is it wrong to arrange marriage when...

[alphaPAKI]

when a person is a not a virgin, smokes, drinks, does drugs on occasion, basically has a not so scot free past? and disclosure might be an issue since parents are involved


im curious to see what peoples reactions are to this and whether thye think its right or wrong

[musicchic33]

s'all good.

your rents will find you someone, no worries :wavey:

[alphaPAKI]

s'all good.

your rents will find you someone, no worries :wavey:
well how far is too far

i knew a guy who had 3 kids with a black woman in high school and didnt tell his wife before he got married :|

[illin]

you know how desis are, ya gota be squeaky clean to get inbetween its like running for an election

[alphaPAKI]

you know how desis are, ya gota be squeaky clean to get inbetween its like running for an election
can inlaws sniff em out?

[musicchic33]

well how far is too far

i knew a guy who had 3 kids with a black woman in high school and didnt tell his wife before he got married :|

Parents probably don't know half the ish their kids do before marriage, so the whole arrangement w/out knowing part isn't their problem...

It's up to you to be honest, holmesss

[musicchic33]

you know how desis are, ya gota be squeaky clean to get inbetween its like running for an election

:lol: good point

[cutenoreen]

It's not fair to the girl/guy if you hide who you really are and they find out after the wedding night. You wouldn't want them to do it to you would you?

[illin]

can inlaws sniff em out?

sometimes...i shit you not they do extensive background checks, my friend was gettin married and his wife's fam had money so they checked his ass out, like criminal record check, etc...the whole 9.

[musicchic33]

sometimes...i shit you not they do extensive background checks, my friend was gettin married and his wife's fam had money so they checked his ass out, like criminal record check, etc...the whole 9.

My family friend's suspected their daughter had a bf (which is a no-no with her family) and they hired a friggin' P.I. to find out!


crazy ish

[harvey_mayway]

I wonder what u be like at a Job interview...?

you'll turn up and tell them u do drugs, smoke, fuck about...

IT doesnt create the best first impression... So leave it out.


Never tell people about your past, most of the time your past has nothing to do with what you are like now. What was in your past, should stay in your past.


Just tell people the Good stuff... (let them find out who you are as a person, before u dump your baggage on them

[shadyzgal08]

when a person is a not a virgin, smokes, drinks, does drugs on occasion, basically has a not so scot free past? and disclosure might be an issue since parents are involved


im curious to see what peoples reactions are to this and whether thye think its right or wrong
i dont like this whole idea of arranged marriages....wayyy too complicated lolzz

[musicchic33]

I wonder what u be like at a Job interview...?

you'll turn up and tell them u do drugs, smoke, fuck about...

IT doesnt create the best first impression... So leave it out.


Never tell people about your past, most of the time your past has nothing to do with what you are like now. What was in your past, should stay in your past.


Just tell people the Good stuff... (let them find out who you are as a person, before u dump your baggage on them

Right...except sometimes the past has a way of sneaking up on your and biting you in the ass..

your philosophy sucks..no offense :)

[illin]

My family friend's suspected their daughter had a bf (which is a no-no with her family) and they hired a friggin' P.I. to find out!


crazy ish

yea i've heard of that happenin before...fucked up

[musicchic33]

i dont like this whole idea of arranged marriages....wayyy too complicated lolzz

Actually, it's pretty simple..person A meet person B..now shaadi..

What's not to get?

[illin]

Right...except sometimes the past has a way of sneaking up on your and biting you in the ass..

your philosophy sucks..no offense :)

thats true and if your gona spend the rest of your life with somebody they deserve to know what you've been through, before they make that commitment

[harvey_mayway]

sometimes...i shit you not they do extensive background checks, my friend was gettin married and his wife's fam had money so they checked his ass out, like criminal record check, etc...the whole 9.

criminal record check is easy to do... and they make u do that a new job these days...


(what else did they do,,, ?)

[harvey_mayway]

My family friend's suspected their daughter had a bf (which is a no-no with her family) and they hired a friggin' P.I. to find out!


crazy ish


did he catch her?

[illin]

criminal record check is easy to do... and they make u do that a new job these days...


