Question for all of you getting married at 26 or younger...

[DesiPrince005]

plz tell me....why are you getting married at such a young age???!!!!!!!!!!

btw..im NOT talking about arranged marriages, or marriages that are "slightly" arranged..whatever your parents want you to do..that is fine...if u have little choice...im not talking to you guys..

im talking to the guys and girls who are barely starting/finishing their Bacc. degree in college and they are already trying to get married to their "soulmate" or they are requesting for their parents to find them someone...

i dont know, unless your family is super rich and they can buy you ur own house and car...how can you afford taking on the responsibility of marriage?

i mean..i love going to my friends (who are sooo young to me) and family's elaborate shaadis that last a week and stuff :p ...but after all the "hysteria" dies down...how do u deal with the responsibility of taking care of a wife/husband and going to school...and buying a house????????????

Tell me...how r u guys doing it? What is ur secret??? Doesnt having all the responsibility scare you??????????????????????? :sarb: :sarb: :sarb:

[KhanNoonienSingh]

plz tell me....why are you getting married at such a young age???!!!!!!!!!!

btw..im NOT talking about arranged marriages, or marriages that are "slightly" arranged..whatever your parents want you to do..that is fine...if u have little choice...im not talking to you guys..

im talking to the guys and girls who are barely starting/finishing their Bacc. degree in college and they are already trying to get married to their "soulmate" or they are requesting for their parents to find them someone...

i dont know, unless your family is super rich and they can buy you ur own house and car...how can you afford taking on the responsibility of marriage?

i mean..i love going to my friends (who are sooo young to me) and family's elaborate shaddis that last a week and stuff :p ...but after all the "hysteria" dies down...how do u deal with the responisbility of taking care of a wife/husband and going to school...and buying a house????????????

Tell me...how r u guys doing it? What is ur secret??? Doesnt having all the responsibility scare you??????????????????????? :sarb: :sarb: :sarb:
they probably got money if they're doing it so early.

[=Surge=]

Marriage? No thanks. Dying institution + not for me. The novelty dies out after a few years and becomes more of a partnership for socio-economic reasons. Partnerships are fine and healthy aspects of human interaction, but I despise the concept of marriage unless you're hellbent on having a solid, prosperous family and you possess the right mindset. And please, chill with the kids. Our world is overpopulated and fucked as is.

[Parallax]

My brother got married at 24.. but then he was already one year into med school and his wife was a working journalist. They had been dating for seven years by then so waiting longer was sort of pointless. My parents and her parents helped buy them their house and they live on her salary (but our dad paid for his med school).

I can see waiting longer if you don't know the person yet.. but when you have been dating so long and knew you loved each other enough to get married a few years in.. going ahead is not a big deal. They are each 27 now and he has graduated med school and will soon be making nice cash as a radiologist.

[DesiPrince005]

they probably got money if they're doing it so early.


yeah..i mean i know alot of people who have money..and yeah they can do it..

but i also know alot of people who are "average"..say middle class or upper middle class....

i mean..yeah ur family can help alot..but some of the people that i know..
they are getting married and its not like their family can buy them a house and a car and everything they need

but they still do it..u know?
but the thing is they are both still in college...?

like i know a dude in med school...he is getting married to a girl back in pakistan..i mean that is great and all..but his family isnt super rich..
im just trying to understand how he is dealing with all of that stress :sarb:

[angelXeyes]

Maybe because they're horny and want to be good children and wait until after marriage??

[bewakoof]

call me gay.. but I do want to get married early and here is my reasoning..

25-30 is like the best time of your life..you have your head on your shoulders and you are responsible and still ready to take risk. .why not spend this time of you life with someone who you are going to live forever..

also I dont know if I want to marry a girl who is > 26 because she has matured, grown into her own self.. for her it would be very hard to compromise on things.. she will want things her way.. but if a girl is wee bit young she is more willing to adjust

[DesiPrince005]

My brother got married at 24.. but then he was already one year into med school and his wife was a working journalist. They had been dating for seven years by then so waiting longer was sort of pointless. My parents and her parents helped buy them their house and they live on her salary (but our dad paid for his med school).

I can see waiting longer if you don't know the person yet.. but when you have been dating so long and knew you loved each other enough to get married a few years in.. going ahead is not a big deal. They are each 27 now and he has graduated med school and will soon be making nice cash as a radiologist.


your right, i guess in some cases if you know that you will eventually be making alot of money then i guess there is no harm..
i just couldnt see myself all stressed out in medical school and have to worry about marriage and paying all those bills and studying and having quality time with my beloved wife..
but ur right..it has worked for many people..
but some people arent so lucky to have parents buy a 350,000 dollar house and take care of all of that...i dunno

[DesiPrince005]

Marriage? No thanks. Dying institution + not for me. The novelty dies out after a few years and becomes more of a partnership for socio-economic reasons. Partnerships are fine and healthy aspects of human interaction, but I despise the concept of marriage unless you're hellbent on having a solid, prosperous family and you possess the right mindset. And please, chill with the kids. Our world is overpopulated and fucked as is.


well...it can also depend greatly on ur outlook. When u get married you have to make sure that person is really compatible..and i dont just mean superficial things like...liking the same food or liking the same sports...
but knowing if that person is really marriage material..like if the girl is patience and kind. If the girl is trustworthy and honest. Does she like to spend or save money? Will she turn on you? Can u trust she will be there even when u expose ur flaws?

