society you can't grow a farm in your back yard and expect to live off of that, so you need stability. So yeah. That can be one of the reasons for a hubby/wifey in your life.

And in a lot of other people's scenarios, like most of us desis, getting married is supposed to be a milestone, the major and most important point in your life that defines who you are and who you're going to be. So a lot of people are stuck in arranged marriages or eventually get in a rut to become settled down and satisfy those around themselves. Also, so they're not the black sheep of the family.

But at the opposite end of the stick is the group of people that have dreamt of a wedding since the ripe old age of childhood and expect to settle down and live an intended happy family life, which isn't always the case.

So yeah... it depends on just who are as an individual and what you're willing and able to give. Not just what you intend to do, because most intentions aren't fully carried through nor come off the way you intend them to others.

So in a way, yes, you can say the value of marriage has lessened, but that doesn't mean that the passion and trust between many doesn't exist.

*rant

[muslimbeauty06]

marriage is nothing these days..Divorce in every corner..sometimes i feel like why do ppl get married.Feels like a waste of time. :-x

[ak47kf7]

oops wrong post

[sara khan]

A lot of Q's, so I'll just answer like you asked them.

If you found out during your marriage that your spouse was previously married...would that be grounds for separation/divorce?
That would be a big blow to my trust in him, hiding something like that isn't right. The past is past, but making everything clear before you enter your future is important. I wouldn't separate/divorce because of that, id try to forgive and move on. After i make it perfectly clear that i don't like being lied to.

How would you feel if your spouse had a very good friend of the opposite sex, and they talked on the phone regularly, or met out for lunch and such?
I would be fine by it. There is a reason he is married with me, I'm his wife and she is just a friend. If she was there before me, there is no reason she should leave after me. Trust is a important thing in a marriage, being paranoid just messes stuff up.

Do you think a couple should be very open about stuff when they're married, including their past?
Yes!

If your husband was out late nights with his "friends", would you suspect him, especially if these outings were occurring so frequently?
If its happening frequently, yes. Once in a while is OK. But if he is out very often, and i hardly see him i would be suspicious.

Could you live with someone your whole life, have children and not get married to them?
Nope, i want to get married.

Do you think marriage is losing its meaning? Do you want to get married? What is YOUR reason for wanting to get married?
I think marriage is losing its meaning in the sense that people don't take it so seriously anymore, ppl tend to have "if it doesn't work out I'll just get a divorce/cheat until I'm happy". Marriage isn't sacred anymore. Yes, one day i would like to get happily married. Reasons for getting married, hmm i guess just the concept of spending your life with someone you love a lot or can learn to love. Someone to share life with, rather then being alone. Oh, and babies :yes:

[FlyDesiGrl]

The bitch is directionless, fuck!
She asks more questions than a toddler.
Be quiet! What wrong with a discussion?!

[nychump]

those questions are sooooo female

[FlyDesiGrl]

After motherly love, marriage is the greatest bond a human can divulge themselves in. New responsibilities and a duty to help start a life and guide it to the true path (whatever that is you believe). Marriage itself, is not about happiness solely(by happiness i mean, cuddling,kissing going out, b/w a mand and a woman). It brings two household together, two families together, two views together, two destinies together. In my perspective, marriage is party of life, part of faith.
taking part in sexual relationship with a woman is a sin (as matter of fact even nonsexual, yet intimate relationship with someone whom you are not married to is a sin (i don't who disagrees with me, i know all religion started off with this notion). Therefore, for me, having a gf/bf is WRONG without any question. No room of wonderment because for me, it's simply not allowed. Marriage allows us to cope with problems without completely ending relationships. Divorce in my religion is allowed, but not promoted (meaning it's not a very applauding concept). Only in dire circumstances, it is allowed, which can take birth for anyone of us.

Now for your first question: If someone was married previously, then do you mind it? Well I would like my wife to tell me about such things, and i do the same. It's only moral norms that we must abide by. If one fails to this, we must also realize, that past is gone. Everyone is entitled to live a happy, joyful life, and if in the past, their didn't work out, then maybe you are given that honor to make them happy. So what, if they were married in the past, try to over look that. (now this concept is ideally, and i must grow my heart and wisdom to live up to it. i think i can, but i do not know yet).

If my wife had a very good friend of the opposite sex, would i mind that: Yes i will mind that very much. She needs not a very close friend if im there for her. A meaning of a husband/wife is that for the other, they mean the world to them. They become the person who will be by their side always, so why need someone else. and i shall clearly express that to my wife. If she still doesn't to me, then that will definitely create problems in the marriage. (not saying divorce is the outcome, but truly a possibility). This is not hypocritical to what i have said, because i would give unconditional faith to them as well.

Should couples be open about everything including the past: The answer i would like is yes. Tell everything. Have so much faith in your spouse to tell them absolutely everything. But one must talk about this before they actually start unraveling their past, in order to determine if such a feat would create barriers for future.

If a husband is out late at night frequently: To me that is not acceptable. A husband has a duty to fulfill to his wife. Friends become second priority, and one must prioritize their life accordingly. Such behaviors are not acceptable without any question.

If a wife wants affection and care: Well like i said earlier, marriage is not just about loving in that manner. Love can be expressed by infinite terms, and if the wife is being unreasonable, then she must be taught (with words offcourse) Everything must be done in moderation, love in moderation, sex in moderation, work in moderation, fun in moderation. Only after such an equilibrium, one can equate it to absolute happiness and joy in their lives. Any of those elements done in excess, can have reprisals leading up.

thank you very much for your time, if you read this.
Salam
Oh my, long post. I will read it and get back to you.

[kkomalpatel]

I dont want to get married. Because that means I cant love other women. And I will have to share my f00d. Aint no one gonna have my f00d.