(what else did they do,,, ?)

talked to his friends, family, cousins, co workers, teachers, etc....they didnt turn up shit though and its funny cuz he used to steal cars...he told his wife that but she was cool about it

[shadyzgal08]

Actually, it's pretty simple..person A meet person B..now shaadi..

What's not to get?
hahaha i meant in the sense that parentz gotta get involved and shit like that lolzz.....i dont think it really makes sense for you to spend the rest of your life with someone you barely know and someone your parents are picking for you

[harvey_mayway]

thats true and if your gona spend the rest of your life with somebody they deserve to know what you've been through, before they make that commitment


i guess... i prob would make some checks on the girl, but im not going to teller anything about me and my past..

[raja_jrps]

desis are clever people man
i mean for myself..there was a rishta.. my brother found out from every tom dick and ali about the girls family
turned out his very old school friend knew the family :|

[harvey_mayway]

hahaha i meant in the sense that parentz gotta get involved and shit like that lolzz.....i dont think it really makes sense for you to spend the rest of your life with someone you barely know and someone your parents are picking for you

you could spend two years talking to them before you get married...


~whats your point, did depends on you, and if you want to get to know the other person.

[alphaPAKI]

It's not fair to the girl/guy if you hide who you really are and they find out after the wedding night. You wouldn't want them to do it to you would you?
yeah but what are teh chances both are squeeky clean, the probability of both having a past is higher if you ask me

i like the whole dont ask dont tell policy personally

[shadyzgal08]

you could spend two years talking to them before you get married...


~whats your point, did depends on you, and if you want to get to know the other person.
i dunno wat it is im just a lil if-fie abt this whole arranged marriage thing..like wheres the love in it? yeah its true you can talk to them for a couple of years but u kno desi parents they wanna rush everything lolz....all i kno is that i wudnt trust either of my parents in gettin me an arranged marriage especailly the way they turned out lolz

[alphaPAKI]

I wonder what u be like at a Job interview...?

you'll turn up and tell them u do drugs, smoke, fuck about...

IT doesnt create the best first impression... So leave it out.


Never tell people about your past, most of the time your past has nothing to do with what you are like now. What was in your past, should stay in your past.


Just tell people the Good stuff... (let them find out who you are as a person, before u dump your baggage on them
well this is a more realistic view, whereas you just focus on the here and now part of it all


except when it boils down to religion some takei t very seriously, say if a girl has been saving her virginity she could very well be counting on having a pure partner, in which case non disclosure could seriously go against her wishes


thing is if you dont disclose and get married, and then spring it all on her after you doggystyle her, then she has no choice to accept it eitherway

[nayeemx33]

Hang him :neutral:

[shadyzgal08]

well this is a more realistic view, whereas you just focus on the here and now part of it all


except when it boils down to religion some takei t very seriously, say if a girl has been saving her virginity she could very well be counting on having a pure partner, in which case non disclosure could seriously go against her wishes


thing is if you dont disclose and get married, and then spring it all on her after you doggystyle her, then she has no choice to accept it eitherway
yeah but there is such a thing called divorce lolz

[alphaPAKI]

Hang him :neutral:
why not just reject?

[alphaPAKI]

yeah but there is such a thing called divorce lolz
realistically most would not like to divorce, too much pressure to stay in a marriage

[shadyzgal08]

realistically most would not like to divorce, too much pressure to stay in a marriage
then i guess u havent met my parentz lolz

[alphaPAKI]

then i guess u havent met my parentz lolz
i said most, obviously divorce does happen

[Kavita]

I dont see why people should care.

[alphaPAKI]

I dont see why people should care.
yeah, if only people exercised absolutely no diligence when picking a life partner

[EverBlazinGyal]

dude arranged marriages are super different these days. it's mostly like "hey beta. i want you to meet this nice boy/girl. he/she is from a good family. what say?".

what's the harm in meeting someone like you mentioned? nothing really. because you can still make up your mind after you get to know them.

