Are arranged marriages ideal? Think about it.

[MrHarmfulOne]

I dont know.

Look at all the problems that marriages face today. Divorce, spouses fighting about spending time at home,etc

Or things before marriage. out of wedlock child, abortion, jealousy(people getting killed due to jealous boyfriend/girlfriends), STDs

Arranged marriages seem to make society and life so much more simple. You learn to love your wife/husband.

Instead of criticizing their bad points, you find embrace their strong points and learn to love them for it. In this "progressive" age, all you have to do is find faults with a person and end it all. Kids split, couple splits, and then REAL drama ensues!



I know some people see it as bad because they have to be "free" but we know that just means fuck around as much as they can and not face any negative consequences.

[cami_gal]

omg we just had this big debate in my history class today bout this.....i think its ideal i mean how many indian/asian do u see getting divorce compared to usa/european idea of love........whts happens when the love is gone and all that is left is two bitter people......its betta to get married using reason and being pratical

[Monic]

ive never heard of a failed arranged marriage...

[California.]

not an idea that i would disagree with at all.

[Mz23BabyPhat]

I had an arranged and it failed but wouldnt mind having another one..

[MrHarmfulOne]

If an arranged marriage does fail, then it is the fault of the parents as well I admit.

But usually if both couples learn to live with each other and love each other, there seems to be no problem.

[Mz23BabyPhat]

Exactly^

My bro chose to marry his wife and they both knew eachother since they were kids...and now they're gettin a divorce.

[SIXPAK GQ]

f**k arrange marriages. i feel sorry for the people who have them. lot of them are forced marriages. they say they happy but in reality they are not....

i rather have a love marriage which ended up in divorce then a unhappy arrange marriage.....

arrange marriages are for people who got no game!

[MrHarmfulOne]

Well, the concept of an arranged marriage is not always flawlessly implemented, especially in western society. There are less constraints on both parties!

[gabroo_shakeen]

f**k arrange marriages. i feel sorry for the people who have them. lot of them are forced marriages. they say they happy but in reality they are not....

i rather have a love marriage which ended up in divorce then a unhappy arrange marriage.....

arrange marriages are for people who got no game!

haha, are you even married?

[MrHarmfulOne]

f**k arrange marriages. i feel sorry for the people who have them. lot of them are forced marriages. they say they happy but in reality they are not....

i rather have a love marriage which ended up in divorce then a unhappy arrange marriage.....

arrange marriages are for people who got no game!

Ah yes, let's see how happy you are in divorce.

Im going to post a story a guy from another board I go to posted about his life.

And even though this is RD, please keep in mind arranged marriage should have nothing to do with game...

[FiStiK]

I dont know.

Look at all the problems that marriages face today. Divorce, spouses fighting about spending time at home,etc

Or things before marriage. out of wedlock child, abortion, jealousy(people getting killed due to jealous boyfriend/girlfriends), STDs

Arranged marriages seem to make society and life so much more simple. You learn to love your wife/husband.

Instead of criticizing their bad points, you find embrace their strong points and learn to love them for it. In this "progressive" age, all you have to do is find faults with a person and end it all. Kids split, couple splits, and then REAL drama ensues!



I know some people see it as bad because they have to be "free" but we know that just means fuck around as much as they can and not face any negative consequences.

Hell, yes. I hope to have an arranged marriage through RD, and I hope to school my children through RD too. It will be a perfect, desi, PARADISE.

[SpankingGT]

Ya know, all the idiots over here that cry about arranged marriages will end up in one. There literally isnt anything better than an arranged marriage for the reason you stated. I have no problem with it, actually that is what I want with my decision who the girl is gonna be ( I get to see the girl before hand and such) Hell there are very few divorce cases and less fights. ( now which idiot is gonna quote me and say that I'm wrong because they know uncle joe-shmo and his arranged marriage didnt work)

[MrHarmfulOne]

Some information from this story is being witheld...



since my life is falling to pieces around me my options are suicide or Iraq. I called HRC today and had them alter my status to deployable, and will hear back from them when something opens up. Basically i was told that I'll probably be on my way overseas within 2 weeks. So, in case anything happens and i don't come back to the board i don't want to be that "guy who just stopped posting one day and vanished". At least you'll all know what happened to me. I've given my name a few times, but just in case anyone cares enough to archive it, it's ***** ******. This way if you see me on the news or read about me in a paper somewhere you can give me a proper soundoff.