Just in general..being compatible in every area....personality..goals..outlook on life...

[=Surge=]

well...it can also depend greatly on ur outlook. When u get married you have to make sure that person is really compatible..and i dont just mean superficial things like...liking the same food or liking the same sports...
but knowing if that person is really marriage material..like if the girl is patience and kind. If the girl is trustworthy and honest. Does she like to spend or save money?

Just in general..being compatible in every area....personality..goals..outlook on life...


I can't get into this conversation, but good luck :thumleft:

[DesiPrince005]

call me gay.. but I do want to get married early and here is my reasoning..

25-30 is like the best time of your life..you have your head on your shoulders and you are responsible and still ready to take risk. .why not spend this time of you life with someone who you are going to live forever..

also I dont know if I want to marry a girl who is > 26 because she has matured, grown into her own self.. for her it would be very hard to compromise on things.. she will want things her way.. but if a girl is wee bit young she is more willing to adjust

u make some good points

i have no problem getting married at 24+..im just not sure ill be were i want to be financially..i want to be able to support my wife without any worries..

and to be honest..i would like a woman who has had at least some experience being out there in the real world...working and making a living for herself..the way she spends or saves her money can really tell me what she would be like once were married (same thing could be said about guys)

[DesiPrince005]

Maybe because they're horny and want to be good children and wait until after marriage??


hmm...i dont think so...

at least i would hope not, u cant be that desperate that u would be willing to get married just so u can experience an "adult" relationship! :p

im certainly am in no hurry..... :rolleyes:

[MiZz MiNi]

well idk about u other girls...but i know i wanna get married atleast by the time im 25 n thts bc i don't wanna have kids in my 30s n y should i wait to get married there is no point to waiting cept school n i can still do tht when im married

[DesiPrince005]

well idk about u other girls...but i know i wanna get married atleast by the time im 25 n thts bc i don't wanna have kids in my 30s n y should i wait to get married there is no point to waiting cept school n i can still do tht when im married


true true...

so does that mean ur going to marry someone a couple years older than you?...like 27 or 28 maybe?

does it matter to you if they are finished with school or not? Would you feel secure with that person...even if they arent making enough money to buy you a house and all those other things that usually comes with marriage?

do u feel that those things are not as important and that the two of you can eventually work towards that goal?


im curious because..in some ways i want to get married young..when i say young i mean 24..because i want to experience life with my other half...travel the world...do alot of things together...

but sometimes i worry about the reality of having everything settled..not just financially..but im worried i might not be emotionally ready..u know?

[jigga man23]

plz tell me....why are you getting married at such a young age???!!!!!!!!!!

btw..im NOT talking about arranged marriages, or marriages that are "slightly" arranged..whatever your parents want you to do..that is fine...if u have little choice...im not talking to you guys..

im talking to the guys and girls who are barely starting/finishing their Bacc. degree in college and they are already trying to get married to their "soulmate" or they are requesting for their parents to find them someone...

i dont know, unless your family is super rich and they can buy you ur own house and car...how can you afford taking on the responsibility of marriage?

i mean..i love going to my friends (who are sooo young to me) and family's elaborate shaadis that last a week and stuff :p ...but after all the "hysteria" dies down...how do u deal with the responsibility of taking care of a wife/husband and going to school...and buying a house????????????

Tell me...how r u guys doing it? What is ur secret??? Doesnt having all the responsibility scare you??????????????????????? :sarb: :sarb: :sarb:


Ok what if you graduated and have a good dtable job, than you have no excuse not to get married. Id take a wife over a girlfried any day!!

[Parallax]

your right, i guess in some cases if you know that you will eventually be making alot of money then i guess there is no harm..
i just couldnt see myself all stressed out in medical school and have to worry about marriage and paying all those bills and studying and having quality time with my beloved wife..
but ur right..it has worked for many people..
but some people arent so lucky to have parents buy a 350,000 dollar house and take care of all of that...i dunnoTheir house is a nice modest three bedroom for $140K. Now their next house in Philadelphia where he has his residency will be $350 - $400K but they will have to pay for it themselves. His professors and school (Duke) understood that he was married and for his rotations they made sure he got local hospitals. Duke also has a wierd program in which third year is all research so that gave him a lot of time. I think he had much less stress because he had someone at home that he could talk to when he was stressed. The fact that I also live in Durham and our parents aren't far off also helped him out.

No kids or anything yet... just a couple of dogs.