[musicchic33]

thats true and if your gona spend the rest of your life with somebody they deserve to know what you've been through, before they make that commitment

w3rdizzle..the major stuff..no one says you necessarily need to get into the nitty gritty..just the important ish

[musicchic33]

did he catch her?
yeah mang, the P.I. had photos of her with him and ish :neutral: and even got his address where her mother paid his a visit..wasn't too pretty

[musicchic33]

hahaha i meant in the sense that parentz gotta get involved and shit like that lolzz.....i dont think it really makes sense for you to spend the rest of your life with someone you barely know and someone your parents are picking for you

to each their own lol

[gorjuzkuri]

i always considered telling the truth to your "future" as a benefit because relationships are based on truth.
Thennn...

i realized that was bullshit haha!

no, actually i still believe it...but my mom and i were discussing it and she said that look when you go out to get married there is no room for your past. And, your marriage is a declaration of your future to be clean of anything wrong not your past. So as long as you keep yourself clean and loyal after marriage that is the only part of life that should matter.

I somehow would still like to tell my partner that i had a past (if i have a bad one)...now it is upto him to want to know in details or not. But, then again everyone has a past!

[musicchic33]

yeah, if only people exercised absolutely no diligence when picking a life partner
:lol:

[Kavita]

yeah, if only people exercised absolutely no diligence when picking a life partner

Not caring does not equal having no diligence. Obviously you dont want someone who smokes on a constant basis, gets drunk, or has some underground drug selling business, or screws every girl. Its not fair to hold people's past against them. If you have something that someone wouldnt like about you then, dont hold the same standards for someone else

[EverBlazinGyal]

people are so sketch. i won't marry anyone unless i know them for like 5 years.

[Kavita]

i always considered telling the truth to your "future" as a benefit because relationships are based on truth.
Thennn...

i realized that was bullshit haha!

no, actually i still believe it...but my mom and i were discussing it and she said that look when you go out to get married there is no room for your past. And, your marriage is a declaration of your future to be clean of anything wrong not your past. So as long as you keep yourself clean and loyal after marriage that is the only part of life that should matter.

I somehow would still like to tell my partner that i had a past (if i have a bad one)...now it is upto him to want to know in details or not.
But, then again everyone has a past!

I f**kin agree

[alphaPAKI]

dude arranged marriages are super different these days. it's mostly like "hey beta. i want you to meet this nice boy/girl. he/she is from a good family. what say?".

what's the harm in meeting someone like you mentioned? nothing really. because you can still make up your mind after you get to know them.
yeah arranged marriages arent the same as before but there could still be familial pressure to marry and also if you dont know someone that well and start blabbing about their past they could easily tell their parents as a reason not to shack up, sopeople arent always that upfront

[alphaPAKI]

i always considered telling the truth to your "future" as a benefit because relationships are based on truth.
Thennn...

i realized that was bullshit haha!

no, actually i still believe it...but my mom and i were discussing it and she said that look when you go out to get married there is no room for your past. And, your marriage is a declaration of your future to be clean of anything wrong not your past. So as long as you keep yourself clean and loyal after marriage that is the only part of life that should matter.

I somehow would still like to tell my partner that i had a past (if i have a bad one)...now it is upto him to want to know in details or not. But, then again everyone has a past!
thats one way to look at it, but do you think your mom would be so understanding of the guy if he had a past?

[alphaPAKI]

people are so sketch. i won't marry anyone unless i know them for like 5 years.
5 years aint enough!

[alphaPAKI]

alright alright, how wrong is this:

say you get engaged to someone via arranged marriage, and you test them by keep trying to sex them up

if they cave in and you manage to sex them up, you call it off for them being a whoore
if they stay chaste, you call it off since they dont put out

[EverBlazinGyal]

yeah arranged marriages arent the same as before but there could still be familial pressure to marry and also if you dont know someone that well and start blabbing about their past they could easily tell their parents as a reason not to shack up, sopeople arent always that upfront

yeah exactly. sooooooo

people are so sketch. i won't marry anyone unless i know them for like 5 years.

ok but on a serious note (not that i wasn't being serious there ^). arranged marriages don't happen after just ONE meeting nowadays either. lying is a tiring thing to keep up with. hopefully the person brings up his/her past before things progress to another level.

ok but then again. i think the kind of person that you mentioned would also show the most resistence to an arranged marriage (not wanting to meet with potential suitors). knawmean?