Marriage is just a legal thingy, if two people come together and accept their lowe for one another thats enough. No need to put a seal of the country and make it all you know, legal. Umm. I dont know where I'm going with this. I'll stick to my first reasoning.

[FlyDesiGrl]

he called you a toddler :p
Shut up, shit stirrer! :lol:

[Echelon]

well, he doesnt know those breasticles weigh more than any toddler he knows :p
I've seen that shit, she should split them in half and she could directly apportion her milk to a horde of piglets.
That said, she's inquisitive like a toddler. I wonder if she's asked "Daddy, why are my tits so big?"

"Hmm babygal, let me feel them and let me see".

[RYUK]

Do you think marriage is losing its meaning?

only to those who who takes marriage life lightly

Do you want to get married?
Yes

What is YOUR reason for wanting to get married?
for a proper healthy family life. Im sure that can be achieved if both parties r committed to the marriage

[sunny333333]

The bitch is directionless, fuck!
She asks more questions than a toddler.
:rofl:

[ak47kf7]

Oh my, long post. I will read it and get back to you.
as u desire =]

[FlyDesiGrl]

After motherly love, marriage is the greatest bond a human can divulge themselves in. New responsibilities and a duty to help start a life and guide it to the true path (whatever that is you believe). Marriage itself, is not about happiness solely(by happiness i mean, cuddling,kissing going out, b/w a mand and a woman). It brings two household together, two families together, two views together, two destinies together. In my perspective, marriage is party of life, part of faith.
taking part in sexual relationship with a woman is a sin (as matter of fact even nonsexual, yet intimate relationship with someone whom you are not married to is a sin (i don't who disagrees with me, i know all religion started off with this notion). Therefore, for me, having a gf/bf is WRONG without any question. No room of wonderment because for me, it's simply not allowed. Marriage allows us to cope with problems without completely ending relationships. Divorce in my religion is allowed, but not promoted (meaning it's not a very applauding concept). Only in dire circumstances, it is allowed, which can take birth for anyone of us.

Now for your first question: If someone was married previously, then do you mind it? Well I would like my wife to tell me about such things, and i do the same. It's only moral norms that we must abide by. If one fails to this, we must also realize, that past is gone. Everyone is entitled to live a happy, joyful life, and if in the past, their didn't work out, then maybe you are given that honor to make them happy. So what, if they were married in the past, try to over look that. (now this concept is ideally, and i must grow my heart and wisdom to live up to it. i think i can, but i do not know yet).

If my wife had a very good friend of the opposite sex, would i mind that: Yes i will mind that very much. She needs not a very close friend if im there for her. A meaning of a husband/wife is that for the other, they mean the world to them. They become the person who will be by their side always, so why need someone else. and i shall clearly express that to my wife. If she still doesn't to me, then that will definitely create problems in the marriage. (not saying divorce is the outcome, but truly a possibility). This is not hypocritical to what i have said, because i would give unconditional faith to them as well.

Should couples be open about everything including the past: The answer i would like is yes. Tell everything. Have so much faith in your spouse to tell them absolutely everything. But one must talk about this before they actually start unraveling their past, in order to determine if such a feat would create barriers for future.

If a husband is out late at night frequently: To me that is not acceptable. A husband has a duty to fulfill to his wife. Friends become second priority, and one must prioritize their life accordingly. Such behaviors are not acceptable without any question.

If a wife wants affection and care: Well like i said earlier, marriage is not just about loving in that manner. Love can be expressed by infinite terms, and if the wife is being unreasonable, then she must be taught (with words offcourse) Everything must be done in moderation, love in moderation, sex in moderation, work in moderation, fun in moderation. Only after such an equilibrium, one can equate it to absolute happiness and joy in their lives. Any of those elements done in excess, can have reprisals leading up.

thank you very much for your time, if you read this.
Salam
Okay, you do make some good points, although i do think you are being very black and white and not really leaving any room for compromise. I won't go into what you're being so black and white about yet..but i will say this...

You say that sexual/non-sexual dating relationships are a sin, and shouldn't happen and that they are a concept of all religions previously? Okay, sure. But if you don't date a person, how will you know what you are getting yourself into? Sometimes it takes years to get to know a person, but then again it could take a few months. I believe there is a difference. When you fall in love and get married, most of the dirty laundry is aired out, all bad aspects are talked about and then squared away. Knowing that most things are talked about (which could cause problems after marriage) have been let out, it will lead to a healthier relationship. In an arranged marriage, i believe people feel as though they are under pressure somewhat. A guy and girl are introduced to each other..they begin courting one another...but there will always be that hesitation as to if you should reveal certain aspects of your life. You don't know the person firstly, so why would you reveal such personal details? And to know that it could hinder the possibility of you both getting married is another reason why i think some people hold back. I've seen many times in arranged marriages where things have slipped up from one of the spouse's past, and it caused a huge rift. Okay yes that's something they need to work out, but i don't think it's a good thing at all. Yes two people who are arranged have the time to get to know one another when they are engaged...by why even bother getting engaged, when you could possibly call it off? That's what i don't agree with when it comes to Desi mentality. Parents expect you to get engaged, get to know one another, and grow as a couple, then get married. During that engagement period people start to find out that you are engaged...yes they're happy and pleased to see that...but what if it doesn't go through? I just don't like the idea, and it gives people more reason to speculate and talk shit. Divorce is wrong, although it's allowed..but why even run the risk of that happening? I'm not saying love marriages are perfect, but in my opinion they have more chances of success these days especially with our generation.

[FlyDesiGrl]

I've seen that shit, she should split them in half and she could directly apportion her milk to a horde of piglets.
That said, she's inquisitive like a toddler. I wonder if she's asked "Daddy, why are my tits so big?"