Then he explains why his life is shitty:

I haven't been around much the last few days. A couple days ago we all went to the store, and i sat in the car with the kids while she ran in to grab something. I found a piece of paper on the floor with a phone number on it, picked it up and stuck it in my pocket. When we got back i did a reverse number lookup on it and found out it was a guy she worked with. I called it, got no answer and hung up. A few minutes later the phone rang, i answered, and when he heard me instead of her he started stuttering and hung up. I called him back, he actually answered, and made up some bs about "someone named louise calling from my number and leaving a message". I asked her about it and she snapped. Turns out she's been seeing him. They recently had their "holiday party" and i was a little pissed when she got home at 4 am totally smashed because i knew she drove an hour from the place to the house that drunk. Well, it turns out i had less reason to worry because she never went there, she was at his house, only 20 minutes away, so she didn't have to drive too far. We talked about it last night after we both calmed down, and again this morning as she was getting ready for work. She told me we'd figure everything out when she got home. She never came back. I spoke to her earlier tonight and she gave me a bunch of illogical reasons for leaving, all of which i directed her to valid sociological studies and therapy forms invalidating her statements and disproving them not only as irrational but also destructive cyclic thought patterns, and she basically told me she didn't care if it was right or wrong, it was what she made up her mind about and she was doing it. I spoke to a lawyer who told me my odds of getting custody were roughly 1 in 200, and that the vast majority of the time i'd end up paying chicld support and seeing them every other weekend. She also made sure to clean out the accounts when she left, leaving me with 4 cigarettes and a dollar. She probably would have taken the dollar but it was under some papers on my desk. Also i spoke to a police officer who notified me that since we were together so long, she had legal claim to anything in the house unless i could provide a receipt on the spot. They'd back her up in taking anything she wanted to because she has the kids at the moment, up to and including my TV.

So, basically i'm sitting here in the cold. We have an oil furnace that ran out of fuel, and without the cash to pay the delivery guy i can't get more. I'm sitting in my bedroom shivering with a small electric space heater at the moment contemplating my last cigarette.

People who say trite cliches like "life is hard, deal with it" have yet to experience their darkest hour.

Now that i've done what i didn't want to do, and turned this into a myspace blog, i'm going to go smoke my last cigarette and ponder.


------------------

This is reality for many people.

[Mz23BabyPhat]

f**k arrange marriages. i feel sorry for the people who have them. lot of them are forced marriages. they say they happy but in reality they are not....

i rather have a love marriage which ended up in divorce then a unhappy arrange marriage.....

arrange marriages are for people who got no game!


Game?

I honestly know alot of ppl who're happily married and it was arranged..

[Lakk Chiree]

Well, all desi parents believe in "love is blind". In this day and age, there's a new type of arrange marriages where parents instead finding one boy/girl for their son/dauther, they provide a line up so you get to pick as were back then, you would have to marry the person your parents chose. That too also happens in today's society so basically there's 2 types. At least that part of the tradition hasn't died. Even my parents told me staright up that they are going have a ling up of girls for me to choose from when I get married.

[BC_Broad]

I dont know.

Look at all the problems that marriages face today. Divorce, spouses fighting about spending time at home,etc

Or things before marriage. out of wedlock child, abortion, jealousy(people getting killed due to jealous boyfriend/girlfriends), STDs

Arranged marriages seem to make society and life so much more simple. You learn to love your wife/husband.

Instead of criticizing their bad points, you find embrace their strong points and learn to love them for it. In this "progressive" age, all you have to do is find faults with a person and end it all. Kids split, couple splits, and then REAL drama ensues!



I know some people see it as bad because they have to be "free" but we know that just means fuck around as much as they can and not face any negative consequences.

first of all, learning to love someone isn't love...its getting used to them and putting up with their shit cuz two families are involved and they might lose out on some land back home. lastly, you're not gonna see the bad points until a few years down the road where the real person will emerge. atleast if you date for a while before hand, you know what to expect and you can see some signs. ugh, im so anti-arranged marriage that i don't even think i can discuss them anymore.