[EverBlazinGyal]

alright alright, how wrong is this:

say you get engaged to someone via arranged marriage, and you test them by keep trying to sex them up

if they cave in and you manage to sex them up, you call it off for them being a whoore
if they stay chaste, you call it off since they dont put out

that's fucked up

[alphaPAKI]

yeah exactly. sooooooo



ok but on a serious note (not that i wasn't being serious there ^). arranged marriages don't happen after just ONE meeting nowadays either. lying is a tiring thing to keep up with. hopefully the person brings up his/her past before things progress to another level.

ok but then again. i think the kind of person that you mentioned would also show the most resistence to an arranged marriage (not wanting to meet with potential suitors). knawmean?
well a person with a past might be going for an arranged marriage just for that reason, to try and escape that past and start fresh

and some people are good chronic liars let me tell you, so dont think time is gonna be on your side, ive had some interesting experiences in that respect, where once someone gets what they want from you they can become totally different, even after long long periods of time

[musicchic33]

alright alright, how wrong is this:

say you get engaged to someone via arranged marriage, and you test them by keep trying to sex them up

if they cave in and you manage to sex them up, you call it off for them being a whoore
if they stay chaste, you call it off since they dont put out

double-edged sword..

I haven't really heard of the last bit happening, but the first, sadly happens a lot

[alphaPAKI]

that's fucked up
yeah :giggle:

[alphaPAKI]

double-edged sword..

I haven't really heard of the last bit happening, but the first, sadly happens a lot
rly? i gotta watch my back then

i am a sweet peice of ass after all

[musicchic33]

rly? i gotta watch my back then

i am a sweet peice of ass after all

I'm sure you knew I meant in refrence to a girl...but I"m sure you are!










:rolleyes:
:rolleyes:

[alphaPAKI]

I'm sure you knew I meant in refrence to a girl...but I"m sure you are!










:rolleyes:
:rolleyes:
since when is a guy's chastity so meaningless in contrast to a woman's?

[EverBlazinGyal]

well a person with a past might be going for an arranged marriage just for that reason, to try and escape that past and start fresh

and some people are good chronic liars let me tell you, so dont think time is gonna be on your side, ive had some interesting experiences in that respect, where once someone gets what they want from you they can become totally different, even after long long periods of time

if that's the circumstance under which they're being arrange marriage-ed off then it can't be so bad cause they're willing to change so that potentially has a higher chance of working out

but yeah. exactly. people are :ugh:
i'm kinda :ugh: at arranged marriages for that exact reason. some people are just naturally charming. i don't wanna be trapped in a web of lies.

[musicchic33]

since when is a guy's chastity so meaningless in contrast to a woman's?

lol since always?...

[alphaPAKI]

if that's the circumstance under which they're being arrange marriage-ed off then it can't be so bad cause they're willing to change so that potentially has a higher chance of working out

but yeah. exactly. people are :ugh:
i'm kinda :ugh: at arranged marriages for that exact reason. some people are just naturally charming. i don't wanna be trapped in a web of lies.
good point

so whats your plan then, kidnapping?

[musicchic33]

if that's the circumstance under which they're being arrange marriage-ed off then it can't be so bad cause they're willing to change so that potentially has a higher chance of working out

but yeah. exactly. people are :ugh:
i'm kinda :ugh: at arranged marriages for that exact reason. some people are just naturally charming. i don't wanna be trapped in a web of lies.

hey behbeh :naughty:

[alphaPAKI]

lol since always?...
good thing i never bothered saving myself :cheers:

[musicchic33]

good thing i never bothered saving myself :cheers:

yeah, you're still a precious commodity w/out it...




the sarcasm in this thread is off the heazyyyy

[EverBlazinGyal]

good point

so whats your plan then, kidnapping?

there is no plan. i just want some nice muslim boy to discover me and then fall in love with me. kinda like this:

hey behbeh :naughty:


:naughty:

[musicchic33]

there is no plan. i just want some nice muslim boy to discover me and then fall in love with me. kinda like this:




:naughty:

pyaar :love:

