mr_zee_uk
December 7th, 2005, 09:29 AM
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fu*k with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
If you try to kick Chuck Norris in the balls, his pe*is will roundhouse kick your foot.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.
Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes. Chuck Norris ate 12 asian babies in 50 and a half minutes. Chuck Norris won.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.
Chuck Norris punched a woman in the v*gi*a when she didn't give him exact change.
Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and **** on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.
At Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the **** out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.
On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.
Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.
It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby
will blow up upon impact.
God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so
hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out transformed into a robot.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of
it.
Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them.
In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks
Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which he replied 'I am a club' and everyone partied on him...
Until he roundhouse kicked them all because someone spilt his beer
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fu*k with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
If you try to kick Chuck Norris in the balls, his pe*is will roundhouse kick your foot.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.
Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes. Chuck Norris ate 12 asian babies in 50 and a half minutes. Chuck Norris won.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.
Chuck Norris punched a woman in the v*gi*a when she didn't give him exact change.
Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and **** on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.
At Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the **** out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.
On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.
Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.
It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby
will blow up upon impact.
God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so
hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out transformed into a robot.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of
it.
Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them.
In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks
Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which he replied 'I am a club' and everyone partied on him...
Until he roundhouse kicked them all because someone spilt his beer