[MrHarmfulOne]

first of all, learning to love someone isn't love...its getting used to them and putting up with their shit cuz two families are involved and they might lose out on some land back home. lastly, you're not gonna see the bad points until a few years down the road where the real person will emerge. atleast if you date for a while before hand, you know what to expect and you can see some signs. ugh, im so anti-arranged marriage that i don't even think i can discuss them anymore.

That's good, because I already explained it in the last sentence!

[BC_Broad]

That's good, because I already explained it in the last sentences!

excuse me but that's not why most people are opposed to arranged marriages. some of us actually want to have a say on who we spend the rest of our lives with. not only that but our parents trust us enough and believe that they raised us well enough to pick out our own partners. lastly, some people think that marriage should be based on love and not what's economically right.

[Fatty4life]

I dont know.

Look at all the problems that marriages face today. Divorce, spouses fighting about spending time at home,etc
Mostly in desis, you'd only see couples getting divorced in dire circumstances. For ex., if the spouse is abusive, or if you really just can't live under the same roof, peacefully. Think about it: If you're constantly arguing and bickering, what kind of home do your kids grow up in? Personally, I think it's better for couples in such cases to separate so they can lead peaceful lives, and concentrate on their kids' lives more than concentrating on fighting. As far as spouces fighting goes, what marriage doesnt have tiffs?

Or things before marriage. out of wedlock child, abortion, jealousy(people getting killed due to jealous boyfriend/girlfriends), STDs
-all of these can happen regardless of arranged marriage. arranged marriages aren't a cure for the society--there WILL be children out of wedlock, there WILL be abortion, people will ALWAYS be jealous, and STDs well...they'll also be around no matter what.

Arranged marriages seem to make society and life so much more simple. You learn to love your wife/husband. not really. of course you may grow to love them or you may just learn to deal with it.

Instead of criticizing their bad points, you find embrace their strong points and learn to love them for it. In this "progressive" age, all you have to do is find faults with a person and end it all. Kids split, couple splits, and then REAL drama ensues!
arranged marriages aren't always a 'bad' idea. it worked out for most of our parents, so it must hold some worth, right?

[SIXPAK GQ]

haha, are you even married?


no, but that has nothing to do this thread...since 99% of the people on this forum aren't married

[SIXPAK GQ]

Ah yes, let's see how happy you are in divorce.

Im going to post a story a guy from another board I go to posted about his life.

And even though this is RD, please keep in mind arranged marriage should have nothing to do with game...

if i get a divorce...then there are other ladies out there...no biggy...

[SIXPAK GQ]

Game?

I honestly know alot of ppl who're happily married and it was arranged..

arranged in what sense???

did they go out before hand?

[SpankingGT]

Knock knock, different people different oppinions....
Let people who believe in love marriages believe what they want and same goes for the arranged ones. Why try to convinece the other side that the grass is greener on yours?

[Fatty4life]

Knock knock, different people different oppinions....
Let people who believe in love marriages believe what they want and same goes for the arranged ones. Why try to convinece the other side that the grass is greener on yours?
true say. :salut: but that's how discussions go.



I'm bettAr than you1!!!1!!!1

[SIXPAK GQ]

I for one trust my parents more than myself when it comes to that decision. I've given up. :ashamed:
Besides, parents would be like the perfect double-filter... in terms of character, I want someone like my father. And my mom is pickier about looks than I am =P
u arent thinking with ur head.....

ur parents arent going to marry the girl, u r. make ur own decision. u r an adult.

[MrHarmfulOne]

first of all, learning to love someone isn't love...its getting used to them and putting up with their shit cuz two families are involved and they might lose out on some land back home. lastly, you're not gonna see the bad points until a few years down the road where the real person will emerge. atleast if you date for a while before hand, you know what to expect and you can see some signs. ugh, im so anti-arranged marriage that i don't even think i can discuss them anymore.

1. So the minute a relationship you've been in has a problem, you break up?
1a. If so, then you too are "getting used to them"

2. That is quite amazing reasoning. It takes a few years of constantly living with somebody to learn who they are, but only a few dates? My my.

[SIXPAK GQ]

listen to bc broad...she is realistic.