[MiZz MiNi]

true true...

so does that mean ur going to marry someone a couple years older than you?...like 27 or 28 maybe?

does it matter to you if they are finished with school or not? Would you feel secure with that person...even if they arent making enough money to buy you a house and all those other things that usually comes with marriage?

do u feel that those things are not as important and that the two of you can eventually work towards that goal?


im curious because..in some ways i want to get married young..when i say young i mean 24..because i want to experience life with my other half...travel the world...do alot of things together...

but sometimes i worry about the reality of having everything settled..not just financially..but im worried i might not be emotionally ready..u know?
yeah i would like to marry someone older than me...bc to tell u the truth financial stability is something tht matters a great deal...i do want my husband to be done with school n having some kind of money coming in but im not worried about being dependent on him bc im quite sure i will have my own income as well.

i want to get married when im young yes bc of kids but also bc i do wanna live with my significant other for a while just to experience life with just the two of us...if im not emotionally ready or the both of us are not financially stable then i won't rush to get married im willing to wait i would just prefer not to

[DesiPrince005]

Ok what if you graduated and have a good dtable job, than you have no excuse not to get married. Id take a wife over a girlfried any day!!


yeah, i would too..im not against marrying young...

but...MOST of us (not all) dont really have that dream job or really settled into our careers until our mid to late twenties..and if ur studying medicine or something..it would definately be late twenties...27+

i cant lie..im already stressed out with school and everything..im taking alot of test right now and im trying to get into graduate school...i couldnt manage trying to be in a full blown relationship and give all my attention to my future wife and stuff...


and i mean..it could just be my personality...when im set on something i am 100% dedicated to it..and i see the whole marriage process emotionally and physically draining..because i would want everything to go 100% perfect..

i guess my expectations are set too high..cause nothing is perfect

i actually would love to get married in the next 2 years...but there is no way it would happen because i want to finish most of my schooling (i plan to get my doctorate) and have enough money so i can really focus on those things and not be totally stressed out

i also dont have the luxury of having parents that would buy me a 350,000 dollar house and help support us...


im just trying to figure out u guys secret...those of u who do it??? does ur family really help u that much? Or is it the love???? The love that conqueres all!?!?! :p

[BoO bOo]

coz u cant find a cute hubby :gay:

[DesiPrince005]

Their house is a nice modest three bedroom for $140K. Now their next house in Philadelphia where he has his residency will be $350 - $400K but they will have to pay for it themselves. His professors and school (Duke) understood that he was married and for his rotations they made sure he got local hospitals. Duke also has a wierd program in which third year is all research so that gave him a lot of time. I think he had much less stress because he had someone at home that he could talk to when he was stressed. The fact that I also live in Durham and our parents aren't far off also helped him out.

No kids or anything yet... just a couple of dogs.


man..sounds like ur brother and ur sister in law are doing pretty well. Yeah, it depends what part of the country ur living in 350,000 in the new england (NY, Boston, etc) ur lucky if u can get a 3 bedroom..nice but modest house..in a place like houston..way down south you can get a 4+ bedroom in a gated neighborhood..

thats great though, that they dont have to struggle and ur family is there
i guess it can work out when ur set in a schedule
ur right about ur spouse being a support..
i guess i have been out of a relationship for so long i forgot what a true companionship can really do...
i mean...if u have a good wife or husband that is really there for you and supporting you..it makes things alot easier

[T.Dimera]

I'm 25 and not even close to getting married because I'm not even seriously dating anyone...that being said...my networth is increasing and my plan to retire by age 40...is becoming more of a reality...PS I ain't sayin she a golddigga...but she ain't messin with no broke.... :p

[DesiPrince005]

yeah i would like to marry someone older than me...bc to tell u the truth financial stability is something tht matters a great deal...i do want my husband to be done with school n having some kind of money coming in but im not worried about being dependent on him bc im quite sure i will have my own income as well.

i want to get married when im young yes bc of kids but also bc i do wanna live with my significant other for a while just to experience life with just the two of us...if im not emotionally ready or the both of us are not financially stable then i won't rush to get married im willing to wait i would just prefer not to


yeah, i mean i figure it is harder for a girl to get married to a guy knowng that he isnt financially able to take care of her..
i am not saying that a woman should be sponging off of her husband...but its generally accepted that a man should be able to "provide" for his wife..
some girls i see getting married to guys..and the guys are nowhere near financially stable...im just curiious to know how they are getting by...?

but glad to hear ur side....it makes sense what u say.,.about wanting to get married sooner...but knowing that u have to make a responsible decision about the right time..

well...i hope ur dreamz come true and the guy u meet is sincere and loves u can he is financially able to take care his responsiblities :grouphug:

[jigga man23]

yeah, i would too..im not against marrying young...

but...MOST of us (not all) dont really have that dream job or really settled into our careers until our mid to late twenties..and if ur studying medicine or something..it would definately be late twenties...27+

i cant lie..im already stressed out with school and everything..im taking alot of test right now and im trying to get into graduate school...i couldnt manage trying to be in a full blown relationship and give all my attention to my future wife and stuff...


and i mean..it could just be my personality...when im set on something i am 100% dedicated to it..and i see the whole marriage process emotionally and physically draining..because i would want everything to go 100% perfect..

i guess my expectations are set too high..cause nothing is perfect

i actually would love to get married in the next 2 years...but there is no way it would happen because i want to finish most of my schooling (i plan to get my doctorate) and have enough money so i can really focus on those things and not be totally stressed out

i also dont have the luxury of having parents that would buy me a 350,000 dollar house and help support us...


im just trying to figure out u guys secret...those of u who do it??? does ur family really help u that much? Or is it the love???? The love that conqueres all!?!?! :p


Bro I see your situation, you don't have to have a 350,000 house, just rent one for now. All I can tell you is that it will build character, and you'll learn to be more responsible. You can't never be too young, just don't be scared.

[SarcasmicBengali]

Marriage? No thanks. Dying institution + not for me. The novelty dies out after a few years and becomes more of a partnership for socio-economic reasons. Partnerships are fine and healthy aspects of human interaction, but I despise the concept of marriage unless you're hellbent on having a solid, prosperous family and you possess the right mindset. And please, chill with the kids. Our world is overpopulated and fucked as is.

:applause:!!!
well put...

[DesiPrince005]

Bro I see your situation, you don't have to have a 350,000 house, just rent one for now. All I can tell you is that it will build character, and you'll learn to be more responsible. You can't never be too young, just don't be scared.


lol...man i think u hit my weak spot :sarb:

i think ur right...i am a big fat coward..im so cautious with everything i do and i have to be literally pushed into taking a serious risk...i had some bad experiences with led me to be less optimistic..which i reget letting it get to me so much

I guess there are ways to get around it..renting a house isnt so bad..and i know it doesnt have to be a 350,000 starter home...

it just seems like it is so much to handle

u sound like my older brother "character building" :p

no seriously, ur 200% right about that
i guess i need to realize that everything isnt simple and easy and that i might have to struggle a bit to get where i want to go

i guess im a little afraid of failure..esp when it comes to marriage and family

im not like most dudes..i dont play the field..i dont mess around
im just looking for a good person to spend my life with....
i really want to treasure that...and i dont want to mess things up by jumping too quickly..
i dunno..i have to think about what u said though...

[DesiPrince005]

I'm 25 and not even close to getting married because I'm not even seriously dating anyone...that being said...my networth is increasing and my plan to retire by age 40...is becoming more of a reality...PS I ain't sayin she a golddigga...but she ain't messin with no broke.... :p

yeah..i mean not everybody is ready to get married so its cool that ur focused on ur career and stuff..at least u know what is important for u right now..so u have time to get serious about a wife later on..

[SarcasmicBengali]

u make some good points

i have no problem getting married at 24+..im just not sure ill be were i want to be financially..i want to be able to support my wife without any worries..

and to be honest..i would like a woman who has had at least some experience being out there in the real world...working and making a living for herself..the way she spends or saves her money can really tell me what she would be like once were married (same thing could be said about guys)

exactly... thats de shit dat matters once u get past all the emotional connection, and the love and the attraction and etc...

i'm living w/ my gf right now, and it wasn't a ' i love you, lets live together b4 marriage ' kind of a thing.
we were both plannin on moving out of our parents home, were financialy secure enuff to do so, and since we are both in a mature relationship w/ each other we moved in together...

we have no intentions of gettin married, cuz we take our relationship one month at a time (well now its more like a cpl of months at a time :p) cuz i'm just starting to do what i wanna do w/ the rest of my life in terms of career, and shes on her way as well... so marriage is the last thing on our minds... yet its still a long-term relationship

the way we see it is... why plan for 10 yrs in the future together, when we don't even know where we'll be 10 years in the future individually...

[SarcasmicBengali]

I'm 25 and not even close to getting married because I'm not even seriously dating anyone...that being said...my networth is increasing and my plan to retire by age 40...is becoming more of a reality...PS I ain't sayin she a golddigga...but she ain't messin with no broke.... :p

lol...
i always love dis dude's posts... :p

[jigga man23]

lol...man i think u hit my weak spot :sarb:

i think ur right...i am a big fat coward..im so cautious with everything i do and i have to be literally pushed into taking a serious risk...i had some bad experiences with led me to be less optimistic..which i reget letting it get to me so much

I guess there are ways to get around it..renting a house isnt so bad..and i know it doesnt have to be a 350,000 starter home...

it just seems like it is so much to handle

u sound like my older brother "character building" :p

no seriously, ur 200% right about that
i guess i need to realize that everything isnt simple and easy and that i might have to struggle a bit to get where i want to go

i guess im a little afraid of failure..esp when it comes to marriage and family

im not like most dudes..i dont play the field..i dont mess around
im just looking for a good person to spend my life with....
i really want to treasure that...and i dont want to mess things up by jumping too quickly..
i dunno..i have to think about what u said though...


I know this becauseI;m the same way,this is because it is how we operate, specially when you want everything perfect. The only way of breaking it by simply just do it! Me in December!!

[DesiPrince005]

exactly... thats de shit dat matters once u get past all the emotional connection, and the love and the attraction and etc...

i'm living w/ my gf right now, and it wasn't a ' i love you, lets live together b4 marriage ' kind of a thing.
we were both plannin on moving out of our parents home, were financialy secure enuff to do so, and since we are both in a mature relationship w/ each other we moved in together...

we have no intentions of gettin married, cuz we take our relationship one month at a time (well now its more like a cpl of months at a time :p) cuz i'm just starting to do what i wanna do w/ the rest of my life in terms of career, and shes on her way as well... so marriage is the last thing on our minds... yet its still a long-term relationship

the way we see it is... why plan for 10 yrs in the future together, when we don't even know where we'll be 10 years in the future individually...

yeah, i know it must be hard sometimes living with someone you love but working together independently (i dunno if that made sense)...ur getting some experiences that most of us dont really know....but like u said..u have to live one day at a time...and u have so much ur trying to focus on...getting ur career and finances in order is one of the most stressful things (at least for me)

i guess being in that situation can really mature you..it will either break you..or make u tougher..after living through the experience..u know what it takes to get by

and i know finances is so important....for me at least..its not so much how much money u have,..its how u choose to spend it...

i just want to make sure im with a person that can really understand these things...i know marriage isnt like a bollywood movie....real world with real responsibilities...its going to eventually come down to the two of you..and how far ur willing to stretch to make it work...

[DesiPrince005]

I know this becauseI;m the same way,this is because it is how we operate, specially when you want everything perfect. The only way of breaking it by simply just do it! Me in December!!
lol..ur right...

ill try..i cant promise ill make big leaps..
but its about time i make some changes in my life
i always play it safe..and have noticed that i could have been alot farther if i would have just take on certain challenges and just faced them instead of thinking, "i can do that later..after i finish this..."....

i know....im not giving myself a chance

[Ac89]

forget marriage...i just want a gf that will last for more than 1 year... :p

But i can understand why someone might want to get married early. First, with all these breakups happening right left and centre..it's just stupid...and yes marriages break apart...but they take mcuh longer...and there's more reason for someone to fight for a marriage than a relationship...
second, why not get married early? Then there's none of that dating thing...or having to worry about stupid shit liek dates and crap...after you're married. Strictly work/school...

[DesiPrince005]

forget marriage...i just want a gf that will last for more than 1 year... :p

But i can understand why someone might want to get married early. First, with all these breakups happening right left and centre..it's just stupid...and yes marriages break apart...but they take mcuh longer...and there's more reason for someone to fight for a marriage than a relationship...
second, why not get married early? Then there's none of that dating thing...or having to worry about stupid shit liek dates and crap...after you're married. Strictly work/school...


well for me....even without the other things like work and school..

im having a hard time finding the right person...

its not really that simple... i really want to share many of my same passions with my partner...well some of the passions i have..are not easily found

i wouldnt mind living in a "developing" country in Africa or Latin America..working with organizations or establishing my own non-profit organization to help people living in the worse conditions around the world (ie..siddis and people lower than sudra "untouchables")

[Ac89]

well for me....even without the other things like work and school..

im having a hard time finding the right person...

its not really that simple... i really want to share many of my same passions with my partner...i know what oyu mean...finding someone that's worth dating is hard enough as it is. I've known people that have met in highschool and are still together...some 6-8 years later...how they did it i honestly wish i knew...maybe that was what was written for them....who knows right??

but i don't like the concept of dating a bunch of random people until you find someone worth sticking around long enough....especially these days where it seems more of the good brown girls seem to be too caught up either trying to get attention or white washing themselves and ultimately destryoing whatever good was left in them .... w/e... u jsut got to wait for your time....and have faith that it will come *i'm having a hard time believeing this right now...so feel free to ignore this post*

[PreciousPari]

I don't think its the age, its the maturity and responsiblity one has to gain to be ready for marriage. Sometimes I don't get why these young desi girls get married so fast, especially if they have a choice not to. I know of some girls that ONLY think about marriage and nothing else. And once things don't work out, they come running back to the folks. Pretty sad. I wouldn't want to be dependent on my husband in case things didn't work out. I wouldn't have anything to fall back on.
Then you have the old fashioned folks who marry off their daughters between the ages of 18-21 to a 30 year old! :no: I mean whats the rush? Thank God I waited. I have no regrets. Im going to get married when Im 26 or 27.

[Ac89]

i wouldnt mind living in a "developing" country in Africa or Latin America..working with organizations or establishing my own non-profit organization to help people living in the worse conditions around the world (ie..siddis and people lower than sudra "untouchables")why do u want to do this??

you have to have a good reason to do this...free of wanting something in return...i think...only then can you be successful.

[DesiPrince005]

why do u want to do this??

you have to have a good reason to do this...free of wanting something in return...i think...only then can you be successful.


no..i dont want anything in return (i mean...what could i possibly expect?)

i just always had a passion for this..because ive always seen poverty as something that nobody really deserves...it bothers me that sometimes we are born into a certain place in society and we think that we are "better" when in reality we could have been born anywhere..we dont have control of our fate..

in alot of countries in the world... there are people who dont have the opportunity to really change their life situation..not because they arent smart or capable...but because the system sometimes is designed to keep many people in poverty...
or simply...people just dont care..and it really eats me up..because i dont think anyone is inherently "better" than anyone else...
its really sickening when u see really beautiful children having to live in dumpsters and below ground in sewage pits..i mean..nobody should have to live like that...
i dunno...it just puts life into perspective..
i can be a really selfish person at times....but i know its just my stupidity because the things i go through doesnt compare..
and the amazing thing is...some people who live in the "worse of worst" conditions actually know how to appreciate life better

[Mav]

I just dont think anyone, regardless of gender, should get married, unless he or she has had some practical experiences of life. By practical exp, i mean to take care of his own responsibilities by himself for few years, get education and plan rest of his life. Only then, he will know, what will be the possible good and bad aftermath of marriage........and can easily adjust them....

If there is a mate, who is also mature enough to help adjust the good and bad, understand and can commit to continue forever, slower or faster, then you can get married to the person.

before 25, it doesnt feel like, all these understandings are there...

[SarcasmicBengali]

yeah, i know it must be hard sometimes living with someone you love but working together independently (i dunno if that made sense)...ur getting some experiences that most of us dont really know....but like u said..u have to live one day at a time...and u have so much ur trying to focus on...getting ur career and finances in order is one of the most stressful things (at least for me)

i guess being in that situation can really mature you..it will either break you..or make u tougher..after living through the experience..u know what it takes to get by

and i know finances is so important....for me at least..its not so much how much money u have,..its how u choose to spend it...

i just want to make sure im with a person that can really understand these things...i know marriage isnt like a bollywood movie....real world with real responsibilities...its going to eventually come down to the two of you..and how far ur willing to stretch to make it work...

well its not too hard for us, i mean b4 we lived together we lived in diff cities, but still made time to see each other and things were good... and we're in two totaly different fields... so there's a lotta support from one another in terms of being there and stuff u know?

and it does mature de hell outta u... i mean a yr b4 i moved out i was a lazy fuck, and now, 1.5 yrs later i'm holding down 3 jobs while going to school full time (not in de summer of course :p) and trying to jump start a career... and i'm fuckin loving it!

and i dunt give a shit bout money either, otherwise i wudnt be gettin into an industry where i'll have to struggle for yrs till my hard work pays off... which is why i'm just workin my ass off now just to be able to support my end of the bills... cuz even tho she makes nuff for both of us, and has no problems supportin me (shes the bread winner of de fam :ashamed: lol...:p) i still try to make sure she doesnt have to and that financialy my end is held up and i do my part... u know? works bttr that way....

thats the thing most ppl dunt realize dat falling in love, or if ur partner is caring, nice and loving doesnt mean ur financial idealogies will mix, or ur way of supporting a household will be one that workds...

if one person is an impulsive person who spends money when they have it (not in a bad way but just likes to live life) while the other person likes to save money and is practical... that doesnt mean they aren't compatible, it just means that there's gonna be problems w/ those 2 ppl running a household together....

[DesiPrince005]

I just dont think anyone, regardless of gender, should get married, unless he or she has had some practical experiences of life. By practical exp, i mean to take care of his own responsibilities by himself for few years, get education and plan rest of his life. Only then, he will know, what will be the possible good and bad aftermath of marriage........and can easily adjust them....

If there is a mate, who is also mature enough to help adjust the good and bad, understand and can commit to continue forever, slower or faster, then you can get married to the person.

before 25, it doesnt feel like, all these understandings are there...


yeah..ur right about that

for me..i think it is a combination of things..im probably not ready

but i also know...that im too cautious about making decisions which hinder me from getting further along in my goals...

until i learn to take responsibilities and really make things happen on my own..i might feel more confident in myself to handle a relationship..
thats why i probably havent met the right person....
i cant really be a pillar of support for someone else..if i am so scared and passive in my own life... :neutral:

[Mav]

yeah..ur right about that

for me..i think it is a combination of things..im probably not ready

but i also know...that im too cautious about making decisions which hinder me from getting further along in my goals...

until i learn to take responsibilities and really make things happen on my own..i might feel more confident in myself to handle a relationship..
thats why i probably havent met the right person....
i cant really be a pillar of support for someone else..if i am so scared and passive in my own life... :neutral:

I wud say the best way to learn responsibilities is to live by urself, work and support. U need to invest time in such lifestyle too and then you will know - what kind of lady you want.

One might have all the money and find some ladies willing to marry - but if he isnt been through real life train, he will most probably choose the wrong person to marry. A real mate will be ready for anything, with experience from past and dreams for future.

[DesiPrince005]

well its not too hard for us, i mean b4 we lived together we lived in diff cities, but still made time to see each other and things were good... and we're in two totaly different fields... so there's a lotta support from one another in terms of being there and stuff u know?

and it does mature de hell outta u... i mean a yr b4 i moved out i was a lazy fuck, and now, 1.5 yrs later i'm holding down 3 jobs while going to school full time (not in de summer of course :p) and trying to jump start a career... and i'm fuckin loving it!

and i dunt give a shit bout money either, otherwise i wudnt be gettin into an industry where i'll have to struggle for yrs till my hard work pays off... which is why i'm just workin my ass off now just to be able to support my end of the bills... cuz even tho she makes nuff for both of us, and has no problems supportin me (shes the bread winner of de fam :ashamed: lol...:p) i still try to make sure she doesnt have to and that financialy my end is held up and i do my part... u know? works bttr that way....

thats the thing most ppl dunt realize dat falling in love, or if ur partner is caring, nice and loving doesnt mean ur financial idealogies will mix, or ur way of supporting a household will be one that workds...

if one person is an impulsive person who spends money when they have it (not in a bad way but just likes to live life) while the other person likes to save money and is practical... that doesnt mean they aren't compatible, it just means that there's gonna be problems w/ those 2 ppl running a household together....
yeah..i sure ur girlfriend really appreciates ur dedication to following through on ur part..some guys would just take that opportunity to let her pay for some of the things so it would be easier...but it takes alot of strength to know that even though she is capable of doing it...u already know that its something that u need to do....and u work extra hard to get it done..
man..at least u know by ur own determination u can do what u set ur mind to...thats encouraging..i really appreciate it...

and yeah..i guess when i said that i dont want us to be on different financial tracks....is because ive seen young couples..whether on TV or in real life havea real problem with money and spending too much because they want to live life like they are making 250,000 a year salary when they are actually making 50,000....

i know..for everybody that is different..we all have things that we like to have..i dont think u should let go of wanting nice things..especially when u work hard..u deserve it! I just dont want to marry someone who likes to wear Banana republic and Gucci and spend 1000 dollars every week..or expensive hobbies that cost more money than we can handle....

i know im thinking waaaaay too far into the future...ur right..there will always be a compromise...
i guess when i meet that person i should know before i marry them what there habits are and if they have extravagant spending.....maybe im worried about something that will never happen

[DesiPrince005]

I wud say the best way to learn responsibilities is to live by urself, work and support. U need to invest time in such lifestyle too and then you will know - what kind of lady you want.

One might have all the money and find some ladies willing to marry - but if he isnt been through real life train, he will most probably choose the wrong person to marry. A real mate will be ready for anything, with experience from past and dreams for future.


man....yeah thanks for all the great advice
i really didnt expect so many responses from everyone..i feel am going to use the advice given

im going to sleep now cuz i have to be awake in 4 hours

i just wanted to respond back so u know....

but yeah..ill definately work on getting myself situated..i know that certain things need to be done...which may be hard but will help me more than it will hurt..but at least having that experience will help me know what i am looking for..and recognize it so much better

[SarcasmicBengali]

yeah..i sure ur girlfriend really appreciates ur dedication to following through on ur part..some guys would just take that opportunity to let her pay for some of the things so it would be easier...but it takes alot of strength to know that even though she is capable of doing it...u already know that its something that u need to do....and u work extra hard to get it done..
man..at least u know by ur own determination u can do what u set ur mind to...thats encouraging..i really appreciate it...

and yeah..i guess when i said that i dont want us to be on different financial tracks....is because ive seen young couples..whether on TV or in real life havea real problem with money and spending too much because they want to live life like they are making 250,000 a year salary when they are actually making 50,000....

i know..for everybody that is different..we all have things that we like to have..i dont think u should let go of wanting nice things..especially when u work hard..u deserve it! I just dont want to marry someone who likes to wear Banana republic and Gucci and spend 1000 dollars every week..or expensive hobbies that cost more money than we can handle....

i know im thinking waaaaay too far into the future...ur right..there will always be a compromise...
i guess when i meet that person i should know before i marry them what there habits are and if they have extravagant spending.....maybe im worried about something that will never happen

i know exactly wat ur saying...
the best advice i could give you man... and i've told a lotta ppl this, but most ppl are really lonely or misguided to give heed.... but ur mature enough to actualy understand this...

i've been in relationships where we've planned out the next 10 yrs, after marriage, blah blah blah... and they've all FAILED miserably... and those have all been girls of the same culture, same age, same religion and all the other bullshit parents and society cares bout when ur brown...

i'm in a relationship now w/ a girl of a diff country (still desi :p), diff religion (even tho neither one of us practises) diff culture, and is almost 2 yrs older than me... yet its my longest and most fulfiling relationship... and the only diff in the way i'm living it, is that i HAVENT planned out the rest of my life with her...

so the best thing i would say for u to do is live YOUR life, plan out YOUR future... and then when you're sure of what YOU want, then you can actualy think about what kind of girl will fit into your life... and obviously shit wont work that way, cuz no girl will work around YOUR life :p... but its a start...
after you've figured that out, when u meet a girl and it starts going somewhere u'll know after a while whether its gonna end up being long-term or not, if u fit in her future plans and if she fits into urs... if not, you move on and continue living your life till u meet someone else....

too many ppl make the 'meeting someone' a priority when they dunt even have other shit fixed... they depend on the marryin someone and settling down aspect of their lives to make better or null out the rest... when the key (in my experience anyways) is to know yourself and know your life, before u start lookin for someone to make a part of your life or become a part of theirs... u know?

[DesiPrince005]

i know exactly wat ur saying...
the best advice i could give you man... and i've told a lotta ppl this, but most ppl are really lonely or misguided to give heed.... but ur mature enough to actualy understand this...

i've been in relationships where we've planned out the next 10 yrs, after marriage, blah blah blah... and they've all FAILED miserably... and those have all been girls of the same culture, same age, same religion and all the other bullshit parents and society cares bout when ur brown...

i'm in a relationship now w/ a girl of a diff country (still desi :p), diff religion (even tho neither one of us practises) diff culture, and is almost 2 yrs older than me... yet its my longest and most fulfiling relationship... and the only diff in the way i'm living it, is that i HAVENT planned out the rest of my life with her...

so the best thing i would say for u to do is live YOUR life, plan out YOUR future... and then when you're sure of what YOU want, then you can actualy think about what kind of girl will fit into your life... and obviously shit wont work that way, cuz no girl will work around YOUR life :p... but its a start...
after you've figured that out, when u meet a girl and it starts going somewhere u'll know after a while whether its gonna end up being long-term or not, if u fit in her future plans and if she fits into urs... if not, you move on and continue living your life till u meet someone else....