"Hmm babygal, let me feel them and let me see".
Yes i am inquisitive! I can't help that!

[FlyDesiGrl]

are you like trying to be the desi oprah winfree?
Hmm, i should be a talk show host...i talk about interesting things..yeap! Why not? :dunno:

A Desi talk show...talking about things like this, and what our young Desi generation opposes to with the older generation! :p Haha, imagine the topics of discussion! :lol:

"Ma/Pa I'm on birth control and i'm having sex...paareh maar!" :lol:

[FlyDesiGrl]

Wouldn't this be something to square away before one gets married? Seems like some pretty basic background information.

I meant if you were married and the spouse hid it from you, and maybe by force, or there was no way of hiding it, or by accident it came out. Everyone has their dark little secrets. What about a person who was previously married just to get their Greencard, and they hid it from you? Then 2-3 yrs into your marriage you found out they were previously married, and they said it was for a Greencard job, but their was no sexual relations, and they didn't live together, and there was no attraction?

[FlyDesiGrl]

i do believe in marriage and its promises..... but stuff like marriages are made in heaven n love is all u need, are all crap.

it takes 2 individuals who besides just being in love with one other, have it in them to make it work.

what i do believe is essential is a live in realationship for at least 6 months before you marry. things a lot different when you have to wake up with your partner everyday.... you learn more about them this way than you ever will in 6 years of dating...
I think a live in relationship tells a lot about a couple. It's a trial period to see if you can really stand the relationship being around one another 24/7 for the most part. I agree.

[FlyDesiGrl]

i dont pick on nikki. her tatas are :bowdown:
:lol: Awww how sweet, Saj! :p

[nayeemx33]

Shut up and get married already. :arrow:

[FlyDesiGrl]

Shut up and get married already. :arrow:
No need to get all hostile up in here! :lol: Bloody hell! :ugh:

[nayeemx33]

No need to get all hostile up in here! :lol: Bloody hell! :ugh:

You're a Texan, so please don't ever use the word bloody again :arrow:

[TheLoneAvenger]

You say that sexual/non-sexual dating relationships are a sin, and shouldn't happen and that they are a concept of all religions previously? Okay, sure. But if you don't date a person, how will you know what you are getting yourself into?

I don't think dating has done anything to improve the success of marriage. I don't see marriages in the US being any more stable than in other countries to be honest. And getting to know another person can occur in a non-dating context.


In an arranged marriage, i believe people feel as though they are under pressure somewhat. A guy and girl are introduced to each other..they begin courting one another...but there will always be that hesitation as to if you should reveal certain aspects of your life. You don't know the person firstly, so why would you reveal such personal details?

I can understand your idea that there would be hesitation at first since the two are essentially strangers, but that's why there is a courting process. So you can begin to find out each others personalities and see if there is compatibility.

And as to your point concerning revealing personal details, it's fairly clear in such a process that the ideal outcome is marriage. Under this assumption, what benefit would lying/omitting certain details about oneself that could or will come out easily in the future after marriage.

I'd say that revelation of personal details is just as less likely in a dating context since intentions of marriage or long term commitment aren't clear from the outset. One person could be looking for a short term relationship and would feel no obligation to be particularly truthful or honest


That's what i don't agree with when it comes to Desi mentality. Parents expect you to get engaged, get to know one another, and grow as a couple, then get married. During that engagement period people start to find out that you are engaged...yes they're happy and pleased to see that...but what if it doesn't go through?

Call off the engagement and move on. I've seen it happen and it's not that rare of an event. People in the community understand that these types of things happen.



I just don't like the idea, and it gives people more reason to speculate and talk shit. Divorce is wrong, although it's allowed..but why even run the risk of that happening? I'm not saying love marriages are perfect, but in my opinion they have more chances of success these days especially with our generation.

I'm just skeptical of love marriages, due to the society I live in. Maybe it's the initial attraction and euphoria that clouds people's brains, but I don't see it as being superior to an arranged/assisted marriage. You still have many of the same problems of lying, cheating, etc. Is having a love marriage a viable option though, yes.

[FlyDesiGrl]

You're a Texan, so please don't ever use the word bloody again :arrow:
I'm from England originally, chump.

[nayeemx33]

I'm from England originally, chump.

Ewwww. Go away.

[FlyDesiGrl]

those questions are sooooo female
What?! How so?!!

[ak47kf7]

Okay, you do make some good points, although i do think you are being very black and white and not really leaving any room for compromise. I won't go into what you're being so black and white about yet..but i will say this...

You say that sexual/non-sexual dating relationships are a sin, and shouldn't happen and that they are a concept of all religions previously? Okay, sure. But if you don't date a person, how will you know what you are getting yourself into? Sometimes it takes years to get to know a person, but then again it could take a few months. I believe there is a difference. When you fall in love and get married, most of the dirty laundry is aired out, all bad aspects are talked about and then squared away. Knowing that most things are talked about (which could cause problems after marriage) have been let out, it will lead to a healthier relationship. In an arranged marriage, i believe people feel as though they are under pressure somewhat. A guy and girl are introduced to each other..they begin courting one another...but there will always be that hesitation as to if you should reveal certain aspects of your life. You don't know the person firstly, so why would you reveal such personal details? And to know that it could hinder the possibility of you both getting married is another reason why i think some people hold back. I've seen many times in arranged marriages where things have slipped up from one of the spouse's past, and it caused a huge rift. Okay yes that's something they need to work out, but i don't think it's a good thing at all. Yes two people who are arranged have the time to get to know one another when they are engaged...by why even bother getting engaged, when you could possibly call it off? That's what i don't agree with when it comes to Desi mentality. Parents expect you to get engaged, get to know one another, and grow as a couple, then get married. During that engagement period people start to find out that you are engaged...yes they're happy and pleased to see that...but what if it doesn't go through? I just don't like the idea, and it gives people more reason to speculate and talk shit. Divorce is wrong, although it's allowed..but why even run the risk of that happening? I'm not saying love marriages are perfect, but in my opinion they have more chances of success these days especially with our generation.


i do not condemn any of your views, nevertheless, ideally i don't agree with them. First of, let me say that im still a kid. Yes i'd love the idea of having a gf, this is what i see around me. So this makes me a hypocrite u'd c in regards to what i stated previously. I might disagree because i have not had a gf yet, and one of the reasons is that im scared because it's against my morals.

now going back to what you said. I know we are in a new generation with different norms. But I despise it. In history, people did fall in love b4 marriage, but predominantly i reckon they were arranged (dunno if im correct in this). most of our parents were married in a form of arranged marriage, and most of the time, i have seen them happy. Why is divorce more common now a days then before? The answer is, precisely to what you say. Divorce is so common these days because people think they are liberal, and they have gained some sort of rights. They date before marriage, have experienced a lot of fruits of marriage, before it. Now you might say im wrong in this, but that is only my understanding, and very well i could be wrong. See with time, and im going to say that people able to date around is linked with the concept of liberalism. In liberal society, they have so many rules, and so many more rules in the making, because they keep messing up. They fix one thing, then something else gets messed up, that's how it is you can't deny it.

I know i have made so easily made a link to liberalism and dating around, but that is only due to my thinking. My apologies if this is controversial, but hopefully you are mature enough to realize that it's only my view.

In retrospect, what i mean is that we can't overlook the examples in history of arranged marriage. My parents were married in that fashion, and my family is just wonderful. Everyone has problems, but not to the extent of divorce and such. So your argument about dating before marriage to know a person doesn't seem very feasible (to me i.e.)

I would like to ask the religion you follow, because if you are Muslim then i'd like to say more (something that might be easier for you to follow) if you were muslim. If you aren't then it might not make much sense to you....

[TheLoneAvenger]

I think a live in relationship tells a lot about a couple. It's a trial period to see if you can really stand the relationship being around one another 24/7 for the most part. I agree.

I don't know about this.

There are studies that indicate higher divorce rates of cohabitating couples who eventually marry, higher rates of abuse, etc. Of course this could be due to the types of people who cohabitate and not the act of cohabitating.

But probably because cohabitation is just a weaker union than marriage.

If you think it's a necessary step before marriage, go for it, but I don't think it's as simple as the analogy of "testing driving a marriage."

[Echelon]

I don't know about this.

There are studies that indicate higher divorce rates of cohabitating couples who eventually marry, higher rates of abuse, etc. Of course this could be due to the types of people who cohabitate and not the act of cohabitating.

But probably because cohabitation is just a weaker union than marriage.

If you think it's a necessary step before marriage, go for it, but I don't think it's as simple as the analogy of "testing driving a marriage."Although those studies are correct, causality can be pointed to the fact that those married from the get-go are living in idealistic circumstances where they are compromising harmony and peace of mind to maintain a perfect image of familial order, even though it is merely just pretense.
Most of these people suffer under oppressive conditions, because they live under a reigme of apparent perfection.


Let's assume your parents choose out a girl, which in thier best interests was a suitable girl for you. And although their initial preconditions for a candidate were good, it didn't fully realise her compatibility. She later rendered herself as a sociopath with serious asocial disorders and bipolar syndrome. You're probably still going to be living with her to maintain an idealistic view of marriage for some sense of preservation. But it's all just bullshit pretense. You're living in hell.

[chunky]

a tax break.

[:0(-_-)0: mirchi]

marriage has no value whatsoever and goes against the basic fundamentals of human nature.

[Echelon]

marriage has no value whatsoever and goes against the basic fundamentals of human nature.
It has financial benefits. But there is a possibility of financial detriment.
There are also other philosophical benefits which are to do with order and harmony in society.

[:0(-_-)0: mirchi]

It has financial benefits. But there is a possibility of financial detriment.
There are also other philosophical benefits which are to do with order and harmony in society.
it has no financial benefits for the richer person. hence, not for me.
marriage is the root of most domestic violence, assault and a large number of homicides and the majority of the courts' time in session.

[Echelon]

it has no financial benefits for the richer person. hence, not for me.
marriage is the root of most domestic violence, assault and a large number of homicides and the majority of the courts' time in session.
I don't think past empirical statistics on marriage (where different social conditions and expectations existed on females) are a good base of measurement for contemporary or future marriages, because the expectations on the female and the general consensus for abuse is totally different.

That said there are a lot of negatives associated with non-marriage. Consider the following, if marriage were not to occur and children were borne within a disordered society they'll suffer greatly. Its purely nomadic. The concept of mother, father, son, daughter is lost. Society is dysfunctional at large because a major incentive to reap the fruits of labour is lost.

[TheLoneAvenger]

Let's assume your parents choose out a girl, which in thier best interests was a suitable girl for you. And although their initial preconditions for a candidate were good, it didn't fully realise her compatibility. She later rendered herself as a sociopath with serious asocial disorders and bipolar syndrome. You're probably still going to be living with her to maintain an idealistic view of marriage for some sense of preservation. But it's all just bullshit pretense. You're living in hell.


Nice hypothetical situation. Might make a good made for TV movie, but it's just so out there. Yeah it might occur in real life in extremely rare circumstances, but honestly, your situation isn't something I'm worrying about.

Bipolar disorder isn't too difficult to see in a person. Extreme periods of happiness and extreme periods of depression. I've seen bipolar people and these periods of extremes are pretty clear. You'd think the guy was on some type of stimulant during his "happy" periods. If she's keeping it under control with Lithium or some other drugs and hasn't had periods where she's abandoned her meds, I'd say that's a different situation.