[MrHarmfulOne]

fatty4life:

I never meant to say it would make life perfect. Maybe I forgot to put it in, or altered my post, cuz I had it in there originally somewhere as a disclaimer.

And if it doesnt matter, why did you post in this topic? -_-

[BC_Broad]

1. So the minute a relationship you've been in has a problem, you break up?
1a. If so, then you too are "getting used to them"

2. That is quite amazing reasoning. It takes a few years of constantly living with somebody to learn who they are, but only a few dates? My my.

relationships always involve conflict...i'm not denying that. but i'd obviously get out of any relationship if it was abusive (which is definite grounds for divorce/break-up). i didn't say it takes a few dates to know a person. its takes a few years atleast and, if you read what i wrote (big doubt), then you'll notice that i didn't say "few dates."

[Fatty4life]

fatty4life:

I never meant to say it would make life perfect. Maybe I forgot to put it in, or altered my post, cuz I had it in there originally somewhere as a disclaimer.

And if it doesnt matter, why did you post in this topic? -_-
what? :scratch:


what I got out of your first post was basically "arranged marriages are better than love marriages"

[BC_Broad]

arguing with people that have never been in a reltionship about relationships is futile.

[pachaas Paisa]

I for one trust my parents more than myself when it comes to that decision. I've given up. :ashamed:
Besides, parents would be like the perfect double-filter... in terms of character, I want someone like my father. And my mom is pickier about looks than I am =P

If our parents set us up how great would that be

hey before u say anything smart, be nice and sugarcoat

[xbadkarmax]

You don't 'grow to love' them. You grow to respect the person in an arranged marriage. And alot of people consider this understanding+respect as love in a way. It's too complicated and intricate and it's totally different on every person's views.

[Fatty4life]

:lol: pwned.

[pachaas Paisa]

Damn it, you're 2 steps ahead of me :p

sugarcoat? er................ *crickets chirping*............

I like chocolate :yum:


i'll be your anything.. even white chocolate.. actually ew i dont like that

[ChillinG]

What people are failing to realise is that there are ARRANGED marriages and FORCED marriages.

Arranged is where your parents find a suitable partner(s), you meet and then you make a decision

Forced is where your parents find a suitable partner and thats it ... you have no choice!

Hopefully people will get that in their head and not get confused!!

[pachaas Paisa]

White chocolate is okay, but you get sick of it really fast. Nothing beats brown :eyebrow:

lol

i will get a tan..

which will last pretty much a day :eyebrow:

[xbadkarmax]

Love in turn grows out of that sort of respect. That would be true love; it's rooted in a deep level of commitment, respect and understanding.
So in turn, everyone can 'love' everyone else if they are binded together for a long enough period of time to respect them, understand them, and their indifferences as well, isn't it? If 'true' love is love from respect and acceptance regardless of their faults... or if it's from truely appreciating and liking most of who they are, is another discussion =P

[pachaas Paisa]

:hand: White chocolate can't pretend to be brown. Only the real stuff could satisfy me


chaahe gora ho ya kaala.. par mein hoo sacha dilwala

:p

dunno if u got that

[pachaas Paisa]

lol I did

it's not a 3rd grade pick up line imo, it was sweet

Damn :Oops:

[xbadkarmax]

Yes actually, but it's part of the same discussion. When you're put in such a situation where you have no choice but to make it work, you spend more time trying to understand and appreciate the person. It may not start off on an intensely passionate note, but that's not always a bad thing; you build that relationship from the ground up.

In an arranged marriage, you can't afford to have the bitch-I'm-sick-of-you attitude. When both people actually learn to understand each other's "faults", all artificially created superficialities melt away in time. You're left with someone you can grow old with.
"all artificially created superficialities melt away in time. You're left with someone you can grow old with."

That's a pretty good point :) I'm glad you told me your side of things, I try to keep an open mind about the sides I don't agree with to see where they come from 100%

Thanks!

[Canadian_jatti]

for once i actually agree with you

[hey_jay37]

arrange marriages work cuz desis will put up with all kinds of shit an american or european wont. is that good? is it good that we are sheep and dont go for what we really want?