too many ppl make the 'meeting someone' a priority when they dunt even have other shit fixed... they depend on the marryin someone and settling down aspect of their lives to make better or null out the rest... when the key (in my experience anyways) is to know yourself and know your life, before u start lookin for someone to make a part of your life or become a part of theirs... u know?


so true...
I know parents want the best for their child...i think in desi culture, having those family and community connections are essential to them...they want to have a good face for everyone to see because it is crucial for them to "fit in"....Back in India and Pakistan (or wherever)..your life centered around that family/community connection..it was ur livelihood..and it still is for most of our families..there is a certain warmth u can have when ur around people that understand who u are and where u came from....

but i think its important for those connections to be genuine..or else u get the gossip, the jealously and the backbiting that u see happen sometimes....i would rather live my live without putting on a face..and have people accept me for the person i am...not who they want me to be....

i dunno..but its different for everyone..
but i agree with you...i am that type of person...i have to develop into my own...or else i know i wont find that true compatibility....

there is nothing better than someone who likes u for who u are...
and confidence is so important..whether u a guy or a girl..if ur secure in who u are, u can easily attract someone who is like minded..cause they will recognize u at a distance...
ur so right....

[SarcasmicBengali]

so true...
I know parents want the best for their child...i think in desi culture, having those family and community connections are essential to them...they want to have a good face for everyone to see because it is crucial for them to "fit in"....Back in India and Pakistan (or wherever)..your life centered around that family/community connection..it was ur livelihood..and it still is for most of our families..there is a certain warmth u can have when ur around people that understand who u are and where u came from....

but i think its important for those connections to be genuine..or else u get the gossip, the jealously and the backbiting that u see happen sometimes....i would rather live my live without putting on a face..and have people accept me for the person i am...not who they want me to be....

i dunno..but its different for everyone..
but i agree with you...i am that type of person...i have to develop into my own...or else i know i wont find that true compatibility....

there is nothing better than someone who likes u for who u are...
and confidence is so important..whether u a guy or a girl..if ur secure in who u are, u can easily attract someone who is like minded..cause they will recognize u at a distance...
ur so right....

i guess thats where i'm diff... moving to canada kinda separated me from all my family... its just my mom and sis here, plus my dad is very liberal in terms of encouraging individual thought and ideas and etc... my mom too, to an extent... buy my immediate family are the most conservative, religious and narrow minded ppl ever... i mean i love em all, but thats how they are...

and in terms of connections to society, the bengali community here have kinda screwed w/ my mom a bit, in terms of rumours, and back stabbing and etc etc... just cuz she was a single mom all dat bull shit... so i'm not dat connected w/ de community....and thats kinda make me become someone who cud give two shits about wat someone things... if ya like me, then u know me... if u hate me, then i'm sure you don't know me... but even if u do, then hate me all u want, i'm not gonna go outta my way to make u like me... and if u hate me based on shit you've heard and ur gonna take dat at face value then ur not worth me tryin to clear up ur misunderstanding... i've got my frnds and well wishers and i'm happy with that and thats all i need...

i guess it all depends on ur priorities, i'm content w/ the connections to the community and my frnds and etc that i have now, so i'm satisfied... like you said, if ppl cant accept me for who i am, then thats not something i need to concern myself with, i'm gonna be myself and dunt need to explain how i am to anyone... as long as you're confident and secure with who you are then thats all that matters... and that'll help u get thru almost all of life's shit.. :p

[T.Dimera]

Most of my friends are either married, engaged, or about to be engaged....so over the past year its been a little challanging hooking up with friends who are at the same stage in life as me. I still like to go out with friends but as they begin to settle down...they have other priorities that become more important.

If I met the right girl, sure I could easily set things up...but I'm not going to settle on any girl just to say I have one...I've got to much going for me to do that.

[Ac89]

no..i dont want anything in return (i mean...what could i possibly expect?)

i just always had a passion for this..because ive always seen poverty as something that nobody really deserves...it bothers me that sometimes we are born into a certain place in society and we think that we are "better" when in reality we could have been born anywhere..we dont have control of our fate..

in alot of countries in the world... there are people who dont have the opportunity to really change their life situation..not because they arent smart or capable...but because the system sometimes is designed to keep many people in poverty...
or simply...people just dont care..and it really eats me up..because i dont think anyone is inherently "better" than anyone else...
its really sickening when u see really beautiful children having to live in dumpsters and below ground in sewage pits..i mean..nobody should have to live like that...
i dunno...it just puts life into perspective..
i can be a really selfish person at times....but i know its just my stupidity because the things i go through doesnt compare..
and the amazing thing is...some people who live in the "worse of worst" conditions actually know how to appreciate life bettervery well said and if your actions represent these words then good for you! It's sad but there are not many peopel that are like yourself...or have the same way of thinking as you portray.
:applause:

[SexyTemptress]

i dont get what the rush is. as soon as ppl get a stable job that pays well they run off and get married. i mean dont u want to live it up and spend the money and party a little. dont ppl liek the feeling of not having to depend on parents financially and getting a taste of independence by living on their own? i mean when i graduated and got a job, all i wanted to do was enjoy the money i was making and live it up. if i got married right away i would have been so depressed i would have killed myself. i wasn't ready for that kind of responsibility.