As for being a sociopath. That might be tougher to sniff out, but I'd feel fairly confident in at least detecting a hint of abnormality during the engagement period/"courting" period. I haven't done my psych rotation yet, but I'm sure I'll pick up some interesting information.

But having parents assist in the marriage process isn't a mandate to marry someone of their choosing. It's basically saying, "Hey, we think this girl has admirable qualities and from what we know, she seems decent. Talk to her and see if you two are compatible (division of labor, # of children, financial situations, personality compatibility, etc)"


Although those studies are correct, causality can be pointed to the fact that those married from the get-go are living in idealistic circumstances where they are compromising harmony and peace of mind to maintain a perfect image of familial order, even though it is merely just pretense.

I can see this having some validity, but I've seen recent studies where they've stated that the current level of satisfaction/happiness is similar among married people and cohabitators. Older studies tipped the hand toward marriage. So it's still somewhat up in the air, but then that means that people who are married are experiencing a similar if not greater level of satisfaction.

but the point is that at best, cohabitation has no effect at all in helping in the future stability of a marriage and at worst will only lead to a higher likelihood of divorce, which doesn't lead credence to the idea of "test driving the marriage" by living together beforehand.

[Echelon]

Also there will be financial benefits for you, even if you are the "richer" one.

[dave302de]

http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u284/dave302de/Picture026.jpg i needed some attention.
random

[Echelon]

Nice hypothetical situation. Might make a good made for TV movie, but it's just so out there. Yeah it might occur in real life in extremely rare circumstances, but honestly, your situation isn't something I'm worrying about.

Bipolar disorder isn't too difficult to see in a person. Extreme periods of happiness and extreme periods of depression. I've seen bipolar people and these periods of extremes are pretty clear. You'd think the guy was on some type of stimulant during his "happy" periods. If she's keeping it under control with Lithium or some other drugs and hasn't had periods where she's abandoned her meds, I'd say that's a different situation.

As for being a sociopath. That might be tougher to sniff out, but I'd feel fairly confident in at least detecting a hint of abnormality during the engagement period/"courting" period. I haven't done my psych rotation yet, but I'm sure I'll pick up some interesting information.

But having parents assist in the marriage process isn't a mandate to marry someone of their choosing. It's basically saying, "Hey, we think this girl has admirable qualities and from what we know, she seems decent. Talk to her and see if you two are compatible (division of labor, # of children, financial situations, personality compatibility, etc)"




I can see this having some validity, but I've seen recent studies where they've stated that the current level of satisfaction/happiness is similar among married people and cohabitators. Older studies tipped the hand toward marriage. So it's still somewhat up in the air, but then that means that people who are married are experiencing a similar if not greater level of satisfaction.

but the point is that at best, cohabitation has no effect at all in helping in the future stability of a marriage and at worst will only lead to a higher likelihood of divorce, which doesn't lead credence to the idea of "test driving the marriage" by living together beforehand.
You're talking about standard bipolar nonlinearisms over a more extreme form which goes onto depression. And it isn't so 'hollywood' and contrivied as you may seem, I guess i'll let you get married and experience women for the first time to full understad the concept. Just don't expect her to be some islamic stepford like you've so eloquently moulded in your imagination.
And even if it is a mere recommendation, it is just the facade.

And the latter paragraph is humorous. Older studies? From the 50s? When females were stepfords. Yeah they were heaps happy.

[JOHNNY K-BAR]

:lol:

make some you boys have her sign a pre-nup for your sake at least.....

[illin]

i totally respect and appreciate the conventions of marriage. I beleive marriage to be a great expression of the love that two people hold for each other, call me a traditionalist or a romantic or watever the fuck, but thats my 2 cents...but......i know theres a lot of scandalous bitches out there (males and females so fuck off) and that complicates things...so you gota do what you gota do, i barely trust anyone as it is.

[TheLoneAvenger]

You're talking about standard bipolar nonlinearisms over a more extreme form which goes onto depression. And it isn't so 'hollywood' and contrivied as you may seem, I guess i'll let you get married and experience women for the first time to full understad the concept. Just don't expect her to be some islamic stepford like you've so eloquently moulded in your imagination.
And even if it is a mere recommendation, it is just the facade.

And the latter paragraph is humorous. Older studies? From the 50s? When females were stepfords. Yeah they were heaps happy.

You described a disturbed individual in your inane example. Not exactly someone who is exhibiting extremely subtle mannerisms. Why not just present a female Hannibal Lecter.

Some information to enlighten yourself with:

Bipolar disorder — Bipolar disorder is divided into two subtypes:

* Patients with bipolar I disorder have a history of at least one manic episode, with or without past major depressive episodes.

* Patients with bipolar II disorder have a history of at least one episode of major depression and at least one hypomanic episode. The latter is characterized by a mood elevation that is abnormal for the individual but does not seriously impair functioning or require hospitalization.

Bipolar II disorder may be a more prevalent illness in primary care patients presenting with depression than bipolar I, since primary care physicians tend to see people with less severe illness.

The key part is that mania and/or depression are going to be present. Mania isn't that difficult to deduce. And depression, I just refer to SIGECAPS and hope for the best.

Besides, it's fairly evident when a patient's family member or a patient has something "off" with them. The diagnosis might not be clear and would obviously need a psychiatrist, but it's pretty clear that they aren't normal.

As for choosing an Islamic stepford, it isn't that difficult to lay out one's preferences for a mate. If a prospective doesn't agree on something I can't compromise on, then move on to the next.

If you think it's a facade, that's perfectly fine. You have your notions and they aren't going to change via an anonymous messageboard, and to be honest, it has no bearing on me.