[alphaPAKI]

yeah, you're still a precious commodity w/out it...




the sarcasm in this thread is off the heazyyyy
stop frontin, when it comes to pakis im as good as it gets and you know it

:Poke:

[alphaPAKI]

there is no plan. i just want some nice muslim boy to discover me and then fall in love with me. kinda like this:




:naughty:
looks like you're on top of your game :thumrigh:

[gorjuzkuri]

I f**kin agree

lolz EJACTLY

[bad_cheque]

when a person is a not a virgin, smokes, drinks, does drugs on occasion, basically has a not so scot free past? and disclosure might be an issue since parents are involved


im curious to see what peoples reactions are to this and whether thye think its right or wrong
It's good to disclose to the girl as early as possible, preferably before the engagement.

Anyway by stipulation, no arranged marriage would happen lol

[gorjuzkuri]

thats one way to look at it, but do you think your mom would be so understanding of the guy if he had a past?

i understand where your coming from...but thats fair isnt it? I dont tell you my past and you dont tell me yours. Now if you are wayyyy too concerned about it just tell the outline of your past. Nothing that can create problems for you. Because, i gurantee it i for one have been in relationships where i have told about my previous bf or something and that has only caused insecurities and problems. And, in marriages well then your husband has something to hold as a grudge against you, even in the smallest fights he will use it as a defense mechanism.

So for a happy life...you might as well realize this is like "aapne paao par khud khulaari marna!"

[alphaPAKI]

It's good to disclose to the girl as early as possible, preferably before the engagement.

Anyway by stipulation, no arranged marriage would happen lol
maybe arranged marriages should be done purely by looks

cause in any case, a good wife would keep her yap shut! :mad:

[alphaPAKI]

i understand where your coming from...but thats fair isnt it? I dont tell you my past and you dont tell me yours. Now if you are wayyyy too concerned about it just tell the outline of your past. Nothing that can create problems for you. Because, i gurantee it i for one have been in relationships where i have told about my previous bf or something and that has only caused insecurities and problems. And, in marriages well then your husband has something to hold as a grudge against you, even in the smallest fights he will use it as a defense mechanism.

So for a happy life...you might as well realize this is like "aapne paao par khud khulaari marna!"
alright well put yourself in these shoes

your partner did needle drugs, and had unprotected sex, his health is fine but by marrying you he put you at risk for whatever possible diseases he could have encountered, in that caase disclosure would be necessary as little as youd like to know, so where do you draw the line

[vgirl]

in my opinion, disclosure should be made before you are married, explaining that you were like this in the past and that you aren't anymore and why.
i mean, i would want to spend my life with someone who accepts me the way i am, not someone who wants me for what they think i am.
don't you think your partner might resent it if you didnt tell them the full truth before you were married? as if their right to an opinion was not even important?

[alphaPAKI]

in my opinion, disclosure should be made before you are married, explaining that you were like this in the past and that you aren't anymore and why.
i mean, i would want to spend my life with someone who accepts me the way i am, not someone who wants me for what they think i am.
don't you think your partner might resent it if you didnt tell them the full truth before you were married? as if their right to an opinion was not even important?
well what if they never found out, it wouldnt hurt them, so no resent


not only that, but since when do women have opinions? :sarb:

[gorjuzkuri]

alright well put yourself in these shoes

your partner did needle drugs, and had unprotected sex, his health is fine but by marrying you he put you at risk for whatever possible diseases he could have encountered, in that caase disclosure would be necessary as little as youd like to know, so where do you draw the line
haha i never said i wouldnt want to know.
HELL YAH IM GONNA FIND OUT! What do u think detectives are made for? lolz
ok no jokes apart...for me finding out is important...but i said that if it matters to my mate then he can ask me. If he doesnt have a concern in his mind then i dont need to volunteer to bring myself in the fire of hell.