[americanmohit]

yeah..i have heard a lot that love marriages are more failure than arranged marriages. But some couples are lucky whose love-marriages never failed

[T.Dimera]

i've seen some guys win the lottery of arranged marriages where the girl has it all and has guys wishing they could be with her...but she goes the arranged marriage route...

[xbadkarmax]

lol... even though I'm arguing for it... I'm still too much of a biatch to ever agree to one, simply because there are enough major exceptions to my idealistic thinking. Still, some people prematurely judge the idea of arranged marriage and just react with an 'omg, no way'
ya, I know what you mean, they're just close minded without even thinking about the pros and cons so I don't care about discussing any matters with people like that, it's just a waste of energy

[sweetest_sin]

ive never heard of a failed arranged marriage...

i have...one of my dad's friends' nephew got stabbed in the head by his wife :(

[The Anti Desi]

My parents are say they can find me a real hot Bengali chick. I hear the metal is huge among Bengali girls :D

[mani_nami]

f**k arrange marriages. i feel sorry for the people who have them. lot of them are forced marriages. they say they happy but in reality they are not....

i rather have a love marriage which ended up in divorce then a unhappy arrange marriage.....

arrange marriages are for people who got no game!

F***k love marriages. chances of them working is very low. i wonder how come divorce rates are so high in this country. arrange marriages are miles better than love ones. there,s no motivation in love marrriages.u have sex and everything before marriages. thats just a complete turn off.
the idea of learning ur wife/hubby is great. i have so many so called love marriges go down the hole.
as far as ur comment on have a failed love marriage than a arranged is just plain stupidity.i think people who divorce got no games. if u can,t take control of marriage then u should not get married.
this is all coming from a guy who had plenty of g/fs. i,m gonna do arranged marriage. :Pelvic2:

[Felonius Monk]

arrange marriages work cuz desis will put up with all kinds of shit an american or european wont. is that good? is it good that we are sheep and dont go for what we really want?
I think this is a better point than most people give it credit for. A person who accepts someone else's choice for a life partner is liable to be more open to compromise and make the best of a situation. I think a lot of the divorce stats can be explained by this. Of course, I don't have any studies to back me up, but having grown up in India with divorced parents, I can vouch for the fact that being divorced is definitely looked upon as a stigma in Indian society. I've also spoken to some girls I know who've got married off early. There is a lot of pressure from both family and the social structure to just stick it out, however unhappy you might be. Given time, people can deal with anything. And they do.

[harika]

someone said you'll learn to love your spouse.

what if you learn to hate them?

it's all chance.. from the parents picking the guy/girl to to getting married.. sometimes you pick the right one, and sometimes the wrong.

[coral1979]

i think theres good and bad in both, im white so dont have to have arranged marrage but if someone wants to have one then good on them everyone has their right. now days people who think its a love marrage they rush into things they fall in love one day the next they marrying then after see that they cant stand each other.love should be worked on

[SexyTemptress]

do what makes you happy. only you know for sure what works for you-arranged or love. when i have kids i'll give them a choice, and its going to be up to them. if you cant live in an arranged situation, dont do it. if you really hate dating, cant pick up men/women, and want an arranged marriage then its a parents responsiblity to provide their child with a husband/wife.

[Fade_To_Black]

that's what i'm doing

i'm fooling around with girls who I won't marry and then I'll get a arranged marriage (hopefully my parents will NEVER find out I ever dated or had gfs so they will think I'm a good boy and did what they wanted, which is an arranged marrriage).

[Vision350z]

I hope your parents find you your female equivalent. A slut-in-disguise.... or 'born again virgin'. hahah
wana have an 'arrange marriage' wit me?

[Vision350z]

I dont know.

Look at all the problems that marriages face today. Divorce, spouses fighting about spending time at home,etc

Or things before marriage. out of wedlock child, abortion, jealousy(people getting killed due to jealous boyfriend/girlfriends), STDs

Arranged marriages seem to make society and life so much more simple. You learn to love your wife/husband.

Instead of criticizing their bad points, you find embrace their strong points and learn to love them for it. In this "progressive" age, all you have to do is find faults with a person and end it all. Kids split, couple splits, and then REAL drama ensues!



I know some people see it as bad because they have to be "free" but we know that just means fuck around as much as they can and not face any negative consequences.
1st off... the most important factor in why arranged marriages are horrible is cuz... u make the BIGGEST judgment on someone's entire personality n their way of life by just a few meetings. whatever happened to "don't judge a book by its cover"? we all know that desi guys are the biggest jerkoffs when it comes to this arranged marriage bullshit. they'll (yes they, not me) because they'll put up this big fake ass front in your family room, thinkin they're God's gift to women and to all of society, and do a damn good job at it too. desis are known to be clever, keep that in mind. then after the girl's married, a year later, after spending so much time livin wit him, adjustin her life away from her family, puttin bak everythin she grew up with behind her, she finds out he's not what he was in her family room, and she regrets it. THAT's reality today buddy

2ndly, yeah arranged marriages end up in less divorces. but what's more important? a crappy marriage together or a crappy marriage separated?? just b/c they end up in less divorces doesn't necessarily mean they're happier marriages. from my experiences with several desi aunties around various places around the world, they've forced themselves to adjust to their husbands regardless of how they treat them.

yeah sure u say that u can always adjust to ur partner in an arranged marriage, but what does a guy truly sacrifice in marriage? nothing nearly as much as the girl does, and she's the one that has everything to lose if the marriage turns out to be unsuccessful cuz thats the harsh society we live in. guys dont ever try to do the adjusting, it's always the girl that's forced to

i'm so fed up with arranged marriages. i have 2 siblings, both older sisters. nuff said?

[Vision350z]

:hand: ask my dad
sorry i forgot it's not up to you

[Vision350z]

lol too bad for you in my case it is =p
im guessin my chances with you arent favorin very well huh :neutral:

[Fade_To_Black]

I hope your parents find you your female equivalent. A slut-in-disguise.... or 'born again virgin'. hahah

haha, i'll make sure my parents don't find me that.

[Vision350z]

what bout me :neutral:

[LitoWeapN]

I dont know.

Look at all the problems that marriages face today. Divorce, spouses fighting about spending time at home,etc

Or things before marriage. out of wedlock child, abortion, jealousy(people getting killed due to jealous boyfriend/girlfriends), STDs

Arranged marriages seem to make society and life so much more simple. You learn to love your wife/husband.

Instead of criticizing their bad points, you find embrace their strong points and learn to love them for it. In this "progressive" age, all you have to do is find faults with a person and end it all. Kids split, couple splits, and then REAL drama ensues!



I know some people see it as bad because they have to be "free" but we know that just means fuck around as much as they can and not face any negative consequences.
wat if the person u r arrange to b married to is 500lb nasty looking women wit a horrible attitude :neutral:

[4mDubai]

'Arranged marriage' 'd be like leaving too much to fate

[Fade_To_Black]

Hahah, you have no way of knowing. that's the beauty of karma. biatch

actually you can :eek:

[coral1979]

wat if the person u r arrange to b married to is 500lb nasty looking women wit a horrible attitude :neutral:
what if she/ he is 500lb with a fantastic personaility or a slim gorjus chick with the personaility of a monkeys ass :sarb:

[LitoWeapN]

what if she/ he is 500lb with a fantastic personaility or a slim gorjus chick with the personaility of a monkeys ass :sarb:
good question

[4mDubai]

what if she/ he is 500lb with a fantastic personaility or a slim gorjus chick with the personaility of a monkeys ass :sarb:


yup therefore, for a relationship with most profound consequences on your life, DON'T LEAVE IT TO FATE alone :no:

[_A-s-H-i_]

yesh and no
no cos i dont want no frickin freshie marryin me for ma passport status i.e. british
yesh cos it mite last
but ma overall opinion FUCK NO!!

[nutty_jah]

My arranged marriage is as happy as my brothers love marriage.

My brother and his missus went out for ten years before they were married, a year and a half ago i had an arranged marriage from back home.

Everyone has their own angle to it, i know of some arranged marriages that have failed aswell as love marriages.

It all boils down to compromise, some couples even out, others dont.

[coral1979]

it works both ways i think, also think it depends on the people coz u could have a arrange marrage and me to compatable and never get along good with each other, but theres no harm trying i mean who knows as its been stated love marraged fail at times also arranged fails at times too, just do with u want and enjoy life