Older studies from the early 1990s. Latter studies, meaning around 2003. Science does tend to change.

[Echelon]

Besides, although I haven't dealt with psych patients, I have seen a decent amount of patients in general and it's fairly evident when a patient's family member or a patient has something "off." The diagnosis might not be clear and would obviously need a psychiatrist, but it's pretty clear that they aren't normal.
Incorrect, if anything, there are a lot of psychopaths who exhibit perfect facades. Infact, its the image of perfection that causes inner corruption to their their psychology. Again, look at the stepford example.


As for choosing an Islamic stepford, it isn't that difficult to lay out one's preferences for a mate. If a prospective doesn't agree on something I can't compromise on, then move on to the next.
You're assuming you can lay out some sort of rule of law on her and see where she stands and then choose whether she can compromise or not? Even if you did, you still wont understand the full and ultimate picture. I'm not saying you'll gain that via cohabitation either but you'll gain a better image as opposed to your proposed microscopic view.


If you think it's a facade, that's perfectly fine. You have your notions and they aren't going to change via an anonymous messageboard, and to be honest, it has no bearing on me.
It is common sense that anyone who presents themselves to you on first inspection is going to let you in on nothing but their perfect facade. The intenion is to get married and therefore the best possible representation is desired.


Older studies from the early 1990s. Latter studies, meaning around 2003. Science does tend to change.Heh of course there will be a progressive degree of declination of happiness in marriage, but as I said, its just a reflection of old standards ie) stepford example. But where are these studies you speak of? I'm interested.

I don't believe both relationship bonds are fault free.
But I know which imperfect model I'd be choosing.

[TheLoneAvenger]

Incorrect, if anything, there are a lot of psychopaths who exhibit perfect facades. Infact, its the image of perfection that causes inner corruption to their their psychology. Again, look at the stepford example.

We're just going around in circles. Sociopaths find mates in Western society even with dating etc. Domestic abusers, molesters, etc somehow find people to date and marry in Western society so again, dating doesn't seem to afford any extra protection.

And your focus on psychopaths is tiring. How much of the population has psychiatric disorders such as depression, schizophrenia, etc?->Probably a decent number.

How many are true sociopaths? I don't think it's a number that's enough to cause me to lose any sleep.


You're assuming you can lay out some sort of rule of law on her and see where she stands and then choose whether she can compromise or not? Even if you did, you still wont understand the full and ultimate picture. I'm not saying you'll gain that via cohabitation either but you'll gain a better image as opposed to your proposed microscopic view.

Again, how is this any different than a woman who does a "bait and switch." It isn't too difficult to find examples of men entering marriages with a woman who potrays a specific image before marriage and changes after.

I'll say it again, cohabitation at best does nothing to decrease the likelihood of divorce or at worst increases it. So gaining a supposed better view doesn't seem to make sense or else marriages that occurred after cohabitation should make a more stable marriage/cause less divorces.



It is common sense that anyone who presents themselves to you on first inspection is going to let you in on nothing but their perfect facade. The intenion is to get married and therefore the best possible representation is desired.

Yes, on a first inspection. But what decisions are being made on a single meeting or inspection? And you make it seem as though a female is just dying to get married to me at any costs. Yes, I am quite a catch, but I'm not that great.

This isn't a quick process and having experienced it through siblings tends to take some time, where the partners get a chance to see compatibility.

And just anectodally, I know people who have certain vices (for example a Mulsim who drinks) and they'd rather be with a partner who is accepting of their vice than enter a commitment where this issue can cause friction.

[jat_jatt_sardar]

I had a conversation with a good friend today...so it inspired this thread...

You know, it's like when you're dating a person things seem easier, and life is easier. If you have a fight with your bf/gf, whether it be something serious or minor...it'll eventually blow over. But you can do without talking to each other for a few days, or a week maybe. But when you're married and going through things as such, it seems like all principals and values just sometimes get tossed out of the window. Conflicting views, etc. What the man of the house might think makes the woman happy, it actually doesn't. And what the woman does to please her man, can be sometimes overlooked. Obviously there is a lot more to what i'm saying here...but these are just some examples.

Questions to ponder:

If you found out during your marriage that your spouse was previously married...would that be grounds for seperation/divorce?

How would you feel if your spouse had a very good friend of the opposite sex, and they talked on the phone reguarly, or met out for lunch and such?

Do you think a couple should be very open about stuff when they're married, including their past?

Ladies: If your husband was out late nights with his "friends", would you suspect him, especially if these outings were occuring so frequently?

Guys: Women want a lot of love and affection, they want to be held, cuddled, watch a movie on the couch, etc etc...can you provide that when she asks for it? Do you think there is a limit for affection?

Could you live with someone your whole life, have children and not get married to them?


Do you think marriage is losing its meaning? Do you want to get married? What is YOUR reason for wanting to get married?

DISCUSS...

(yes i know that's a lot of questions, but i'm interested in what y'all think...)
Well if your spouse been with partners before marriage then it doesn;t really matter if they were married to someone before either.

Because people take dating too seriously, the meaning of marriage is going to be lost. Being girlfriend and boyfriend is such serious a serious way of being partners that theres actually no need to get married.

Marriage was only useful when it was the way of becomibng someones partner. In other words gf-bf is a partner you make without having a ceremony and wife-husband is one ou make with having a ceremony. People have gone so much into dating that the difference in dating and marriage could just be the ceremony taken before the start of the partnership/relationship.

In fact marriage is actually very limiting for people who make bf-gfs. As gf-bf you can split easily with a person and get witgh someone else. Marriage requires divorce and then re-marriage for the n ext relationship and so on. I think dating has also dissolved the values of marriage, due to the easy splitting up and thne moving on to new relationships of dating, it has had an effect on the divorce rates and re-marriaging due to dating people getting into marriages. Personally I don;'t think marriage is suitable for "easy" people, dating is much better.

I personally prefer to believe in marriage as opposed to dating, and kind of find it pointless to believe in both things, and prefer to get to know girls in a more decent and honourable manner. Dating is not good for marriage as dating makes a person polygamous, being with differnt people, will make it hard to stay with one person after marriage. How is a person suuposed to stay married with one person after they are married if they couldn't before?

So to conclude dating has really brought down the values of desi people, and is also ruining marriages. Of course there might be people who don;'t believe in marriage nor dating. This might be because they are celibate or they might just not believe having partners, unfortunately dating people put them down as "players" LOL. Its very laughable that people try to put the values of marriage into dating, just so they may look decent, what they forget is that they aren;t actually married. lol what a mess indeed!!! lol :rolleyes:

[ilyas@!!oops!!]

it's all a sign from god as marriage does not work well in this day and age!
not like our parents times!!!!!!

ppl break uo to quick! :mad: :mad:

[LitoWeapN]

twelve dollars and change.
:rofl:

[dopekhor]

Hmm, i should be a talk show host...i talk about interesting things..yeap! Why not? :dunno:

A Desi talk show...talking about things like this, and what our young Desi generation opposes to with the older generation! :p Haha, imagine the topics of discussion! :lol:

"Ma/Pa I'm on birth control and i'm having sex...paareh maar!" :lol:
as long as you wear some skintastic clothes and even talk shit and your show is on a desi channel beaming in the sub continent your show will be at the top of the ac nelson charts in the desi category

[uglyDuckling]

Questions to ponder:

If you found out during your marriage that your spouse was previously married...would that be grounds for seperation/divorce?

How would you feel if your spouse had a very good friend of the opposite sex, and they talked on the phone reguarly, or met out for lunch and such?

Do you think a couple should be very open about stuff when they're married, including their past?

Ladies: If your husband was out late nights with his "friends", would you suspect him, especially if these outings were occuring so frequently?

Guys: Women want a lot of love and affection, they want to be held, cuddled, watch a movie on the couch, etc etc...can you provide that when she asks for it? Do you think there is a limit for affection?

Could you live with someone your whole life, have children and not get married to them?


Do you think marriage is losing its meaning? Do you want to get married? What is YOUR reason for wanting to get married?

DISCUSS...

(yes i know that's a lot of questions, but i'm interested in what y'all think...)


1) Yes, I would divorce.

2) Well, it depends. If it's his very good friend, I'd like to be introduced to her. And I want to be with him during most of his lunches with her.
Actually, alot of guys looking for a wife want her to be their best friend, so if I am his best-friend he will invite me to thos lunches.

3) Well, if you have something dark in your past you should say it before getting married or don't say it ever! because it's possibly something that can break your marriage.

4) Yes, I would mind. Having a guys night out once in a while is alright. I guess it partly has to do with my personality but I can't accept him being out with his "boys" every night.

5) No, I need to get married to have kids with someone. It's more binding if you will.

6) I think marriage is diverting from the traditional meaning. Monogamous relationships last only a few years. Sometimes couples use the excuse of their kids to stick together. I want to get married and I will try my best to make it last. Why? I don't know - family pressure, lonliness, wanting to have a family of my own .. my own herd.

[jat_jatt_sardar]

1) Yes, I would divorce.

2) Well, it depends. If it's his very good friend, I'd like to be introduced to her. And I want to be with him during most of his lunches with her.
Actually, alot of guys looking for a wife want her to be their best friend, so if I am his best-friend he will invite me to thos lunches.

3) Well, if you have something dark in your past you should say it before getting married or don't say it ever! because it's possibly something that can break your marriage.

4) Yes, I would mind. Having a guys night out once in a while is alright. I guess it partly has to do with my personality but I can't accept him being out with his "boys" every night.

5) No, I need to get married to have kids with someone. It's more binding if you will.

6) I think marriage is diverting from the traditional meaning. Monogamous relationships last only a few years. Sometimes couples use the excuse of their kids to stick together. I want to get married and I will try my best to make it last. Why? I don't know - family pressure, lonliness, wanting to have a family of my own .. my own herd.
well monogamous relationships dont; last long for people who commit serial polygamy, as in get with different people, but only one at a time. As opposed to being married to one person. I don;t know if its possible for a person who has been with different people to be married to one person, but I guess some people can. Just don't put the people who only be with one person in their lifetime with the people who be with one person but actually multiple people overall.

[SarcasmicBengali]

first of all: i dont think that theres anything that ppl shud be 'finding out' about their significant other AFTER marriage, esp. stuff as big as other relationships, etc...
one shud know their lover REALLY well BEFORE marriage, and if they don't, then i dunt understand how someone can agree to spend their life with someone whom they might not know everything about.

and basicaly, except for the whole... chillin w/ famiy as a cpl, living together, being responsible for a household together... marriage shouldnt really bring about any change amongst the two ppl in the marriage.
as people, they're still the same, their feelings are the same if not stronger... so whats the big change being brought on by this larger than life concept of marriage?

does a woman not suspect her man if he goes out w/ frnds even before they're married?
are suspicion, jealousy, trust issues and emotional attachment not factors for couples before marriage??
does a girl only start wantin affection AFTER marriage?
how can a man decide to spend his life w/ a woman if he doesnt know something as simple as the fact that his lover loves cuddlin up on the sofa to watch a movie??

my point is: if two ppl are in a committed and mature relationship with each other... the same problems and same benefits are not only expected, but inevitable... regardless of a piece of paper validating their relationship.