[vgirl]

well what if they never found out, it wouldnt hurt them, so no resent

if they never found out then your marriage would be based on lies and non-disclosure. your partner would not know what makes you who you are. your past may be your past but it does shape in a way who you are. i would like to know these things

haha. all women have opinions

[dopekhor]

yeah mang, the P.I. had photos of her with him and ish :neutral: and even got his address where her mother paid his a visit..wasn't too pretty
shit liked that happened to cousin of mine, this girls parents came to his place and threatened what not

[bad_cheque]

maybe arranged marriages should be done purely by looks

cause in any case, a good wife would keep her yap shut! :mad:
They are not done purely by looks but things like community, class, status, money etc etc...

[musicchic33]

stop frontin, when it comes to pakis im as good as it gets and you know it

:Poke:

that's an insult to Pakis, y0






jk'izzle! <33

[Chronos]

you know, I hardly think most of the arranged marriages these days have either or both of the couple with clean sheets.

[musicchic33]

you know, I hardly think most of the arranged marriages these days have either or both of the couple with clean sheets.

It probably never was that way to begin with..

[HERCS]

how come arranged marriage still exist..parents shud know that kids these days r so opened, so trashy, low moral values...arranged marriage r not worth for them

[Chronos]

It probably never was that way to begin with..

heh yea I was about to say that too.

but all the same, these days more and more people are finally finding the means to leave their more conservative villages/towns to larger and more liberal urban areas in search for better jobs or livelihood. a side-result being that more people are getting easier access to, for lack of a better word, taboos that they previously had no or little means to indulge in before.

and believe it or not, I'm actually not pulling that out of my ass. it's happening in my family as we type!

[sunrize]

when a person is a not a virgin, smokes, drinks, does drugs on occasion, basically has a not so scot free past? and disclosure might be an issue since parents are involved


im curious to see what peoples reactions are to this and whether thye think its right or wrong
No.

[nmguy20]

I think the time has come for me to do it. :think:

[alphaPAKI]

that's an insult to Pakis, y0






jk'izzle! <33
:|
.

[alphaPAKI]

you know, I hardly think most of the arranged marriages these days have either or both of the couple with clean sheets.
the probability is next to impossible unless theyre both hideous losers

[alphaPAKI]

It probably never was that way to begin with..
cmaaaaan, back in the day it probably served its purpose more, people were more indoctrinated by fear via religion

[alphaPAKI]

how come arranged marriage still exist..parents shud know that kids these days r so opened, so trashy, low moral values...arranged marriage r not worth for them
probly just for that reason, these 'trashy' kids might be inept at making their own choices in terms of spouses so parents go on and do it for them

choice of spouse can have huge implications on future financial and career circumstances

[alphaPAKI]

No.
Yes!

[alphaPAKI]

I think the time has come for me to do it. :think:
Do it!!! :Poke:

[musicchic33]

heh yea I was about to say that too.

but all the same, these days more and more people are finally finding the means to leave their more conservative villages/towns to larger and more liberal urban areas in search for better jobs or livelihood. a side-result being that more people are getting easier access to, for lack of a better word, taboos that they previously had no or little means to indulge in before.

and believe it or not, I'm actually not pulling that out of my ass. it's happening in my family as we type!

W3rd, that makes sense.. My point was that back then, people were probably just better liars :google:

My family and yours both!

Well, not my immediate family..my famz is old skool, ni99a =\

[x_desigal_xx]

when the guy/girl's parents hide those facts from the potential groom or bride, then that's a problem. A major one. in any case, get to know the person and their lifestyle.

[FScott]

when a person is a not a virgin, smokes, drinks, does drugs on occasion, basically has a not so scot free past? and disclosure might be an issue since parents are involved


im curious to see what peoples reactions are to this and whether thye think its right or wrongi think if he reforms, it's ok.

[musicchic33]

cmaaaaan, back in the day it probably served its purpose more, people were more indoctrinated by fear via religion

Hoshposh, stop trying to sound smart...

Doesn't work well with you =\

[musicchic33]

:|
.

:bhapi: chup

[alphaPAKI]

i think if he reforms, it's ok.
what if he ends up having herpes or something though, cant reform that out

[alphaPAKI]

Hoshposh, stop trying to sound smart...

Doesn't work well with you =\
and using granny terms like 'hoshposh' really suits you :rolleyes:

[musicchic33]

and using granny terms like 'hoshposh' really suits you :rolleyes:
:neutral: