MrCanuck
March 22nd, 2006, 01:58 AM
Disclaimer: I AM NOT A RACIST. I just happen to stumble into a site (http://www.funfreepages.com/text/how_to_be_a_******.php) and happen to find this shit hilarious. Everything below is copy/pasted and does not necesserily reflect on my personal opinion.
Enjoy!
P.S.: I just realized the N-word is being censored and I will not copy them each time out at the risk of getting banned. But I am sure y'all know what that word is. It rymes with digger.
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How to be a ******
- Slink around, shuffling your feet and bobbing your neck like the lazy retard
you are.
- Walk down the middle of the street because you don't know what a sidewalk is
for.
- Hang out at carwashes and mini-marts because everybody knows these are the
best places to be a dope, I mean dope.
- If you're a ****** bitch, shit three ****** babies into the world before 17
years of age. This assures that welfare money will support you, so your
****** men have more time to commit crimes. Oh yes, make sure each ******
baby has a different father.
- Bastardize the English language in the name of ****** culture. Make sure
that several terms have multiple meanings and others have ambiguous meanings
and that only 50% of ****** words are even complete words. Real ******s will
know what you're trying to say.
- As a culture, make sure there are always more bucks in prison than in
college at any given time.
- Hang out in packs of 10 to 15 and make sure everyone acts as annoying as
possible. This helps to promote ****** individuality.
- Always talk loud enough so everyone in the 'hood' can fucking hear you, and
if they are ******s, they will know what your saying, bro.
- Wear clothes that are 10 sizes too big, making sure the pants hang off your
ass. Also huge pants facilitate stealing (let me translate that: "it be
easier to lift dat 'box at the Kmart, homes"). If you have to hold them up
while you walk, it only looks badder.
- Park at least 5 junk cars in your yard while being careful not to use the
driveway. It's OK to abandon them in the street as long as it's in front of
someone else's crib.
- Exaggerate every motion, every tonal inflection and grab your dick a lot.
Have red carpet, blue walls, brass and overstuffed furnishings (all rented),
purple bathrooms and keep all windows covered so that no light can enter and
no cops can see in while you...
- Do drugs, sell drugs, make drugs.
- Turn your backyard into a junk yard. If you don't have a backyard, turn
your mother's into a junk yard. Eliminate every blade of grass.
- Travel around leaching off relatives, friends, salvation armies. Abandon
your children with them also.
- Smack your kids and yell at them a lot. Make them feel less than human and
that they have no future, which they don't because they're ******s like you.
- Drink cheap wine and malt liquor every day, forgetting that "malt liquor" is
just fortified cheap beer.
- If you're a ****** buck: fuck anything that moves, no matter how ugly she is.
After two eight-balls, even the ugliest, fattest ****** bitch will look good.
- Be charitable and covet fat, ugly white chicks. After all, they're ******s
too. They can't help being so undesirable to white men that they have to
fraternize with black dudes on a 20/20 trip. And white ho's are a special
trophy too, especially the not so ugly ones.
- Spray paint everything in sight with scribbles that mean nothing to White
people but mean things to fellow ******s (except ******s from another hood
who will probably try to kill you for tresspassing on their turf)
- Use the term "motherfucker" in every sentence. It's one of the most
versatile words in the ****** language, being a noun, verb, adjective and
complete mini-sentence in event you run out of thoughts.
- Stop in the middle of the street, blocking all traffic to converse with
fellow ******s and have complete disregard for everyone else.
- Delay everybody at the checkouts while you and 3 other dudes fumble around
for the $1.42 for the bottle of Magnum.
- Clog isles at Kmart with strollers, bastard kids and your fat selves. If
you're a cashier, never look at or be cordial to a customer and always talk
to other ******s while you ring up the customer.
- Overcharge customers at Taco Bell and pocket the difference.
- Drive your car while slouched so low that you can barely see over the wheel
(gangsta drivin').
- Get a job under affirmative action. Then sit around all day pretending that
you earned the position and that the other co-workers respect you. Whenever
you fuck up, scream "racism!" & hope you get enough Generation X liberals
in the jury.
- Never, I mean NEVER, take any responsibility for your actions. Always blame
others including Asians, Latinos, Mexicans, and especially Whites for your
sorry ass stupid lives.