honestly, if it wasnt a 'requirement' of society and our culture to get married...
would we honestly take that extra, yet pointless, step to marry the partner we've been w/ for x number of years?

personally... i have no interest in marriage. no intention of gettin married.
i do plan on adopting kids in the future, when i'm financialy able. my gf shares this plan.
we live together, our families know about us... and know we dont plan on gettin married... and life goes on...

i just get pissed at the fact that married cpls are refered to with a sence of legitimacy while un married cpls arent given the same level of 'importance' (for lack of a better word)
even tho both types of relationships face the same obstacles and struggles in life...

i just dunt consider marriage as being any more than a committement being made by two ppl, on their own.
yes, it a symbolic act of announcing one's relationship to the world through religious and cultural ceremony... in the eyes of ur family and God... but thats it.

marriage has always been symbolic and a big part of tradition.
but these days, its become a mindless ritual to become accepted in society into w/e criteria one's tryin to fulfil... be it others' or their own.

[gujulicious]

I dont want to get married. Because that means I cant love other women. And I will have to share my f00d. Aint no one gonna have my f00d.

Marriage is just a legal thingy, if two people come together and accept their lowe for one another thats enough. No need to put a seal of the country and make it all you know, legal. Umm. I dont know where I'm going with this. I'll stick to my first reasoning.
damn straight biatttch, you're MINE !


we've happily been together since i was 8. AWWWWWWWWWWWW :love:

[alphaPAKI]

this oculd be considered individual specific, whereas marriage could mean alot of different things for different people.

For some it would mean a commitment, which would involve affection, safety, security, nurturing, companionship, procreation, all that good stuff. To an extreme this can be stretched to dependence and desperation.

For some religion could be a major force, where most religions encourage marriage and procreation. This would involve getting married in the appropriate and acceptable manner.

Others could be motivated for monetary reasons, stability or just because its easier. An extreme example would eb an anna nicole smith.

Some might be politically motivated, marrying the right spouse may entitle someone to a certain status or allow one to move to another socioeconomic class, or stop people from thinking theyre a homosexual deviant. Bill and Hilary Clinton's marriage at this point seems for the most part political at this point. Another political marriage would be between Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley.


Whether or not marriage has lost its values or not depends on who you are and what you conceptualize marriage as. It is a manmade institution first developed by culture and religion for the most part. It is a practice taken part by many people even if atheist and regardless of culture. To some marriage is just a title, to others it is much more then that. There is no right or wrong view or answer really.

[jat_jatt_sardar]

Basically, people are moving away from mar6riage and moving more towards the behaviour that would probably have been practised by pre-historic humans, or in present days is practised by animals in the way they find a "mate".
All in all, the primitve nature of humans is re-emerging in modern society.

[R123]

by FlyDesiGrl


Questions to ponder:

If you found out during your marriage that your spouse was previously married...would that be grounds for seperation/divorce?

I'm sure thinking about it now alot of ppl would think yes if they've lied about that who knows what else they've lied about.. personally.. i wouldnt get a divorce.. but i think our marriage would be in trouble and some sorta help would be required.

How would you feel if your spouse had a very good friend of the opposite sex, and they talked on the phone reguarly, or met out for lunch and such?

well seeing as im not comfortable with that now.. i wouldnt allow it after marriage.

Do you think a couple should be very open about stuff when they're married, including their past?

again from personally experience it hink giving details about your past relationships is a HUGE mistake.. the other person never forgets and is always in a way comparing themselves to your past.. my boyfriend has told me alot about his past i wish he hadnt.. our relationship would be a lot better if i didnt know all the things i knew.. which trust me i know A LOT!! i think one should keep it to a limit.

Ladies: If your husband was out late nights with his "friends", would you suspect him, especially if these outings were occuring so frequently?

I dont think I would mind soo much.. its nice to have an evening to your friends or what not.. as long as when and if i called him he didnt act weird or didnt answer my calls.. thats grounds to suspect something.

Could you live with someone your whole life, have children and not get married to them?

No.. personally I'd want to get married then have kids.


Do you think marriage is losing its meaning? Do you want to get married? What is YOUR reason for wanting to get married?

I am getting married this year.. and im nervous.. i've noticed though that when we're datin its easier to turn away but when your married or close to marriage its not that easy. Its exciting to get married but at the same time i'm scared cus im with this person all the tiem.. now when me and my boyfriend fight we just avodi talking to one another or decide to see each other on another day.. where as once we're married and in the same house its kinda impossible to not see each other.

[muks]

If you found out during your marriage that your spouse was previously married...would that be grounds for seperation/divorce?

Yes. You got a right to know your partners past. And you should reveal your experience with people before you committ.

How would you feel if your spouse had a very good friend of the opposite sex, and they talked on the phone reguarly, or met out for lunch and such?

I wouldn't mind. But if she aint givin me attention or caring about me then obviously I will get suspicious.

Do you think a couple should be very open about stuff when they're married, including their past?

Yes, definitely.

Guys: Women want a lot of love and affection, they want to be held, cuddled, watch a movie on the couch, etc etc...can you provide that when she asks for it? Do you think there is a limit for affection?

I can provide that without difficulty. Affection should be fair, not one-sided. When you love you should expect to be loved in return.

Could you live with someone your whole life, have children and not get married to them?

I don't believe in intimacy outside of marriage so obviously I'll have to be married.

Do you think marriage is losing its meaning? Do you want to get married? What is YOUR reason for wanting to get married?

Marriage is losing it's meaning due to the fact that most people are losing their modesty at a very young age, plus there's so much arrogance and animosity out there amongst different social circles. I do want to get married one day, as I want to spend the rest of my life with someone I love, trust and have known for years. It is not in my interests to be lonely and sexually fustrated in my older days.