- Advertise your "nation" (gang) with a bewildering array of colors that mean
nothing to any one but other nig's. Oh yes, if another nig violates your
"nation" i.e. garbage strewn empty lots and burned out tenements, shoot
their ass.
- Look for identity in murderous criminal gangs when you can't find it in
broken ****** homes because your mother was a 15 year old cokewhore and your
father is in jail doing 5 to 15 for pistol whipping a mini-mart cashier.
- Be all concerned with east/west connections, cellular phones, beepers, drive
by's and other trivial bullshit that Whites will never understand anything
about (what's to understand?)
- Lament ghetto gang life while at the same time...
- Listen to rap "music", which glorifies "gangsta" life, crime, drugs, murder,
early death, oppression of women. Rip off other legit music to fabricate rap
music which probably takes an engineering degree to "write" (because of the
technical know-how to operate the machines) while not requiring any music
talent at all. Then get some young criminal scum to perform it, after
changing his name to something stupid like Snoopy Dog. Spell the name of the
group with phonetics and use a number in it because nig's really like that.
At least rap is an opportunity, e.g. for young black criminals to further
their criminal careers. Rap needs only four things to be successful:
a producer, a promoter, a front-man flunky, and MTV to shove it down our
throats. Be sure to say absolutely nothing important during the 5 pages of
dialogue in a given rap joint other than "look at how much of a ****** I can
be." Then roll a joint in the joint and think about the joint while stylin'
to the joint.
- Show other lame-ass races the black race is unique by having a
culture/lifestyle that results in diseases/poverty/birth rates for blacks
consistently rising while it falls for the others.
- Fear and loathing of dogs is set in the genes for nig's. Of course bigotry
against blacks is set into the genes of dogs. So be sure to get a dog, tie
it up in the cold and mud and neglect it until it dies. Then start all over
again.
- Always have ten excuses involving hospitals for why you can't pay your
bill. When or if you finally settle up, pull out a big wad of bills out of
the welfare check to do it. Cash must be used because you long ago fucked
up your credit and checking account.
- Cram 5 generations into a two room government apartment and still be able to
neglect your kids.
- Die young. The #1 cause of death for ****** males between 15 and 30 is
murder.
Enjoy!
P.S.: I just realized the N-word is being censored and I will not copy them each time out at the risk of getting banned. But I am sure y'all know what that word is. It rymes with digger.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
How to be a ******
- Slink around, shuffling your feet and bobbing your neck like the lazy retard
you are.
- Walk down the middle of the street because you don't know what a sidewalk is
for.
- Hang out at carwashes and mini-marts because everybody knows these are the
best places to be a dope, I mean dope.
- If you're a ****** bitch, shit three ****** babies into the world before 17
years of age. This assures that welfare money will support you, so your
****** men have more time to commit crimes. Oh yes, make sure each ******
baby has a different father.
- Bastardize the English language in the name of ****** culture. Make sure
that several terms have multiple meanings and others have ambiguous meanings
and that only 50% of ****** words are even complete words. Real ******s will
know what you're trying to say.
- As a culture, make sure there are always more bucks in prison than in
college at any given time.
- Hang out in packs of 10 to 15 and make sure everyone acts as annoying as
possible. This helps to promote ****** individuality.
- Always talk loud enough so everyone in the 'hood' can fucking hear you, and
if they are ******s, they will know what your saying, bro.
- Wear clothes that are 10 sizes too big, making sure the pants hang off your
ass. Also huge pants facilitate stealing (let me translate that: "it be
easier to lift dat 'box at the Kmart, homes"). If you have to hold them up
while you walk, it only looks badder.
- Park at least 5 junk cars in your yard while being careful not to use the
driveway. It's OK to abandon them in the street as long as it's in front of
someone else's crib.
- Exaggerate every motion, every tonal inflection and grab your dick a lot.
Have red carpet, blue walls, brass and overstuffed furnishings (all rented),
purple bathrooms and keep all windows covered so that no light can enter and
no cops can see in while you...
- Do drugs, sell drugs, make drugs.
- Turn your backyard into a junk yard. If you don't have a backyard, turn
your mother's into a junk yard. Eliminate every blade of grass.
- Travel around leaching off relatives, friends, salvation armies. Abandon
your children with them also.
- Smack your kids and yell at them a lot. Make them feel less than human and
that they have no future, which they don't because they're ******s like you.
- Drink cheap wine and malt liquor every day, forgetting that "malt liquor" is
just fortified cheap beer.
- If you're a ****** buck: fuck anything that moves, no matter how ugly she is.
After two eight-balls, even the ugliest, fattest ****** bitch will look good.
- Be charitable and covet fat, ugly white chicks. After all, they're ******s
too. They can't help being so undesirable to white men that they have to
fraternize with black dudes on a 20/20 trip. And white ho's are a special
trophy too, especially the not so ugly ones.
- Spray paint everything in sight with scribbles that mean nothing to White
people but mean things to fellow ******s (except ******s from another hood
who will probably try to kill you for tresspassing on their turf)
- Use the term "motherfucker" in every sentence. It's one of the most
versatile words in the ****** language, being a noun, verb, adjective and
complete mini-sentence in event you run out of thoughts.
- Stop in the middle of the street, blocking all traffic to converse with
fellow ******s and have complete disregard for everyone else.
- Delay everybody at the checkouts while you and 3 other dudes fumble around
for the $1.42 for the bottle of Magnum.
- Clog isles at Kmart with strollers, bastard kids and your fat selves. If
you're a cashier, never look at or be cordial to a customer and always talk
to other ******s while you ring up the customer.
- Overcharge customers at Taco Bell and pocket the difference.
- Drive your car while slouched so low that you can barely see over the wheel
(gangsta drivin').
- Get a job under affirmative action. Then sit around all day pretending that
you earned the position and that the other co-workers respect you. Whenever
you fuck up, scream "racism!" & hope you get enough Generation X liberals
in the jury.
- Never, I mean NEVER, take any responsibility for your actions. Always blame
others including Asians, Latinos, Mexicans, and especially Whites for your
sorry ass stupid lives.
- Advertise your "nation" (gang) with a bewildering array of colors that mean
nothing to any one but other nig's. Oh yes, if another nig violates your
"nation" i.e. garbage strewn empty lots and burned out tenements, shoot
their ass.
- Look for identity in murderous criminal gangs when you can't find it in
broken ****** homes because your mother was a 15 year old cokewhore and your
father is in jail doing 5 to 15 for pistol whipping a mini-mart cashier.
- Be all concerned with east/west connections, cellular phones, beepers, drive
by's and other trivial bullshit that Whites will never understand anything
about (what's to understand?)
- Lament ghetto gang life while at the same time...
- Listen to rap "music", which glorifies "gangsta" life, crime, drugs, murder,
early death, oppression of women. Rip off other legit music to fabricate rap
music which probably takes an engineering degree to "write" (because of the
technical know-how to operate the machines) while not requiring any music
talent at all. Then get some young criminal scum to perform it, after
changing his name to something stupid like Snoopy Dog. Spell the name of the
group with phonetics and use a number in it because nig's really like that.
At least rap is an opportunity, e.g. for young black criminals to further
their criminal careers. Rap needs only four things to be successful:
a producer, a promoter, a front-man flunky, and MTV to shove it down our
throats. Be sure to say absolutely nothing important during the 5 pages of
dialogue in a given rap joint other than "look at how much of a ****** I can
be." Then roll a joint in the joint and think about the joint while stylin'
to the joint.
- Show other lame-ass races the black race is unique by having a
culture/lifestyle that results in diseases/poverty/birth rates for blacks
consistently rising while it falls for the others.
- Fear and loathing of dogs is set in the genes for nig's. Of course bigotry
against blacks is set into the genes of dogs. So be sure to get a dog, tie
it up in the cold and mud and neglect it until it dies. Then start all over
again.
- Always have ten excuses involving hospitals for why you can't pay your
bill. When or if you finally settle up, pull out a big wad of bills out of
the welfare check to do it. Cash must be used because you long ago fucked
up your credit and checking account.
- Cram 5 generations into a two room government apartment and still be able to
neglect your kids.
- Die young. The #1 cause of death for ****** males between 15 and 30 is
murder.